Yours Truly

November 25, 1995

Dear Tiger Stuffed Animal Sitting on my Bookshelf,

I probably don't need to say this to you because you saw the whole thing go down, but was that really a real moment in the space time spacieness that really just happened?

I'm mean, the flipp'in kidnapper came into my window! He literally came into my window in the middle of the night and woke me up!

How crazy does a person have to be to come into a man's bedroom and demand that the king of the place wake up in the middle of his most sweetest dreams!? That guy! That crazy guy! That's who!

I don't know how he got out of the police's stealthiest ninja containment cage, but somehow he got out and he came to visit me!

All I know is that I was tossing and turning in my bed, dreaming about leading a kumquat revolution, and I hear my window creak.

So I squint a little and see the guy squeezing his skinny self through the window sill. I was about to run to Uncle when the man rushed to me and covered my mouth!

I squirmed like a worm shriveling in the sun and he held my mouth. He told me to quiet down and be still so I did, right? Well tough tanaudy-wads for that guy because as soon as he stopped holding me down, I sprinted for the door.

But he tackled me! I swear on Superman that I've never seen an old dude move that fast before!

He pinned my down again and I tried to scream, but he covered my mouth and scolded me.

"Just hear me out!" He whispered. He sounded a little annoyed though.

I thought about what Bats would do, so I held still and let him talk. Like Bats, I needed to be sneaky if I was going to poke him in his eyeballs.

But that's when things got interesting.

I mean like Plastic Man interesting.

He started going on and on about how he was an ancient wizard who was thousands of years old and how he was dying and how he needed to find his successor. So he explained how he had been watching me and said that he thought I was the person to give his quote and quote powers to.

He asked what I thought and so I said, "I need to pee."

He sighed and rubbed his forehead like Uncle does and then waved me away to go use the throne room.

I came back and he was staring out the window. His twisted beard was moving from the breeze that came in. He turned to me and asked again what my thoughts were.

So for realzies I said, "I think that your a crazy mad man who just wants a person to talk to." He frowned at me but I didn't care that much, so I continued, "And that even if you were the real deal, I still wouldn't believe that a wise wizard like yourself would choose an illspiterate, intolerant, and impatience kid such as myself to wield, and I quote, 'the powers of mankind itself,' in my unwashed hands."

At least, I think I said it like that.

He said something about how I was gross and that I was probably right, but then I stopped listening and tuned out. I listened to him again when he said that I was his last hope.

I laughed and said, "Dude, if I'm your last hope then you really are screwed."

But he just grew more frustrated and then he said something about how he wanted me to explain in one word why I loved the Justice League so much.

It was a weird question, but I just told him, "Freedom?"

He smiled. He pointed at my heart. He was a little too close for comfort, but he told me that that was what he said thousands of years ago when he got his powers. That he fought for people who couldn't have any freedom at all.

But then he said something that really surprised me. He told me, "I know you are the one for these powers. I know it down to the depths of my core," he smiled, "who knows, maybe these powers will even show you how to be a little responsible for yourself and make you a little less intolerable."

I guess he had a point so I finally nodded and I actually can't remember what happened next, tiger stuffed animal sitting on my bookshelf.

I woke up in the morning in my bed. So now I'm just really confused if the mad man came or not. It seems like he did, but it was a pretty strange story.

The only clear thing I remember after I woke up was the word 'Shazam.'

Thanks for letting me vent to you tiger on my bookshelf.

Yours Truly,

Billy Batson