Hurts Like Hell | John Laurens

Vingt Et Deux

"Bonjour mama." Frances smiles and kisses my cheek as she prances into the room with a huge grin painted on her face. 

"What's got you in such a good mood?" I smile. 

"So you know how I've fancied on Philip since like, forever?" 

"Of course." I smile and set down the cup I was washing to turn my attention to my eighteen year old daughter. 

"So a little birdie told me he fancies me as well and I don't know if he does but mamawhatifhedoesivelikedhimforyearsimightevenlovehimmamadoilovehim WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THIS!" Frances groans and puts her face in her hands. 

"Well, mon amour. What does your heart say?" 

"My heart is saying he likes me." 

"Well always listen to your heart, mon amour." 

Frances nods, "Should I speak with him about it." 

"Non," I shake my head, "It's "unladylike" or so I've been told. You must wait for him. And if he loves you he will. It may take some time but he will." 

Frances sighs. 

"Philip just turned nineteen, it's about time he finds himself a wife too. I'm sure Alexander has talked to him about it." I smile. 

"There's been rumor that Philip is going to challenge George Eacker to a duel today." Frances sighs. 

"What?" My expression changes from happy to worried. 

"Eacker was talking bad about Mr. Hamilton and there is word going around Philip is going to challenge him to a duel." 

"Maybe you should speak with him about that." 

... frances' pov ... 

Shortly after I make my way to the Hamilton estate. I knock on the door and Eliza opens it with a smile. 

"Frances, dear! Come in! Come in!" Eliza smiles and allows me into their home, "What brings you here?" 

"I was hoping to see Philip." I smile.

"He's in his bedroom, dear." 

"Thank you, Eliza." 

Eliza smiles and I make my way to Philip's room. I say hello to each of his siblings I pass, and give Angelica a hug. I knock on Philip's door and he's quick to open it. 

His eyes light up when he sees me, "Frances!" 

"Hello Philip." I smile. 

"Would you like to go on a walk with me?" He asks, holding out his arm. 

"Of course." I smile and take his arm. 

Philip informs Eliza of were we're going before we leave. 

"So?" Philip breaks the silence as we walk. 

"So.." My heart begins racing. 

"I figured I should tell you this. Tomorrow at dawn," Philip takes a deep breath and my heart feels like it's beating out of my chest, "I'm dueling Eacker." 

I feel my heart shatter and a tear runs down my cheek, "Why?" Is all I can mutter past my lips.

"He was saying shit about my father, and I cannot let that slide." 

I look up at Philip and wipe my tears, "Philip I can't loose you," A single tear falls slowly down my cheek, "Please." 

"I can't. It's already done. The duel will take place in Weehawken, at dawn." 

I remain silent as we walk, and wipe away every tear that falls. If we weren't in public I know Philip would be comforting me but me being an unmarried woman showing public displays of affection could have me prosecuted. 

(look at me doing research. that was an actual thing btw. an unmarried woman could be prosecuted for showing pda) 

"I'm sorry, Frances. He soiled my father's name... I-I can't let that slide." 

I wipe my hands on the fabric of my black mourning dress. 

"Philip I can't bear to wear black any longer. Please. I already lost her I can't loose you too. If I loose you I will wear black for the rest of my life." I mutter the last part. 

I wear my mourning dress due to the loss of my baby sister. She died a few months ago, she was only two months old. 

"I know. I know you wish to wear yellow, and blue again," Philip smiles, "Your favorite colors." 

I bite my lip and adjust my bonnet. 

"I cannot cancel the duel, Frances. Eacker won't let me back down. I won't lose. I promise." 

"I can't loose you." 

Everyone around me gives me looks of sympathy, seeing my black gown. Some know I lost a sibling, some do not. However everyone knows I've been mourning a loss. 

"I love you." I whisper. 

I swear I hear Philip mutter the same words, but I remain silent and we continue walking