Secrets

EPILOGUE » I REALLY MISS YOU

1 month after..

Today I talked to Miles.

I told him how much I miss him. Told him, I hope he's happy up there. That he's in my dreams most nights. In my dreams, he's always there with a smile. I wish he was truly happy all the time.

It's such a weird thing when I always saw him smiling. But to know he wasnt always like that, but depressed, really hurts. He could've trusted me, but even I know no matter how much I knew about him, he didnt want me to know of his depression.

And I guess thats okay. But the fact that he's no longer here because of it, isnt okay.

Sometimes I wonder what was his last thought. Was it of me? His brother?

I'm also trying to trust Fern again. She really opened up to me a month ago, and I wish I could tell her some of my past too, but I'm not so sure I want to tell her just yet.

~**~

I rocked back and forth of the swing set, the feeling of loneliness lingering in the pit of my stomach.

Without Miles, it's empty. It's not the same. At Miles funeral I was meant to write an eulogy but I couldnt find the right words. I still can't find the right words.

It's late, 10:30 pm. I snuck out to get some air. The first place I thought of was the park.

"Taylor?" I snap my neck to find my father watching me.

"D-Dad?" I stutter "What're you doing here?"

"I heard about Miles. Caught a plane to see if you were okay. Was just on my way to my motel when I realised it was you sitting here. But why are you out here this late?"

"Needed some air." I explain, dragging my feet along the bark under my feet. Dad joins me on the opposite swing.

"I'm sorry about Miles, Taylor." I stare ahead.

"Everyone keeps saying that," I mutter.

"I know." he sighs "But you can't blame yourself for his death, Taylor."

"I'm not," I cry

"And I know that! Just don't okay?" He's watching me carefully, "Promise me you won't blame yourself?"

I nod. "Promise."

"Good,"

~**~

It's 2 am now, and somehow I managed to realise what I wanted and needed to say for Miles eulogy. Because these are my last words to Miles;

"In life, you meet someone and you might end up knowing them for a few years. Or you might know them your whole life, depending who this person is. Miles was my best friend, but also my lover and I wouldnt have changed anything with him.

But, no matter what in life, you'll have regrets. My biggest regret was not being beside him on that day. But no matter what, I know I cant change that. And If I could, I would try save him.

But as I'm here, I have something to say to you Miles.

And that is I'm sorry. I'm sorry for anything I may have done to make you upset in the past. I'm sorry about your brothers death driving you to depression. I'm sorry you're no longer here because of it.

And whatever your last words may have been, I hope you were thinking of me. I hope I was the last one there on your mind.

And if I wasn't, then that's okay too.

Rest in Peace, Miles. Rest in Peace."

Also, I miss you Miles. I really miss you.

--

Hey!

This is the last chapter omg I'm actually upset that it's at it end. I had to write this quickly as I have to go to the gym tonight.

Hayley ☁︎