Secrets

21 » FUNERAL

5 days after.

I debate whether or not I should get up. But there's a sudden urge to as I stare up at the ceiling. Then, I count to 3 and jump out of bed.

I end up hitting the shower to freshen up, realising while I stood under the shower head that today was Miles funeral.

I can't tell if I'm crying or if it's the water spraying from the shower head but I don't care, instead I just shrug off the fact that if I am, I have every right.

My mother knocks at my door an hour later.

"Taylor, come on." she steps into my room as I stare up at the ceiling. I shake my head. "You have to go."

After about ten minutes with my mother trying to coax me into getting ready, I end up giving up, dressing in something appropriate for a funeral and tie my hair up into a high pony tail.

On the drive to the funeral home, I try not to burst into sobs. It's only been a week, but it's been a long hard week and I've been trying to avoid going to school most days, but when your best friend killed himself a week ago and nobody knew him like you did, you feel like nobody understands, although this isn't true because there are many people who know how it feels.

As soon as we arrive at the front doors of the funeral home, it starts to pour with rain. I dread the moment when we walk inside and I'd have to face Miles' coffin.

Miles' parents are thanking everyone at the front door, when both notice me. His mum pulls me into her arms, and suddenly the both of us are sobbing.

"He'd be so happy you're here." She takes a deep breath and straightens up her black knee length dress.

During the service I blank out the words of everyone, because I don't want to hear over and over again how Miles will be "dearly missed".

Through one of the windows, I watch as water drops dribble down the glass window.

Sometimes Miles would say that rain was just god crying, and maybe he is. Grieving over another person to pass on this earth.

Then, I start thinking about everything Miles and I went through. It's as if I remembering the first time we met when he was almost 1 years old and I was only 6 months. It was weird, because I somehow remember us two getting along and then my mother and Mrs Timms talking about how we'd probably date some day. I see us two as kids, playing in the backyard of each others houses, or at the park.

I see us when we both turned thirteen, starting high school. Then, I flashback to our first kiss. Then, our last kiss.

I feel my mother pull me close to her once I realised I was sobbing once more.

After the service I find myself still sitting in the same spot, when Mrs Timms settles beside me.

She's silent before she says "He really loved you, you know."

All I do is nod.

"Taylor," she starts "Miles had depression. There was nothing I could do to make him happy. He experienced his brothers death, and blamed himself for it. That night h-he...passed, it was the day his brother died four years ago. I wouldn't let him go because he remembered too late. I don't know what went through his mind during those final minutes, but finding him in his room like that shattered me."

I don't know what to say, instead I fumble with my fingers. A teardrop rolls down my cheek and I catch it.

When she leaves not a moment later, I end up staying, wanting time alone.

I stare blankly at the wall until another voice echoes around the room. I snap my head up to find Fern standing in the aisle.

"Hey," she takes a deep breath, watching me.

"What're you doing here? Were you-"

"Yes. I was invited." I settle my anger, watching her closely. "I'm sorry about Miles, Taylor."

I shrug. "Not your fault."

"I know it's not. But, can I tell you something? I know you basically hate me but-" she stops. I shrug again.

"Yes, my dad's the vice principle but he expects me to be this perfect child. To get good grades, not get suspended or expelled and all that-"

"Why are you telling me this-" I interrupt.

"But he abused and yelled at me constantly. I was helpless as I lost my mum when she gave birth to my little sister. My dad hasn't been the same since he lost my mother."

"I don't know what to say-"

"So I took out my violence on you as that day my father hurt me pretty badly. And I constantly think about the pain I've given you. And I want us to be friends. You've just lost Miles and I don't want to be in this boat with us hating each other."

She watches me again, hoping I'll come around.

"I-" I stutter, unsure what to say. "I mean, I'm sorry. About your mum and your position."

"It's nothing you need to worry about, Taylor."

"But I will. It's the sort of person I am. I worry."

"So, are we back to being on okay terms?" She asks and I nod.

"Yeah." She gives me a small smile and turns on her heels.

---

Hello :)

I've finally updated. Omg it took me about 10 days to write this because of writers block urgh.

Next chapter is actually the last chapter, and I've planned it to be a sad-ish chapter.

Next update will be whenever I can update as I've been pretty busy (and I'm still sick :c)

Hayley ☁︎