Marco
"You're going back? Ha? Why? Paano si Anna?"
I was having lunch with my mother and I knew this sermon was coming. "She knows naman, Mommy, and accepted niya yun. We'll do this long distance for a little while."
"Then? Uuwi ka? Or pupunta dun si Anna?"
"We don't know yet.
"Parang malabo yan, Anak," my mom commented.
"Nag-agree naman po kami. Every six weeks one of us will see the other, either pupunta si Anna sa Belgium or I'll head home. Ganun. And then we'll see. That's more than what other couples have."
"Paano ako magkaka-apo kung magkalayo kayo ni Anna?"
"Mommy. Nagdecide kami na wala munang baby habang hindi pa kami sure kung gaano katagal yung stay ko dun," I mentioned to her. I was quite sad when I heard Anna say this the other night, but I guess it made sense.
"Marco, I know as a man you have needs, but don't you go on cheating on Anna."
"Ma naman! No. I won't do that."
"Aalis ka na naman, I thought you'd stay here for good since you got married," she said.
"Dream project ko 'to, Mommy. I want to do this. Please understand?"
She nodded, resigned. "Ano pa nga ba. Sometimes, I wonder, if push comes to shove and you have to choose between your career and Anna, who would you choose?"
"It'll never come to that. At some point siguro one will have to take a back seat but I can have both."
Mom looked unsatisfied with my answer. "That's true, Anak. I just feel like... with you... Anna will always take a back seat."
*
My mother's words bothered me the entire weekend - partly because there was some truth to it. When I told Anna that I was worried, I wasn't only worried that we wouldn't make it because of the distance and the challenges it presented; I was primarily worried, that I would love it there (again) so much that I wouldn't want to come back.
I was worried I would hurt her. Because in all of this, even when I considered putting my dreams first, I never ever wanted to hurt Anna.
"Hi," she strolled in the kitchen after a long day at the ice cream shop. Asking how the turnout was today, she plopped down the seat in front of me and sighed, "More than usual, but when we looked at today's receipts, it's still low. But today was good. I hope, I hope we can turn it around."
I gave her a small smile. "Sana."
"I'm tired. Will you take long pa diyan?" She asked, motioning to my laptop. "Let's sleep na."
"Hey, umm, go ahead. I was thinking I should sleep in my room tonight."
"Why?" She frowned.
"I, uh, I think I'm coming down with something. I don't want you to catch it."
She narrowed her eyes at me but she let it go. "Alright. Good night." She disappeared to the back kitchen and was carrying a glass of juice when she came back. "Here, warm calamansi juice. It might help whatever it is you've caught."
The next few weeks, we spent mostly on turnover. Anna and I agreed on a replacement and promoted my deputy. She knew enough to be able to spot if he would be conning her out of something, so I was confident that she could do this. However, I started making handouts, work instructions and various references for her to consult if and when she needs.
I also left a couple of potential projects she could look into that would bring in more income for the business. These would provide additional sources of funding for the ice cream shop she so desperately wants to save.
I've cut back on the meetings I was attending for the firm and have been spending more and more time at the Philippine headquarters of the multinational corporation I worked for. The team head has started to call for meetings to get everyone up to speed. While most of the concepts have already been planned, the team still needed to check if there were items that needed to be revised before bidding could start.
"Marco, you're scheduled to fly in in three months, correct?" John Landers asked.
"Yes. I don't see any delays on my part, so I should be there on time."
"Good. There's going to be a meeting with everyone in a couple of weeks. Could you fly in for a few days?"
"Sure. That can be arranged."
These meetings usually drag on until the night, and by the time I get home, Anna would be asleep. Tonight, my dinner was on the kitchen counter with a note:
Marco -
I tried to wait for you but I had a long day and need some rest. Here's your dinner. Just reheat it. There's juice in the fridge for you.
I miss you, Anna
I haven't had time for her lately because of these project meetings. In the mornings, we would both be rushing for work that there was also barely any time to talk. One of those mornings, we overslept and decided to shower together to save time. But that failed and we ended up even later than usual.
I felt bad for yelling at her that morning. "Kasi naman ang kulit eh, I told you we won't make it."
"I wasn't the one who asked for round 2."
I planned to make it up to her over dinner, but again, I wasn't able to make it.
When we finally met, it was because we were both attending a management committee meeting. I dropped by her office and mentioned to her that I was flying out in a few days. "Project meeting with the Global team. I thought that I should use that time also to check if my flat needs some repairs before I move back."
"But, does it have to take two weeks? You're moving there in less than two months? Would you mind coming back early? We haven't really seen each other in past weeks."
"Anna, you know this is important."
"I know. I'm not saying it isn't. I just thought I was important, too."
That conversation was at an impasse, which we left there because we were already being asked to head to the board room. It wasn't ideal, but that was how it remained when I left a few days later.
*
Back in Belgium! I couldn't stop grinning.
"Ang ganda ng weather!"
"Yes, ang bilis ng internet!"
"Yes, hindi na ako kakabahan tumawid because cars actually stop for pedestrians!"
"Pwedeng hindi magdala ng car kasi may subway naman!"
"Beers!!!"
Once in awhile though, I would think, "Hey that's Anna's favorite chocolates. I should get her some... ay oo nga pala wala siya sa bahay. Ay oo nga pala, uuwi naman ako ng Manila. Uuwi nga pala ako..."
It's only been a few days and I knew: This is where I should be.
I needed to tell Anna.
