Dead in Love (Nico x Reader)

Insecurities

Spring break yo. I do not really know what a panic attack is like, so don't come for me if I'm wrong. Idk if panic attacks are triggering so... Trigger warning..?

  I stumbled into the modest apartment that Nico and I had started renting the day after we got back from our honeymoon. My chest felt like a prison for my pounding heart and cramped lungs. The world around me spun as I went nearly boneless against the door and it slammed shut. The noise from the door pushed a little whimper out of me. Sinking to the floor, I scooted away from the door. My head was echoing with the voices of anyone and everyone who had taunted me in my life.

  Earlier that day I had given a mess of a presentation at my crappy office job. Everything had gone wrong in almost every way. My slides had been out of order, some of my facts were painfully wrong, and I had completely forgotten my notes at home. As if I hadn't already been modified enough, as I was walking out of the meeting I heard a few of my co-workers who I had thought were my friends gossiping about me. I caught a few phrases like, 'I don't know why she actually got a job here', 'she's so clingy too', 'how is she married', and lastly, 'she's the most talentless person I've met'. I was already incredibly insecure about most things in life, I didn't need to worry about my friends not actually being my friends.

  So I curled my legs to my chest, resting my back against the between my front door and breakfast bar in front of the apartment's tiny kitchen. I mindlessly twisted the wedding bands on my left hand, trying to get air down my throat. Through my head sounded their words over and over like a broken record. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't seem to expand my chest enough to get air in. The silence closed in on me.

  An idea sparked in my head and I fumbled for my phone, my finger hovering above the 'call' button beside a picture of Nico's smiling face. No, I can't call him, he told me he had a lot of things to figure out today. He doesn't need to deal with my insecurities too. I'll just wait till he gets home.

  I set my phone down and tucked my head between my knees. Nausea in my stomach grew.

 ---------------Two Hours Later--------------

  The sound of a key turning in the lock of the door beside me jolted my mind and I forgot what number I was on; I had been counting to 100,000. Hearing the door swing open beside, I lifted my head from where it had been resting in my cupped hands.

  "(Y/N)?" Nico looked surprisedly down at me, "what are you-?" The question dyed on his lips as he actually took in my inevitably distressed appearance.

   "Oh gods," he quickly shut the door and sat down beside me, "you're not okay, are you?" I shook my head, sure that my voice would break if I attempted to speak. "Come here," Nico held out his arms and I fell into them gratefully. Nico picked me gently up and took me over to our couch, kicking off his shoes as he went. 

  "Do you want to talk about it?" He quietly urged me.

  "Why did you marry me?" I asked suddenly, looking up at him. That question had crossed my minds hundreds of times over the course of our dating and married life.

  Nico was taken aback. "Why would you ask that? You know I love you."

  "But why?" I asked again, whipping a stray tear from my cheek.

  "That's like asking the sun why it shines, or the wind like it blows-" Nico paused "-Did someone put this crazy question in your head."

  I nodded meekly.

  "Well, whoever it was doesn't know you or me. I love you unconditionally, I have since the moment I first met you and I will forever."

  "But I'm such a mess, and I'm problematic, and I have panic attacks about insecurities, and-and," I listed off.

  "Have you ever had a problem with my insomnia episodes, my panic attacks, or my nightmares?" Nico retorted.

  "No," I said without hesitation.

  "Than how is that different than this? I don't care how problematic you are as long as you're still my (Y/N). Understood?"

  "Yes," I smiled weakly.

  "Now who dared to say such idiotic things about you and our wonderful marriage?" Nico stood dramatically up.

  "A few fake friends from the office," I smiled for real and grabbed his arm," but I don't care about them." I pulled Nico back down beside me, my mood officially lifted. I pulled him all the way down and kissed him fiercely.

  "I love you."

I feel like I've written this 5 different times, I promise I can at least kind of write.

~Di Angel