Aftermath • Drarry

028

"Was it hard?" I ask. "Letting go?"

"Not as hard as holding on to something that wasn't real" - Lisa Schroeder

***

During diner Harry did not speak, or eat at all. He just sat in his chair, looking to his plate with an empty expression lying in his eyes. I knew he blamed himself for everything, I knew that he blamed himself for hurting Ginny. But then again; she did not really seem to be hurt that much. The change that she would be crying at the moment was huge. However, I think the both of them knew that this was coming eventually, at least is I could believe Harry's story's.

Knowing that he felt like shit made me feel the exact same way. A part of me wished that I could take away that pain so badly. I hated seeing him that way, all I wanted to do was take away that pain, even if that meant I would feel it.

A part of me thought it was stupid that I felt this way, especially since Harry and I only had been reunited a few weeks ago. Yet, there was another part of me that knew I had felt this way about him long before I entered this place. There had always been something about him that I had admired, and even though I had always been bullying him I knew that there was more behind my hate feelings then I thought. Maybe I had always liked him, maybe I just was not ready to admit it back then. But right now, there was nothing to lose anymore. I had lost almost everything; my father, my aunt, a lot of family members, my so called "friends" and at least but not least my own mind.

'Are you not hungry my boy?' Cecilia asked the boy sitting next to me. Lucia had been sending me confused looks the during the entire diner, looks that I had been answering with a painful smile. The raven-haired boy did not even seem to notice her talking to him, his mind seemed to be too far away. 'I am going to call dr. Dolan, is that okay with you?' she asked concerned, not waiting for a respons that we all knew was not going to come. Not today.

She walked away, only to come back a few minutes later with dr. Dolan besides her. 'Mr Potter?' she asked with the same concern lying in her voice. 'Come on, sweet boy, we are going to my office.'

I knew that this was the right thing; Harry needed some help. Yet there was a part of me that felt jealous about the fact that I could not offer him that despite the fact that I wanted to help him so badly. They left, leaving us in silence again. There was nothing left to do, so we all just left and went to ours rooms.

After taking a quick shower and brushing my teeth I sat down on Harry's bed, feeling a lot safer once my body had taken in his scent again. There was no way to describe the way he smelled, all I could say was that is was a sweet, welcoming smell. How long I had been waiting there was something I could not be sure of, it could have been minutes, or hours. Eventually Harry entered the room, all the tears that had left his eyes had made them a bloody-red colour, but even with red eyes he looked absolutely beautiful.

Without realising what I was doing my arms were wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him in as close as I could. Once his arms had found their way around my waist he burst into tears. All I wanted was to be there for him the way he had done for me when I got a panic attack, I wanted to be as caretaking for him as he was for me when I had pushed my fist through the wall.

'Shhh,' I tried to shush him, again. 'I am here for you,' I then said, still not knowing what to do exactly. 'Will you sit down with me?'

He broke our hug and nodded, but when I wanted to walk towards his bed he started to shake his head. 'Can we sit on your bed?' the Boy Who Lived asked shyly as his cheeks turned a soft red colour that matched his eyes. 'Of course we can, whatever you want,' I replied, taking his hand and led him to my bed. I sat down, placing my back against the wall for some support.

'Do you want a hug?' I asked somehow a little scared that he would deny my embrace. From my own experience I thought that he might crave an embrace, arms around him to make him feel safe. At least that was something I craved when I felt like the whole world had turned against me.

The raven-haired boy nodded as he placed himself in my arms. He placed his head slowly to my chest, going up and down together with my breath. My hands found their way to his soft dark hair as I tried to calm him down with his touch.

'Do you want to talk about it?'

Of course he did not want to do that. He had been discussing this with dr. Dolan and I assure with himself the entire day as well. If I would have been in his position the only thing I would have wanted was to die. To get rid of all the pain.

'Maybe,' he spoke us to my surprise. His voice sounded so incredibly broken and raspy that it made me feel sad. 'I just feel like shit. I am such a bad person.'

'No you are not Harry,' I spoke up against his words. 'I assure you Ginny does not feel that way about you either. You still love her, right?' I asked. He nodded against my chest in respond, making me continue talking. 'Exactly, so why would she have stopped loving you?'

'B-Because I am a m-monster.'

'Oh Harry, have you still not learnt that the only monsters are hiding inside of our heads. That is the real monster, the one that is making you feel this was. But that does not mean you are him, because you are not. Any other guy would probably not even care about the other person, but you do. You care so much, something that I admire about you. However, right know it is killing you from the inside, am I right?'

He nodded against my chest again, allowing his tears to make my shirt wet again. 'I d-do not know I-if she w-will ever b-be able to f-forgive me.'

'She will,' I spoke quickly, knowing that Ginny was not a unreasonable person. Eventually she would understand that maybe this was the best. Being in a loveless relationship would have given the both of them more pain. 'But more importantly, will you be able to forgive yourself?'

The crying boy did not respond to that. I softly placed a kiss into his hair, loving the way he smelled. If the situation would have been different, I knew that I would have allowed myself to enjoy him being close a lot more. But I was not stupid, the only reason he craved my touch was because of his heart brake, once that was gone he would not do it anymore. He would not care any longer.

'C-Can I stay w-with you?' the raven-haired boy asked with an broken voice. 'Just t-tonight?'

I placed a kiss to his forehead this time, feeling his soft skin against my lips made me shiver. 'You can stay as long as you want.'