Poetry about him

12.08.02

12.08.02 is the day you were born, the day God created my soul mate.

20.02.16 the day I realized my feelings, the day I realized I don't know what I'd do without you.

09.05.16 when we had a real conversation, it was really amazing. I loved it!

17.09.16 I got to play basket ball with him... And other people, that was the day I realized just how amazing it was to be near him.

8.04.18 the day I saw him after what feels like... It has been so long since I've seen the boy I thought I loved.

I have planned to put all my energy, all my love into him, only to find out my heart doesn't belong to him and if I'm being honest I don't think it ever did.

I wish my heart was his, I wish I did love him, I wish I felt the feelings I use to for him, I wish

I'm losing him, he's slipping away, I'm holding on as tight as I possibly can, but I can't hold on forever. I'm already letting go a little everyday.

9.04.18 it's beginning to feel like I'm chasing something that doesn't exist, something I've manufactured in my mind.

Something that doesn't exist, something that won't exist. Something I can always chase, but will never catch. Something I've been tricking myself into believing, only to break my heart in the end.

My heart is fragile, I'll believe anything after a while. It hurts so much thinking something's real, believing in something, putting my everything into something until I finally realise I've wasted so much time.

It hurts believing in something for so long only to realise it was all in your head, only to realise you've wasted so much time already, only to realise I don't know anything about him and our-whatever it is was always in my head.

I know now I don't want to spend the rest of my life with him, the saying 'Absence makes the heart grow funder' that doesn't apply to us, absence just helps me realise I was imaging manufacturing everything I thought we were. I pictured us growing old together, us getting married, what our children would look like.
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He was my everything, my world orbited him.

Thank you for reading, I hope some of you can relate to putting 110% of your energy into someone thinking there was more thinking you had more, I spent over a year believing I was in love with someone who didn't acknowledge me, putting all my time into something I manufactured in my mind.

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I know this chapter and the last few sucked, but thank you for being loyal either way.