Hurts Like Hell | John Laurens

Deux

A few weeks pass before the next time I see Peggy. I write to her, but spent most of my time reading all of Lafayette's letters and reading a few books. I've done some thinking, and I know it's crazy to think I could join the revolution as a woman. Maybe I could disguise myself as a man. They would never know. I mean the war is dying down, or I hope so at least. I think it's a perfect plan. Maybe I should talk to Peggy. 

I blow out my candles and leave mine and Lafayette's house. It's extremely quiet without Laf here, but I've gotten used to it. The Schuyler estate is only a ten minute walk from mine, so it doesn't take long for me to be knocking on the door. Peggy's little brother Philip answers the door. 

"Toni! You must be here to see Margarita. She is in her room!" Philip smiles, inviting you in and closing the door. 

"Thank you Philip." You smile back at him before heading to Peggy's room. You knock three times.

"Come in." 

"Peggy! I have a plan to see my brother." 

***

"Are you sure about this, Toni?" Peggy asks, glancing up at me. I nod. She hands the letter back to me and sighs.

"I need to see him Peggy."

"But you don't have to go to war! You could get hurt, o-or worse!" Peggy exclaims, "You could die Toni!"

"I won't die! I'll be fine!" I hold her hand to comfort her. Peggy looks extremely hesitant, but her glance softens. 

"Well your name is very original. Anthony. Really Toni?" Peggy says, a smile tugging at her lips.

"It's all I could think of! And if they call me Tony I'll respond since its my actually nickname!" I say. Peggy sighs and giggles.

"You should send this off to General Washington." Peggy says, I nod and stamp the letter.

"Well Peggy. I'm joining the revolution."

***

A few days later I receive two letters in the mail. One from my brother, and the other from General Washington.

"How am I supposed to write to Lafayette!" I gasp, "Oh no, Peggy I didn't even think about Lafayette!"

"Relax!" Peggy places a hand on my shoulder, "Just write a letter, pretend you're writing home, but address it to Lafayette and give it to him with his letters! He'll never know!"

"You're so smart Peggy." I laugh.

"I know. Now open the letter!"

I open the letter from General Washington and read it.

"He accepted my request!"

"When do you leave?" Peggy asks, her smile dropping a bit.

"The general said as soon as possible. So I'll leave tomorrow morning." I say, Peggy sighs and frowns.

"Well, let's make your last day in Albany the best!" She stops herself, "Well, your last day until you return when the colonies are free from the tyranny of Great Britain!"

I smile, "Let's go, Miss Schuyler."

Peggy and I spent the rest of the day walking around town. We stopped in the library to pick up some books, as well as a tailors so Peggy could pick up some new dress fabric. Peggy insisted I stayed with her tonight, saying we could pack my bags in the morning. 

***

Peggy and I slightly overslept, but we made it to my place in time to pack everything I needed. 

"I'll miss you." She says.

I sigh and hug her, "I'll come home. I promise."

"Write to me, every day," she says, "And I'll get your letters from Lafayette and re address them to Anthony Van Pell."

"I will. Thank you so much, Peggy. I don't know what I would do without you." I smile at her.

The carriage arrives in front of mine and Lafayette's estate. I hug Peggy one last time.

"Goodbye, Margarita Schuyler." I whisper in her ear.

"Goodbye, Antoinette De Lafayette." She whispers back. I release her from the hug, and smile at her, before climbing in the carriage.

It's very different wearing a man's clothing. I had to borrow some from my brother, and I used medical tape to bandage my chest so it appeared flat. It hurts a bit, but I'm sure I'll get used to it. It's similar to a corset, but a bit harder to breathe. 

"So," the carriage driver says, "Are you courting the Schuyler girl?"

"Oh no. We're simply childhood friends" I say. The carriage driver chuckles.

Within a few hours, we reach the camp. I make my way to the General's tent.

"G-General Washington, sir. It's a pleasure" I salute the general and he looks up at me.

"Name, son?" He asks.

"Anthony Van Pell, sir"

Another person walks into the tent.

"You'll be with Laurens, Mulligan, Hamilton, and Lafayette." Washington says, "Laurens here will show you."

"Yes sir," Laurens says.

He's.... Wow. 

"What's your name?" Laurens asks.

"A-Anthony." I say.

"I'm John. Nice to meet you, Anthony"

John Laurens

"Nice to meet you as well, John" I say.

We reach the tent, and I see three other men. One sitting at a desk writing, the other two playing cards and chugging a flask of alcohol.

"Everyone, this is Anthony" John says.

"Hello" the two playing cards mutter.

I take a better look at them, one of them I recognize as my brother. I bite my lip to contain a smile.

"That's Alexander," John points to the one at the desk writing, "and that's Lafayette and Herc."

***

"How old are ya kid" Herc asks, taking a drink from his mug.

"E-Eighteen" I say.

Well I'm actually sixteen but you had to be 18 to join the revolution so I might've lied about that.

"Got a lady back home?" Herc asks, I shake my head.

"N-No"

"Ah come on! There's gotta be at least one special someone." Herc says.

"Don't pressure the poor boy." Alexander pips up. That's the first time I've heard him talk since I got here.

"Thanks Alexander." I say. Alexander nods.

I catch John starting at me, he blushes and looks away.

God his freckles are like the stars in the sky, and his eyes oh my. His eyes are the ocean and I'm drowning in them.