Secrets

09 » FEELINGS

74 days before.

A warm and fuzzy feeling overlapped me.

This was my first kiss, and it lasted for at least twenty seconds. Miles pulled back, and I tried to catch my breath. The kiss was breathtaking, and I didn't see it coming. I watched as Miles blushed, which was strange because I've never seen him do so before.

My cheeks heated too, and I felt butterflies. I bobbed my head down, staring at my feet, my hands clutching the bench that both Miles and I were seated on. In the office behind us, a phone rang and I made out the familiar last name.

While I waited, the silence between Miles and I starts to get deafening. I stare ahead, realizing Fern was sitting on the other bench across from us. Her eyes glare back into mine.

Jerking my head away, I narrowed my eyes back to my feet again. I swung my feet around in a circular motion, as I waited for the Principle to call me into his office.

---

Turns out, I was suspended for a week.

I was also sent home early because of it. What only scares me about this suspension was the fact they rang my mum on her mobile phone while she was at work, which is rare.

I packed my bag, as ordered from the Principle. While I do so, I feel a pair of eyes trained on my back, and I sudenly feel cautious. I slowly turn, and on the other side of the rows of lockers the familair face of Fern glares at me.

I scowl back at her, and she swings her bag and struts away.

Out the front of the school building, I hug myself to gain some warmth. My eyes are trained on the road, waiting to see the familiar silver Hyundai Elantra. When it pulls into view, I make my way over to the car, pulling open the passenger side door before sliding in. I rest my bag between my legs and stare out the window.

My eye throbs painfully, and there's another wave of deafening silence that makes me turn my attention to my mother. She's staring before her, hands lightly holding the steering wheel. I turn my head away, the cars flying past.

My mum hasn't even spoken to me, not until we reach a red traffic light.

"I'm disappointed in you." she said, the disappointed in her voice.

"I know," I firmly state.

My mother doesn't say anything, not for a long five minutes.

"Why did you get into a fight, anyway?" She questions and I sigh.

"It's a long story," I say.

"Tell me." She orders and I fiddle with my fingers.

I told her everything; starting off with Fern's text messages. I tell her I wouldn't have hurt if she didn't say what she did.

While I speak, I notice my mum's grip on the steering wheel tighten.

"She told me that maybe I was jealous. I mean I don't think I was. Then, after I reassured her I wasn't jealous she told me that maybe I was right. That he wouldn't date someone so dumb and childish. I lost it at that, and I slapped her. People cheered for her to punch me back, and when she did I punched her back. She got my eye, and I somehow got her jaw."

My mum was silent. She loosened her grip while I talked, but when I told her about how Fern had called me dumb and childish she gripped the steering wheel again. But she didn't know what to say, but then again she did.

"You know you're grounded right?" It was a rhetorical question, so of course I know the answer to it. I nodded my head.

"I guessed that when I got into the car."

Back at home, I got sent to my room and told to finish any homework.

I did what I was told, but I only had one piece of homework to complete. I finished a lot earlier than I expected, and it was only 10:30am.

I had nothing better to do for the rest of the day, not until the time school ended and I knew Miles would want to make sure everything was fine.

As if on cue, at 4:30pm, Miles knocked on my bedroom window.

Once I let him in, he sat down besides me at the end of my bed. He brushed my shoulder, and I felt almost as if I was feeling electric shots shoot through my left shoulder. A shiver went down my spine. Thankfully, Miles didn't notice.

"I uh-wanted to make sure everything was okay," Miles said as soon as he sat down besides me.

I only just shrugged. "I'm fine. I guess. My eye throbs, but I'm fine."

Miles nodded. "But that's not all." he stated and I jerked my head to look at him.

"What do you mean?" I asked, my heart beat increasing almost immediately.

"I don't know about you, but something has changed between us. Both of us, feeling a lot different towards each other. As if, we're not just that sarcastic but funny best friends now. Now we're-I don't know-"

"Feeling different around each other?" I finished.

"Yeah. I guess," said Miles "Listen, about that kiss I-"

"It's okay, Miles. You just got caught up in the moment."

"No," he shook his head "When I look at you, I can't see that best friend I've known for my entire life. I see this, beautiful girl who's smart but can't see it. And when I'm around you I feel as if someone has just shot one of cupids love arrows at my heart and I feel my heart race. It's not easy to explain."

"Miles," I start "Are you stating that you have feelings towards me?"

Miles half shrugged but half nodded. "Yeah, I guess so."

I stared ahead at my bedroom door. It was sinking in by now. But there's something I need to ask myself. Was I jealous of Fern and her beauty and her smarts and how Miles had feelings for her but not me? Was I really jealous how he would stare at her like she was the only girl in the room? And the most important question is, do I have possible feelings towards him, too?

I guess it was obvious.

"I was jealous of Fern. Her beauty, her smarts and how you liked her other than me. I was jealous of how you looked her, as if she was the only girl in the room. As if I wasn't there. I felt this tug inside of me, and I guess that's why I wanted to slap her so badly. Because I was jealous."

"Are you saying that we both have feelings for one another, that isn't just friends?" He questions.

I shrug. "I think so."