The Lesbian Stud Hand Guide: Shay Jackson

My name is Shay (My full name is Shaylinda but nobody don't know that lol). I'm 14 and I live in Orlando, Florida. It's summer break. School starts next month and ima be a freshman in high school, finally. Im exicted, but at the same time... SCARED AS HELL.

Nah nah... not to start school or nun... Just because i'm tired of living a lie. I I just don't know how my mom will take it.

I sit up on my bed and look into the mirror, starring at myself. I wondered to myself why couldn't I just be born as a boy.  Then I wouldn't even have to worry about the way I would want to dress. The shit would just be considered normal.

I learned a long time ago that life is nowhere how you want it. Especally for a lesbian teen living in a religious God-fearing household. It feels like constant pressure in this house. But at the moment, living a lie is the only choice I have to probably survive. I just think about all of the gay homeless stories I've seen on YouTube, Facebook, and in my hometown.

It seems like everywhere you go, you see a dike. But I just learned recently they're called studs. I'm still getting up with the lingo, but I know I like the feminine girls and that's all that matters to me.

"ShaylinnnDAAAAHHHH- !!!! " My mom knocks on my door furiously, already annoying my mood at 8:47 in the DAMN Morning.

"WHAT MA!!" I yell in response to her. I shake my head as I walk to the door to open it.

"Hey uh, get up and get ready so we can go school shopping. My baby is going to be in HIGH SCHOOL! I cant believe it."

"Yeah, im growing up now Ma... And you kno I can't stand to be called 'Shaylinda'. Dang just say Shay!"

My mom took a deep look at me as her mood suddently changed over to worry and a look of disgust."... Is that what you wore last night? That looks like a man's tank top and men's shorts. I know you be playing basketball and stuff like that, but..."

I thought to myself, oh Lord, here she goes...

"Look Shay, you're going to high school now.  Which means you need to start looking more feminine, or you're going to be labeled as one of those nasty dikes. SO I'M just trying to help YOU out! So today, lets try to pick out some dresses, if not a skirt or two. And more feminine blouses instead of all of those t-shirts and little ragedy shorts and pants you like wearing."

I roll my eyes and look at the wall as she started one of her talks about 'being feminine' and bullshit like that. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand being told what to do, or how to look. I'm my own damn person! THAT's apart of growing up. But I just told her okay to shut her up. I'm tired of arguing with my mom about the way I dress.

After getting out of the shower, I tried to look for something in my drawers to put on.

I didn't see anything. All I saw was clothes I didn't really like. These tight fitting jeans that show my curves. These tight ass tops that make me look like a baby dike. Man... I just felt like a damn fool. But that's all I have to deal with right now... I definately can't look how I want to around my mom, or here she goes on one of her save-a-dike rants.

I ended up putting on a white t-shirt I found and my straight-legged levi's with my Luminous Galaxy Foamposites... The only thing right in my life is my shoe game.

My mom and I arrive at the mall a couple of hours later and we enter the Forever 21 Store. Here she goes...

"Shay!!! Oooo isn't this a pretty top? and look girl! they got everything you like! Tweety Bird, Mickey Mouse, all those cartoon characters you be wearing. This should be paradise for you. Pick out some NICE tops!"

While she was jibber jabbing about whatever, I was starring at this blue FYE tribal button up shirt in the 21 Men section. I'd be geek'd. Stunting on everybody and grabbing all the girls with that jawn on. My eyes stayed on it the whole time we were at the store.

When my mom told me we should go upstairs to see more of what they had, I followed her up the escalator. I looked around and saw nothing but this jacket and sweater I could pull off. I grabbed those a size up from fitting as my mother shook her head. I didn't care.

"It's gonna get cold soon ma. I gotta rack up on winter clothes."

As I walked into more of the clearance section, I saw this sexy ass girl looking in the rack to the right of me. She was shorter than me, couldn't of been more taller than 5'3. She was red, with these beautiful light brown eyes. I wonder if they were really hers. She was thick too.. Had a set of  racks and an ass to match it. She had on a floral designed form fitting dress that showed off her clevage. Damn.. I just wanted to suck them titties right there and finger the shit out of her in the middle of the store (Scorpio thoughts lol).

"Whats good beautiful?" I smile at her to let her know I was talking to her. It was a lot of people around us.

She waved at me and had a blushed smirk on her face. I went next to her and introduced myself since she seemed interested.

"I'm Shay. and I didn't catch your name? I got to know." I put my hand out to shake hers.

"Desiree. and why is it that you just HAVE to know?" She giggles at my statement. She shook my hand back. She had some soft ass hands.. damn.

"I want to get to know you better Ms. Desiree. Thats all. Not a crime is it?"

"I mean.. Nah, nah. hah. Guess not. So what are you? You give off that stem vibe to me."

"Nahh.. I'm definately a stud."  I looked at her really serious not even noticing.

"I'd say otherwise..." She looked at me up and down while she laughed. "...but you still real cute. You mixed with anything??"

"Nah. im just Black."

Everyone asks me this question. It's cause im red, with this long ass hair, and these damn chinky eyes. the same reason why everyone always thinks im high. But shit, nun to complain about.

"Oh okay. I mean I just saw your ey-"

"Can I get your number though? So we can keep in contact?" I wanted to cut the convo brief in case my mom popped from somewhere or some shit. She would trip if she heard our convo right now.

"Oh yeah boo. Hand over your phone."

I set up my phone to dial and gave it to her. "My bad for cutting you off, yeah. My eyes hah. Everyone always calling me Chinese or Asian or some shit."

"Well they mad attractive. Hit me up sometime allright?" She smiled as I pulled her in for a hug for a few seconds. She starred at me for a moment as she walked her way out of the store into the mall.

After that, I went and found my mom on the first floor picking out skirts that she thought were in my size. After arguing with her in the store for 10 minuites, I convinced her to not get me any of them girly ass clothes. I'm thinking to myself, this gay as fuck, forreal.

We went to a few other stores where I ended up just getting some new Nikes from FootLocker and a few more warm up shorts. I really didn't see anything else in the stores my mom would let me wear. I was not about to look all girly and shit my freshman year with all those fems I heard were there. Fuck that.

Whats up w/ Shay and Desiree? Can Shay explain to her mother how she really feels and wants to dress? Something to start out w/ for the beginning.