forever and always | bang chan

eleven

Warning! May trigger anxiety. Contains words of depression and suicide.

It's been two days since that encounter.

During those two days, I didn't cry.

Neither did I get out of my room once.

I wanted to be alone. I'm wondering why tears aren't streaming down my face but I desperately want to cry. I want to feel my heart but I always end up feeling nothing.

During those two days, Chan kept on calling me. I don't want to burden others just because I feel miserable. I always ignored his calls, because I might destroy all the people around me just like how I'm a wreck right now.

My mom called often since she knows we broke up. She's making sure that I'm okay now that she's away to be with my grandmother for a while. I would always fake a smile everytime we call each other, because making her worry will be the last thing I'd do.

I also tried to go be active on social media. Catch up to the latest news and stuff. But I was wrong, yet again.

The media didn't help me in my misery.

Yes. The headlines are now full of Bambam's issue.

GOT7'S BAMBAM DATING A JYP TRAINEE

Who else would it be? It's Yeon Hwa.

Why did you let them catch you, Yeon Hwa? How will you become an idol if you date your sunbae this early? Do you know this will affect you?

I didn't push him away just for this!

Fans are hating on Bambam, but I won't let that happen.

I should be taking care of my heart but leaving Bambam just because he's dating someone isn't a right thing to do!

I replied to all the fans sending him hate comments.

No one should hurt my Bambam. I kept on convincing them that it's just a rumor, but who am I for them to believe me?

I may be his ex-girlfriend but I'll forever be his fangirl.

That's when it sinked in.

Wh-what if, they're actually dating?!

But Bambam said the kiss isn't what I think it is!

Is this the reason why is was so easy for him to walk away?

They say, if you break up and in a few days he has a new girl... The girl has been there the whole time.

How foolish of me.

I read all my replies to the hate comments, realizing how foolish I am to protect a guy who couldn't protect our relationship.

I want to feel something. 

I feel empty trying so hard to protect him. 

My eyes roamed my room...

"Abby! Open the door!"

I picked up one thing that caught my attention.

Should I?

"Abby, jebal."

I'm hesitating, but it's the only way...

Desperately wanting to hurt myself and feel pain, I did it.

Tears were starting to fall down my cheek.

I never thought I could do this.

The pain wasn't enough to quench my thirst.