Hurts Like Hell | John Laurens

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Antoinette's POV:

"Laffy please!" I pleaded to my brother, "Don't leave!" Tears stream down my face. My brother was leaving me to join the revolution. He's the only family I have left. I can't lose him. I can't. 

"I'm s-sorry Toni." He kneels down to wipe my tears. His brown eyes are filled with so much pain and empathy. 

"I c-can't loose you! Please Laf!" I cry, throwing my arms around Lafayette and holding him tightly. Like if I let go he would fade into ash. He sighs. "I can't loose you Lafayette. If you die I'll be all alone, I-I'll have no one."

"You won't loose me. I promise. I'll walk right through that door as soon as the war is over. I promise." Laf says.

His words echo in my head. I won't lose him. I know he's doing this for good reason. He wants to help. Who am I to stop him from helping this country, especially after it gave us a new life. "Alright," I obliged, "Just stay alive. Please. I wish you the best of luck, brother."

"Goodbye, Toni," Laf hugs me, "I'll stay alive. I promise. And never ever forget, that I love you"

"I love you too Laf" I hug him tight, not wanting to let go knowing this might be the last time I ever see my brother.

Lafayette kisses my cheek, and smiles at me, before leaving.

"Hey! Toni! Are you alright?" I'm pulled back into reality, as my best friend Peggy snaps her fingers in front of my face. Her face has concern washed all over it. How long was I zoned out? 

"Hmm? Oh, yeah I'm fine." I say, looking at Peggy.

"Really? You don't seem fine, judging by the tears." She wipes under my eyes, and sure enough, I was crying.

"I just miss my brother." I sigh. Peggy gives me a sympathetic smile. Peggy has a smile that could light up a room. 

"He's written to you, right?" She asks, I nod.

"Every day. He tells me about the revolution, his English is pretty bad but he's gotten better. Sometimes he goes back and forth between English and French though. He told me about these men he's became friends with, Hercules, Alexander, and John." I smile.

"Ooh, John," Peggy smirks, "Do you like this John fellow? I bet he's handsome."

"W-What no!" I laugh. How could I like someone I've never met before? 

"You stumbled over his name, and blushed when I mentioned him! You so like him!" Peggy claps her hands together and sighs, "Love, oh how I love, love!" She gasps, and falls backwards onto her bed.

I giggle, "I've never even met the man, Peggy! He probably doesn't even know I exist!"

"Knowing your brother, and knowing how proud of you he is. I've seen him brag about how smart and beautiful his sister is! I'm sure they know lots about you!" Peggy giggles. A slight smile makes its way to my face.

"Thanks Peggy," I stand up off her bed, "Well I must be going, I've got a long day ahead of me."

"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow, Toni."

"Goodbye Margarita." I wave.

"Goodbye Antoinette." Peggy waves back.

I show myself out of the Schuyler residence, paying my farewells to Peggy's brothers and sisters, as well as Mr. and Mrs. Schuyler.

I hum a small tune to myself, my brother and I would sing it to each other when we were children. Him, now being the age of twenty, and myself sixteen. My brother was eighteen when he left, and I was fourteen. Our parents had just passed and we fled to the colonies for a hopefully better life. A fresh start. I haven't seen Lafayette in person, in two years. I wish this war would end so I could see him.

Or, I could see him. I could be with my brother again! In order to do that, I'd have to be a man, I'd have to join the revolution. That could never happen. There's no way in hell they would let a woman join the revolution. 

**********

Well I tried.
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