Aftermath • Drarry

036

Mind is open, thoughts are woken

There goes the sunrise

Heart is broken, love unspoken

Here comes the moonlight - Blink-182; Left Alone

***

'Oh boy, what a mess you have made,' Cecilia spoke, carefully wrapping my hands in bandage. I knew that I was supposed to feel something, anything would do. But I did not. No pain. No shame. Nothing. It was like I had been bathing in a bath filled with numbness while my skin had been sucking up all that numb feelings. Despite the fact that I felt like someone had stolen all my emotions I did feel a little guilt. Guilt towards my mother, who I had treated horribly.

Guilt always found a way to come just a little too late. What had been said was in the past now, there was nothing I could do to change it anymore. Knowing that made me feel even more powerless.

'So, that will do for today,' she proudly said, letting go of my damaged hands that were now covered with a soft white fabric. 'I called dr. Dolan right away and she promised me to be here before the night falls. Her family-member is doing fine, so please do not feel guilty for the fact that she had to come back to her job even though her own personal life was a little chaotic.'

I did not feel sorry. I did not feel at all.

'It was very kind of you, Mr Potter to take care of him the way you did,' the nurse all of a sudden praised the raven-haired boy who was sitting behind me on the bed. He had refused to leave my side and even though the friendly nurse had tried to persuade him as much as she could he had refused to leave me alone with her. Normally, the boy's with the green eyes gesture would have made me feel so incredibly loved. At that moment however, I did not feel a thing.

'It was the least I could do,' Harry spoke, being modest as ever. I knew that he was right behind me, but my body was not ready to face his one just yet, so I continued staring at my hands. Something that made me feel even more numb, knowing that I had called all of this upon myself. If I would have reacted like a normal person would do I would have never found myself in this situation.

Unfortunately, I just was not a normal person. No matter how hard I tried.

'I will leave the two of you alone, for now. I will be back as soon as I can with dr. Dolan, is that okay with you guys?' Cecilia asked, grabbing her First Aid Kid. Yeah,' Harry mumbled, reacting for the both of us since I could not bring myself to do so. 'That is fine, but please hurry. I have never seen him this distant before and to be honest, it scares me,' he said, whispering the last part. He did not want me to hear that, but I did. Of course I did. I heard everything.

'I will try my best and so will dr. Dolan, but you know how traffic can be a bitch, right?'

A soft laugh escaped the lips that belonged to the boy with the glasses, but I knew that it was not a honest one. Normally he would sound a lot more careless. I heard a pair of footsteps leaving the room, and as soon as the door closed I felt this extremely hopeless feeling. Tears filled my eyes once again, and even though I tried to fight them I failed miserably.

'O, Dray,' Harry whispered softly, taking a seat next to me. Not even the warmth of his body that normally drove me crazy could break the thick layer of numbness that I felt. 'Why did you hurt yourself? You know that you do not deserve this pain?' he mumbled as he grabbed my hands, holding them closely. 'You do not deserve this, and I promise you that I will do whatever it takes to make sure that you never have to go through this again.'

I did not react to that either. My brains did not seem to work fast enough to process his words. As sweet and kind as they were, they did not reach me. Nothing did at that point. All I could think about was my mother, my beautiful, kind, loving and caring mother that was beaten by my hateful, careless and rude father. How on earth did their relationship turn out this way? Where had it gone wrong?

'He hit her, Harry,' I finally said after a long silence. A silence in which the soft hands of the other boy had not let go of mine. 'He hit her like she is his fucking doll or something. Is that right? Is that how love goes?'

My voice was raspy, low and broken from all the helpless and angry screams and sobs that had left my lips. My voice sounded the exact same way I felt; broken and scared. All I wanted was to disappear. Sooner rather then later.

'No,' the Boy Who Had Lived spoke. 'No it is not, he should not treat her that way. That is so wrong. But please, Dray, remember that this has nothing to do with you. Your mother is a strong women, she will leave him eventually. The only thing she needs is some help, but you cannot give her that help. Someone else must do that, unfortunately I do not think you can be this someone since you mean too much to her.'

'It is not fair,' I spoke, feeling how the first tear escaped my steel-blue eye. 'It really is not.'

'I know,' the other boy agreed with me, pulling me even closer. 'But sometimes life just is not fair, you know that right? Sometimes bad things have to happen in order to let the good things shine even brighter. Without the darkness, we would not be able to see the stars shining, right?'

I nodded in agreement, slowly, but carefully. He was right. He always was.

'Why are you so wise?' I asked him, slowly kissing him on his cheeks. 'Thank you, thank you for all of this. For caring about me, for loving me. For being with me even through a situation like this.'

'You would do the exact same thing for me,' he whispered, slowly kissing my forehead. 'Or at least, I hope you would.'

I did not feel like laughing yet, but I did manage to put a small smile on my lips. 'Of course I would.'

We heard a knock on the door, soon followed by dr. Dolan who looked as concerned as Harry had done when he had found me. 'O, my dear boy,' she said, looking at me. 'I am gone for just a few days and you make such a mess,' my therapist said on a kind tone. 'Come on, we have a lot to talk about.'

I nodded, feeling how my body rose itself from the chair. My eyes found their way back to a certain green pair of eyes. 'I am sorry, Mr Potter. But you will not be able to go with us, this is something private between the two of us.'

'I understand,' the raven-haired boy agreed before squeezing my hands really quickly and leaving us. 'I suggest we go to my office,' my therapist suggested, causing me to nod and follow her to her small office once again where we talked; about almost everything.

I told her about my mother's lie, about the anger, the sadness I had been feeling. And about the urge I had to feel something else than that overpowering feeling I had felt inside. I told her about the cups, that were probably still lying completely chattered on the ground.

The only thing I did not confess to her was once again the role Harry Potter had played in all of this.

'We will work on all of this Mr Malfoy, please remember that once you have learnt how to deal with that anger and sadness you will not have to feel this way,' she promised me. But even that did not trigger a small hope to arise. There was nothing, no tears, no emotion. I had told my story and had not felt anything. It was like my voice was speaking for itself, like someone else was using it.

'You will get better,' dr. Dolan promised me. 'But only if you are really willing to work hard for you recovery. Are you willing to do whatever it takes to recover?'

I nodded, not knowing why. Her words were not completely processed by my brains, yet my voice had already spoken. 'I am,' I promised her as well. 'I will do whatever I can to never feel this way before.'