Aftermath • Drarry

000

"So that is it.

That is how I lost you.

I do not know how it could have happen. The nurses told me that the fire was caused by a stupid accident. One of their computers had been overheated causing a wire to catch fire. After that the flames had the chance to expand, and before anybody could do something the flames had burnt down the entire room.

I remember waking up in the hospital a few days later. I had gasped for air, allowing my lungs to be filled with fresh air again. My mother was siting on a chair next to my bed. Ginny Weasley and Hermione Granger were sitting on the other side. The first thing I could think about when I woke up was you.

"Where is he?" I had asked with a sore and raspy voice. The smoke had found a way to destroy my voice as well. "Where is Harry?"

None of them had reacted. Nobody dared to say anything. This alone had made my heart stop beating for a moment in fear that the worst had happened to you. And it had. My beloved mother told me that you had not made it. The firemen and ambulance brothers had tried to resuscitate you, but you had been too far gone by then. I cried for days after hearing this.

You, the Boy Who Lived had died. All because of me. If I would have stayed with you, if I would have never left your side you might have still been alive. It hurts me so much to know that you died during that horrible night.

Fifty-tree people had died because of the endless sea of flames. You were one of them. Lydia had been one of them. I was not.

The doctors called it a miracle, they called me a miracle. Yet, I did not feel that way. I did not feel lucky, or special at all. I only felt a huge emptiness in my heart; it was the place where you had been. The place where you still were.

The day of your funeral was one of the few days I actually went outside again. The funeral service had been lovely, some of your friends had said something and so had I. I told everyone how amazing you were, or actually still are. I told everyone how your smile could light up an entire room. By the time the pastor had said that you were finally reunited with your parents, godfather and many others I had been inconsolable. Never before had I felt that amount of sadness, that amount of pain in my entire body and soul.

You were my little sunshine, you were my own personal ball of happiness. Because of you my life had made sense again. You had showed me what real love was, how it felt.

And now you were gone. Just like that. The Boy Who Lived, the boy who had seemed to be immortal had died after something that seemed to be so harmless after all those dangers you had faced. Lord Voldemort could not kill you, his entire army could not kill you. Yet, this fire had killed you. It had taken your life just like that, it had wiped away your life as if it was nothing. But it was. To me and to many others.

Strangely enough Ginny Weasley had been the person that could comfort me the best during the first four, maybe five months after your dead. Instead of visiting you she came to visit me in an other clinic. Lucia came to visit me many, many more times. She was, compared to me, actually getting better. But not even that could cheer me up. The only thing that could make me smile again was you. Your love. Your voice. Your soul.

The weirdest thing is that I cannot even remember what the last thing I said to you was. My memories of that night were very blurry and vage. I knew that we had kissed before I left you. I had wanted to be even closer to you. At that point life seemed to have so many great opportunities. At that point I had believed that maybe we could sincerely be happy together. Unfortunately that was just a moment, since not even tree hours later you had died. You had fucking died, and there was nothing I could do to get you back. No matter how much I wanted to. I would have given my life for you, Harry. More then anything else I wished that I could have taken your place. That I could have died instead of you.

However, you had died and I had not. There was no changing that. Nothing could reverse that. Nothing could bring you back to life again.

Knowing that you did not want me to feel that sad again, I tried to make the best out of my life. But I failed miserably trying to do so. Nothing seemed to cheer me up anymore, nothing seemed to give me as much pleasure as you could by just looking at me.

I was afraid to fall in love with someone else. It felt like I might betray you by doing so, crazy is it not? How much you were able to change my life for the better in such a small amount of time.

Yet you found a way to destroy my entire life in an even shorter amount of time. I know that you did not choose to die, but some days I just have to get rid of all the anger and sadness, I am sorry that I blame it all on you when I break down. You are not the reason that my life if miserably right now. You really are not.

You were the one that made my life so much better. You were the one that showed me the meaning of love, affection and appreciation. You were the star in my darkness, the light at the end of my tunnel.

And I loved you. I still do. More then anything in this world

I wished that we could have been happy together. But we were not created to live a happy life, we really were not.

I just want you to know that I love you, unconditionally. I hope that you are happy up there, I hope that you are with your biological family. With your mother, father, godfather and professor Lupin. I hope that they are everything you have always hoped for.

But I secretly hope that you think of me sometimes as well, just like I think of you. I hope that you feel loved, protected and wanted. Yet, I hope that you miss me the way I miss you every day. Because every morning I still try to reach for you when I wake up. But you are never there. And you never will be.

Could you please promise me that when I die you will be there to help me cross to the other side? Could you please promise to keep an eye on me when everything is slipping right through my fingers? I love to think that you protect me, that you are still with me.

That made me think about something you had said that afternoon, just a few hours before you had closed your eyes to never open them again. You were talking about an Aftermath, remember? You told me how proud you were that you had won that battle against your own demons and I had agreed.

But I had never been so wrong in my entire life. The real aftermath had started after that night; after the night you died. I am trying to do my best, but I am losing the fight. However, I will never give up. Never.

Thank you for making me experience how true love felt, even if it was a little too short. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for caring about me. Thank you for everything.

I will never forget you, just like I will never forget how much you meant to me. I love you, Harry James Potter. More then anything else."