Every Little Thing You Do (Westlife FanFic) [On-Hold]

Chapter 17 - Why Do I Love You?

A/N: Hi my dear readers! To be honest with you, this chapter is supposed to be my favorite but it didn't turned out to be what I want it to become. It is not emotional as it must be, so to fill in my own disappointments (and yours too), kindly paly the video over there! ~~>> Credits goes to the video owner! :D

Happy reading!

~nonalieWL

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CHAPTER 17: Why Do I Love You?

Time flies by too fast. The next thing I know is I had fallen for my best friend.

Shane is an ideal guy for every girl. No wonder I like him. But I know it isn't right.

This feeling started a few times after I first saw him. As days pass by, my feelings for him grow. At first, it was only a crush. Next, I like him. But now...

I think I love him.

But no. I shouldn't. Knowing the fact that there's already someone in his heart is already a valid reason to stop myself from expecting anything from him. She may be miles away but chances are, they'll end up together. I love him... He loves her... She has a crush on him...

I love him... He loves her... She has a crush on him...

I love him... He loves her... She has a crush on him...

"It sucks!"

"I told you, Ana. Do I have to repeat it?"

"I know Gail. You don't need to repeat. It plays on my mind every time."

"The truth sets you free, Ana. But it will first piss you off."

"It's killing me, Gail."

"You know, as your sister, I advise you to stop thinking of it. You're too young to have love problems. Instead of thinking about that, divert you attention to your studies."

"But... but how can I concentrate if I always feel this something with him? When seeing him? Tell me how."

She pretended to think. I bowed my head looking at the floor.

"Ah! I know now!" I jerked as she said that while tapping the desk.

"Do you even need to surprise me? So what is it?"

"Let me call it... Operation: Kill the Feel."

Kill the feel. Sounds good, huh.

"From the word itself 'Kill the Feel', we'll be stopping that feeling you feel. It will be somewhat a process of moving on."

She started pulling the drawers below my desk. She found the bracelet. She was observing it. Then she raised it like she's going to throw it.

"Hey! What are you doing?!"

"I'm going to throw it."

She was about to toss it when I stopped her.

"No! Don't"

"Why not?"

"He... gave it to me."

"That's it! He gave it to you. If you always see or wear this, that stupid heart of yours will keep beating for him."

"But he said—"

"No more 'but's." I stopped her once again.

"But he said I should keep that. He'll get mad if he finds out I throw it."

"Okay. But let me keep it to where you can't see it."

She found few more things on my desk and she found... the notebook. I immediately grabbed it before she can read it.

"No."

"Ana."

"No!"

"Give me that!"

"No!!" I was embracing it but she managed to get it from me. She started opening the notebook. I was kind of upset as I bit my lower lip while seeing her holding that notebook. And at the same time, I was pissed and shaking.  She knows all about my secret feelings for Shane but she must not know about that notebook. And now she did.

This was the one he gave me during my first birthday here in Sligo, and it served as my diary.

She was now turning the page fast. Then she turned to me. "Seriously? Are every page required to have the name 'Shane' in it? Oh God!!!"

The notebook which was 2-centimetres-thick was filled with my confessions.

"Is there any worse than this?"

"That's already the craziest thing I've ever done here in my room."

"Good. Be ready later at night."

"Why?"

"We will empty that bin with fire."

I looked at her with a shock on my face.

"Why are you giving me that look? I thought you want to kill the feel."

I nodded.

"Then we're burning that later."

"Okay." Even if it's against my will.

She left my room and I sat on my bed. I brought a pen and a piece of paper with me.

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I'm not going to show my weakness

I'm going to smile and tell them I'm fine

I'll be keeping my senses

But deep inside where no one can hear me

I'll be crying... for you...

Why do I love you?

I don't even want to.

Why do I love you like I always do...

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I didn't notice the tears that fell down on the paper. I folded it and kept it inside my drawer.

After dinner, Gail and I went to the garage. She was holding the lighter while I was holding the trashcan. I sighed before I poured everything in the burning bin. She lit it up. It was already burning. I can see the ashes.

The smoke entered my eyes. It made my eyes look reddish.

"Ana."

"What?"

"You can cry it out."

"Huh?"

"I know you're trying to hold them back. You can cry now."

"I'm not holding my tears! It's just because the smoke entered my eyes!" The smoke made my tears fall out.

She rubbed my back. "Liar."

I wiped my tears.

"I'm not crying, Gail."

"Stop fooling yourself."

We watched the fire ignite through the pages of the notebook.

"Ana, can you promise me something?"

I looked at her without saying anything.

"Don't cry for him with the same reason again, okay?"

I didn't remove my sight at her. I waited for her to say more. She looked at the bin.

"I've been to your shoes, Ana. That's why I completely understand you."

She gave me a weak smile, and then she looked away. I noticed that she was also tearing up, but I chose not to mind it.

"And I don't want you to experience something worse than what I've undergone. It was hard, really hard. Promise me that."

"I promise Gail."

From now on, I am officially killing the feeling. And being bestfriends is what we will ever be.