Yours Truly

December 25, 1995

Dear Wizard Guy,

What's your deal with sneaking into my window at the most ungodliest time of darkness!? I mean you did it again last night and at first I got super excited because I thought you were Santa, but your icky smell gave you away. 

Do you remember what you did?

I woke up and I saw your beard and so I asked if you were Santa. I was really happy!

But then you swore at me and just said, "Do I look like a fat man?"

And I don't appreciate your swear-age. I'm only 11. 

So what the heck my dude!?

Lets get some things clear, okay? I like you. Mostly. 

But you have to stop breaking into my room. It's my place and you can't come in without asking me first!

It was just like the last time you came. I thought I made that up. But I guess I didn't because you came back and I ended up getting super powers. 

But to make things even clearer, you have to get an attitude check buddy. You are seriously grumpy and are not helping me feel any better with your visits. 

I didn't like how you scolded at me for being foolish on the news or how you kept saying how much of a numbskull I was.

I especially didn't appreciate the sassy backlash when I said I thought you were dead because you were old.

Your commands really didn't make me feel any better since Uncle just yelled at me.

But okay, I do kinda appreciate you coming to visit if I'm honest...

But that's only because you said you would train me! 

But the overall point that I'll try to make to you Mr. Smelly Wizard, is that as much as I hate to say this, I'm excited that you'll train me as a superhero. Yes, you are gross and broke into my room, but I will forgive you if you train me. 

I don't know how I'll keep it from Uncle, but I'll have to. 

The chance is too good to pass up. 

Thanks.

-Billy