Aftermath • Drarry

022

Did you really want to die?

No one commits suicide because they want to die.

Then why do they do it?

Because they want to stop the pain -Tiffanie DeBartolo; How to Kill a Rock Star

***

'You are cheating!' Lucia almost screamed through the living room as I won the stupid came we were playing for the fifth time. All you had to do was throw the dices and hope you would be the one that came first to the finish. There was nothing to cheat with in this game.

'No, I am not,' I spoke, looking her in the eye. 'I doubt anyone can even cheat with this game!'

For a moment she looked a little doubtful to the bord, but she did not agree with me as I had expected her to do. 'Well, you are cheating anyway. There just is not a different option. No one can be that lucky.'

My eyes wandered off to a certain boy who was watching once again stupid cartoons. 'Maybe that is just what I am,' I said, still looking at him, 'lucky.'

Lucia's light-blue eyes followed mine until she saw that they were focused on a certain raven-haired boy. Instead of saying anything, like I had expected her to do, she just raised her eyebrows and smiled at me. I felt my heart starting to beat faster, hoping that she would not suspect anything.

However, I did not even know for sure if there was anything for her to suspect. We were only friends after all, or at least I liked to believe we were.

'O my God,' Lucia suddenly spoke, causing my eyes to leave the beautiful boy sitting in front of the television. My steel-blue eyes followed hers this time and found a tall, red-haired boy standing on the other side of the small window that showed the hallway. Dr. Dolan was standing besides him, her lips were moving so I assumed she was giving him the same tour she had given me the day of my arrival. 'He must be the new boy,' the short girl pointed out. It surprised me that he had come so early, especially since Serena had just left us a day or three ago.

'Well, that happened fast,' I said, looking at the black-haired girl with a frown lying in my forehead. 'Who was in here before I came?'

Lucia looked at me with a frown lying in her forehead as well. 'I am not really sure you want to know that,' she spoke, sounding guilty. 'Please Lucia, I want to know,' I begged her playfully, something that made her laugh and made the frown disappear. 'Alright, but if you get nightmares then you cannot blame me.'

I placed my hand on my heart as I said: 'I promise you I will not blame you if I lie wide awake tonight.'

'Alright, but remember that you forced me to do this, okay?' she said, but did not wait for me to reply. 'His name was Travis. I do not know when he came in here but it must have been a long time ago. He was Harry's roommate first, you know,' Lucia explained to me, making me feel slightly jealous to know that someone else had slept in the same bed I had slept in next to the Boy Who Had Lived. Why I felt that way was a mystery for me, especially since I knew Harry had not been social at all before I came. 'Do not worry, they did not have the same kind of friendship the two of you have. I believe that is only a good thing since he, well, he killed himself two days before you came.'

It felt like someone had punched me in the face as soon as her words got to me. He had killed himself. Someone had fucking taken his own life because he felt that desperate. Because he wanted the voices to shut up.

'That is awful,' I spoke, trying to express my feelings. 'The poor boy must have suffered. I cannot believe how much he must have craved for a bit of peace. Did any of you, you know, see it coming?'

'No,' the short girl spoke without a doubt, 'and that was the weirdest part of it. He seemed to be perfectly normal, he really seemed to make some progress. We all thought he would leave us soon, just not in that way. To the outside world he seemed to be doing just fine. It was such a shock to hear what he had done to himself.'

I could not believe what I had just heard. That poor boy. His poor family. The only positive thing I could think about was that he was finally free from all the pain he was suffering from. Unfortunately his family had taken over that pain now.

'Do you think he is nice?' the girl with the sparkly blue eyes asked after a long silence. My steel-blue eyes met the pair of brown ones that belonged to the red-haired boy as a shiver pulled trough my body. 'To be honest,' my voice said while my eyes could not leave his. 'I am not sure, what about you? What do you think?'

She looked at him as well with some sort of doubt in her eyes. I knew that there had been some men in her life who had not treated her the way they should have done. I also knew that this made it hard for her to trust anyone, but most of all it made her scared to trust someone male again. One way or another I had gained her trust over the course of the three weeks I had been there in the clinic, something that gave me satisfaction. I just wished that she did not have to go through the things her boyfriend made her go through.

'Hey,' I said, grabbing her hand and squeezing softly. 'It will be okay, alright? You are not alone in here, nothing can happen. If he was to be some sort of evil alien that wants to put his alien-eggs in you, I will protect you for his evilness.'

My words made her laugh, but despite the fact that I wanted her to laugh I also wanted her to know that she did not have to be afraid any longer. Her boyfriend really had to be a big jerk, the mark he left on this poor girl was stronger than he could ever imagine.

'I certainly hope he does not want to put any eggs in me,' she laughed, making me want to hear that laugh more often. But I did not get the same warm feeling I got when I made a certain boy laugh, even though it was the same thing. I was friends with Lucia, just as I had a friendship with Harry. However, she could not give me the same feeling he did; she could not make me feel loved and wanted the way he did. 'I do not think that I will be the perfect carrier for his alien babies.'

A laugh escaped my lips and echoed through the room. 'You have to see it from the bright side as well,' I then said. 'Maybe you can fly in his spaceship for free.'

'Or I will receive my own!' she fantasized, making the both of us burst into laughter. 'Do you think he will be our roommate as well?' I wondered after we had both stopped laughing. The black-haired girl raised her shoulders shortly, biting her soft looking lips. 'I do not know,' she said, 'do you want that?'

'No,' I said a little too quickly and a little too loud, something that made my cheeks turn hot. It was the truth though, I did not want anyone to disturb the friendship we had created. I knew that we could not speak openly to each other with someone else in the same room. To be honest, I needed those talks with Harry, I needed to hear his voice. I wanted to help him, to make sure he was okay. None of that could happen if he would move into our room as well. 'I mean, Harry and I do not need someone else in our room. The rooms are a little to small for that, you know.'

I could not help but let my eyes wander off to Harry, who was still sitting in front of the television. It was only then that I noticed that a certain pair of beautiful green eyes were not watching the cartoon in the television, but me in the reflexion. A smile appeared on the lips of the raven-haired boy as a blush crept upon my cheeks, knowing that his eyes had not left me since I had entered the room.