Secrets

19 » I'M SORRY, TAYLOR

Warning: This is an emotional chapter. Hold onto your feels! Involves suicidal thought, please do not read if you're easily triggered. This is what I had been saying was the big shock to the story this whole time.

-Hayley
---
0 days before, Miles POV:

I'm going through my homework that is due tomorrow, making sure I haven't misspelled a word or missed something in a paragraph when my message tone on my phone starts going off.

As I check my phone, something stands out. Suddenly the text message from Taylor doesn't stand out in my mind, but today's date.

11th August 2014

For a moment I'm unsure of this date until my heart plummets in my chest.

Today was four years ago my younger brother Adam was hit by a car at 7 years old.

Four years ago, I was looking after my brother at the same holiday house that Ellie nearly got hit by a car at. Instead, that day I pushed my brother onto the road when he we were fighting and I didn't see the car that would pass by in a minutes time, but a minutes time was all it took for my younger brother to get hit by that car and never wake up.

I started blaming myself for his death, because it was my fault. During that time I fell under a deep sadness and that following month I was tested with signs of depression and when that came back positive, I decided to keep it a secret. A dark secret.

Taylor knew about Adam; she just forgot. But this time it appears I have too.

I rise to my feet, my blood boiling as I rushed down the staircase.

"Mum!" I call, "Dad! I can't believe you didn't remind me!" I march into the kitchen where my parents are tidying up.

My parents watch me, then my mothers face shows pain.

"Forget what?" She stupidly replies.

"That today's the day Adam died four years ago. Every year we go to that cemetery to visit him but you didn't remind me! We have to go! Now!" I'm rushing to find a jacket by now, slipping on my shoes. By that time I get back to the kitchen, both haven't moved.

"Come on! We have to go, now!" I cry, staring at the faces of my parents, watching as I make a scene.

"Miles-"

"No, we have to go!"

"No," dad replies. "Miles it's late. We'll go tomorrow."

I want to scream. Don't they care? Don't they care about Adam? Their own son!

"Don't you two care? It's the day your own son died and you're not wanting to visit him?" I'm crying by now, tears streaming down my cheeks.

"Of course we do Miles! But it's late, also I think the cemetery is shut now and-"

"Mum! Please!" I beg, "Well if you're not going to, I am." I take off but when my dad stops in front of the door, blocking me from leaving I can tell he's serious. They won't let me go.

"Miles, go to your room."

I do what I'm told because I'm starting to feel dizzy from making that big scene, and by the time I get back to my room my emotions get the best of me and end up I punching a hole in the wall.

I slide into that seat again, when I find a photograph that I completely forgot about. The last photo Adam was ever in.

When I burst into anther wave of tears, I ball my hands up into fists and rock back and forth, ordering myself to stop crying. I have to stop crying.

I rise to my feet, pacing back and forth trying to calm down, that I'm being absurd. I will see Adam tomorrow, I will. I need to stop crying. I have to.

When I remind myself to take my anti-depressants pills not a minute too soon, I take a few deep breaths to calm down.

Over the years, I've been happier than that day he died. But, never have I acted like I had tonight.

I'm holding the tube of the pills, about to pop open the lid when stupid negative thoughts enter my mind.

You killed him.

I push the negative away from my head and rule out the two pills.

You shouldn't be alive. Adam should.

I scream at myself, telling myself it's not true, it won't ever be true.

But then I'm telling myself I'm an idiot, I should've died. I shouldn't be here. Adam should be here. Nobody would care if I died. But then the angel on my shoulder is telling me so many will be crushed if I died, and I want to believe them when the last negative intrudes my thoughts.

Nobody would be crushed. You're worthless.

Suddenly I can't take it and I shove what I thought was the right amount of pills into my mouth. I drink them down with a glass of water.

Minutes later. I start gagging. I realise I overdosed. I collapse to my knees.

Shit. I can't breathe.

I'm coughing and spluttering, and I manage to collapse onto my back, staring upwards at the ceiling. My vision blurs and I can't feel anything and then I think everything's fine up until the blurring of my eyesight turns to white caving in on my eyelids I just get to make out one last thing before I hit what is death.

I'm sorry, Taylor.

---

Taylor's POV.

I'm about to call Miles number when there's a knock at my bedroom door.

I then find my mum handing me the home phone. I don't bother to ask, thinking it's Miles.

"Hey," I causally answer.

"Taylor." The voice of Mrs Timms speaks through the phone and when she starts telling me something's happened to Miles, I panic.

"H-He had a breakdown because today's the day Adam died four years ago and when I came up to make sure he's okay he-he,"

She starts sobbing, "Mrs Timms what is it? Tell me,"

She takes a deep breath. "Taylor, Miles is dead."