Sober | myg.

25 : Addiction

Nervous was an understatement for how Brooke was feeling in this moment.
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She waited not-so-patiently at the bus stop just outside of town, rocking back and forth on her feet from the agonizing wait.
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Brooke had already gotten off from her bus stop, she was hoping he'd show up first.
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Her anxiety was going through the nonexistent roof, though it was nothing she never struggled with. It only heightened when the second bus came to screech in front of her several feet away.
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Fuck, this is it. No turning back.
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Brooke hugged her denim jacket closer while watching a handful of people walk down the steps of the bus before one in particular paused in front of her.
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They met eye to eye, dark bangs almost hiding his vision while a tan p-coat hugged around his tall body. Brooke couldn't help but sense some intimidation.
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"Namjoon?" She spoke quietly, arms still folded in protection. Without saying anything, he jogged forward and threw himself to embrace the girl in his arms, eyes squeezing shut while holding her tight.
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The hug wasn't necessarily awkward, but Brooke found herself unsure of how to react. She just stood with raised eyebrows, letting Namjoon finish.
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He pulled away with a sharp exhale, grasping onto her upper arms. "...Oh! Pardon," Namjoon dropped his hands and smiled warmly, lines of straight teeth flashing as well as an intention in his cheek. "Hope you didn't mind that it's just..."
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Namjoon let out a breath again as if he had just had a light jog, reaching down and holding her hand tightly between both of his. "Thank you."
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Brooke crooked smiled, uneasy. She lightly drew back her arm. "Yeah, of course." She sighed before putting her hands back into the front pockets of the denim jacket. "Listen, about the phone call—"
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"Ah, I don't mean to interrupt," he spoke politely. "But... you've already explained yourself, Brooke. I mean, Min Yoongi's an adult, I don't have the right to try and drag him back to his home." He dropped his chin slightly while his eyebrows met each other. "I'm... grateful, if anything."
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Brooke's mouth formed into a lime as she continued to rock back and forth on her feet, avoiding looking directly in front of her.
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"So, Brooke," Namjoon spoke up again. "Like— you explained that you wanted to meet, but why?"
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The girl shook her head before looking around. "Are you hungry? I just— I mean—" she sighed in frustration before finally bringing herself to look at him. "It's a long damn story."
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-
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They both had decided on a warm Italian café in town, ordering plates of ravioli and a double helping of breadsticks. The two had only just got their food when Brooke kept shoveling bites into her mouth continuously.
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"Did you get enough to eat?" Namjoon inquired, using the side of his fork to cut a large piece of ravioli in half.
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Brooke paused for a moment, a long piece of spaghetti hanging out her mouth. She not-so-lady-like slurped it up before answering. "Sorry, I'm just kinda hungry. 'Didn't eat this morning, I was kinda..." she paused to gingerly stir around the bits of pasta left over on her plate. "...nervous."
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"Ah, don't feel bad," the man chuckled, dipping a breadstick into some Alfredo sauce. "I didn't eat this morning 'cause of that either. —Couldn't slip out on my coffee, though."
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Namjoon was an expert at small talk, but he still hadn't got his answers from Brooke. "So, you think, um..." his eyes shifted up to meet hers.
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She slowly sat down her fork against the bowl, it making a small 'clink'. She licked off the remaining sauce coating her lips. "Okay." Brooke too a small sip of her sweet tea before continuing. "I didn't call at first because... well, I didn't know what your intentions were, you know?"
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Namjoon didn't say anything, just watched her with a soft gaze.
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Brooke however just stayed focused on her plate. "Yoongi made me promise not to call you. Yeah, like— I wasn't sure why, but like you said. He's an adult, if he wanted to stay away from you, it was his choice."
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She sat up straighter while taking a breath. "You know, we met over alcohol. I know, it was dumb of me to encourage it but hell, I didn't know who this guy was."
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Brooke dared to look up, only to see him being the one looking down at the table now.
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"We grew closer, until he felt comfortable to tell me about—"
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"Kimmie?"
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Namjoon looked up with a slight tilt with his head. Brooke paused before continuing, her teeth grazing over her lip. "Yeah, Kimmie."
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"So, soon after that, he told me he wanted to be sober again," Brooke mumbled, that same guilt beginning to build inside. "Things were going well until he saw me still indulging a bit. He... seemed pretty mad."
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Namjoon played with a crumpled napkin in his hand. "Yeah?"
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Brooke nodded with a very soft, "Yeah." Her focus went back across to Namjoon. "I can't do this for him. Like— shit, I didn't think I would care about him this much, I don't wanna fuck up his personal growth, you know?"
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Namjoon gently asked, "Why don't you do it with him? You said you had a liking to drinking, too. Don't you think you could benefit from this as well."
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Brooke smiled faintly. "No, I'm not ready for that." Her eyes crinkled a bit. "Thanks for the concern, though."
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He stirred in his seat. "So, what are you saying? You handing him over to me now? I can tell you, I'm the last person he wants to see right now."
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"Namjoon, I only called you 'cause I know this is best for Yoongi," Brooke explained, her heart slowly making its way to her sleeve. "I'm not what he needs. I'm stubborn, and it's pathetic I can't give up my addiction for him, don't you think?"
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Namjoon narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. "Well, what's the root of that addiction? When did it form?"
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"That's for another day," she answered quietly, sitting back in her seat. "If you truly want the best for Yoongi, you have to trust me. Isn't this what you wanted? Isn't this why you reached out to my town?"
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It was a long pause before Namjoon nodded, mainly because of the scenes of his fingers shoving themselves past Yoongi's lips to get him to upchuck the bottle of pills he downed, playing in his thoughts like an old time film. The cries of Jimin behind him while Hoseok did his best to reassure the younger all would be okay, muffled. But still oh-so real.
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Namjoon clenched his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose. The memories of Yoongi crying out that he couldn't make it. That he'd rather die than live with knowing that he felt like he let Kimmie down.
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That memory was before the passing of his Kimmie. Now that the time has passed, what Namjoon didn't know is that Yoongi was relieved he didn't pass on before her. No, that would've been selfish.
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It clicked to Namjoon that what Yoongi had been going through with Brooke, it was to live on for the life Kimmie had wanted for the older boy.