Aftermath • Drarry

014

I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched - Edgar Allan Poe

***

My feet carried my body to our room slowly again. The raven-haired boy was walking right besides me, looking nervously at his feet. His suddenly insecure behaviour stood out for me.

It immediately raised the question whether I should ask him about it or not. Some part of me really wanted to do it, I cared about his well being. But there was another part of me that told me to just let it be. He was a grown up boy and if he really felt like talking about it he had done it already, right?

But then again I never spoke up when I needed help. I never asked for anyone's help, thinking that I could do it on my own. Thinking that asking for help was a sign of weakness.

However, seeing where I had ended showed me that my method had not helped me at all.

Maybe if I had asked for help sooner life would be a lot different. Maybe I would have been happier. I knew that that were just maybe's. Things that could have happened, but had not.

'Harry,' I asked after an internal battle in my mind that had had driven me crazy way too many times. 'Are you, you know, okay?'

My voice was a little shaky. I knew that Harry could snap at me any moment and since he had been in a good mood that evening, I had to be extra careful in order to not ruin his happy mood.

'Yeah,' Harry said, but I just knew that he was lying to me. 'Just little nervous I guess.'

'What for?'

'I have, uhm, a little surprise for you,'the boy with the green eyes mumbled softly. 'I am not sure if you will like it or not, that makes me a little nervous.'

A small, honest smile crept upon my lips. He had a surprise for me, a genuine surprise. That had to mean that he cared about me, right? Just the thought of him thinking about me made me feel weird. But a good kind of weird. The kind of weird that made a warm, bubbly feeling inside your tummy. That made a smile creep upon your lips.

But did all of that mean that I genuine cared about the Potter boy as well? Did it mean I had gone weak for him? That I had fallen for his "charms"?

'Whatever it is,' I said to the boy walking nervously next to me, 'I am sure I will love it. The fact that you thought about me makes me happy, so whatever it is, I am sure it will make me even happier.'

Harry just smiled and continued to walk a little less nervous to our room. After a few minutes we reached our room. My heart started to beat a little faster knowing that there was something behind that door wating for me.

'After you,' the raven-haired boy spoke, opening the door for me. My feet entered the room while my eyes did not seem to notice anything different. 'So,' I started, 'what is it?'

It was only then that my eye fell on a small frame hanging on the wall, surrounding the hole I had punched into it not so long ago. For a moment I had no idea what I was looking at, until reality hit me softly.

'I hope you will not get angry, I thought that, you know, since that hole will be there for a little longer then just today that it would be nicer to dress it up nicely. Please do not get angry with me,' the suddenly small looking boy next to me whispered softly. A feeling of something new hit me and before I could control my self I had already grabbed the raven-haired boy.

But my fists did not punch him like I had thought they would. Instead of doing that, they wrapped themselves and my arms around his body. I felt his body freeze for a moment underneath my touch. He did not wrap his arms around my waist immidiatly, but after a few seconds I felt his arms surrounding my body as well.

'Thank you,' I whispered softly. The realization of what was happening had not yet come, resulting in me actually enjoying the moment. I felt the warmth of his body, the muscles from underneath the tin layer of fabric between the two of us. I felt him pulling me even closer, after that he placed his head in my neck. I felt nothing else but a feeling of safety and peace at that moment. I felt nothing but love, but acceptance.

My body melted into his touch, into his grip on my body.

A hug like this was something I had not had in years, at least not from someone else except my own mother.

And Lord Voldemort. That night when he honestly believed that he had killed the Boy Who Lived. The night I betraided everyone again.

Thinking about this made me feel absolutely sick about myself. It made me had myself so much.

So much that I broke the intimate hug. I could not hold the boy who I had betrayed the most like that. I could not show him support if I had shown the men who killed most of his familymembers that same support before.

Harry's green eyes looked confused into mine after I had brutly broken our embrace.

'I am so sorry,' I whispered softly before, once more, running of to a place where I could be alone. Without the boy that had confused me so much.