Lost Cause

Please come home to me

*****MEGANS POV******

"Bye Matt see you on sunday night" I hugged Matt goodbye as I walked towards the door with my parents

Finally I can sleep in my own bed for a couple of days, but I have to go home and see Jake.

The whole way home I sat with my headphones in, the closer to home I got the more the apprehension grew inside me of seeing Jake and the fact I will be under 24 hour survilence from mum and dad. It wouldn't surprise me if there CCTV in my room

Pulling into the driveway the snow started to fall, the first snow of this winter

"First snow mum" I turned to my mum and smiled she knows how much I love snow

"It's beautiful" my mum was looking towards the sky

"Come on lets go in"

"Can I just have a few minutes by myself"

"Okay but don't be to long" she rubbed my arm and walked in

Looking up at the night sky it was full of blackness like me

I brought my head back to the horizon veiw, the street I grew up in

"Megan" I turned to see a worried Jake on the door step

"Seriously you think you have the right to talk to me after yesterday"

He took a step towards me

"Yeah, because I'm your brother"

"That doesn't means shit to me, you told me to go and die what about if I did would you be happy then"

"No Megan I wouldn't because I couldn't bear to loose you like I can't bear to see you in this much pain" he took another step closer, now in normal situations I would walk back or just plain walk away but something changed, I stepped forward right in his face

"Has it ever occured to you Jake that you might be one of the reasons I'm in so much pain, and if you asked me am I okay then I might have opened up to you?"

"You would never open up to anyone apart from Liam or one of the other boys"

"Have you ever wondered why that it is Jake"

"Yeah and so have mum and dad"

"What"

"Mum and Dad knew something was wrong"

"Great so you're changing the subject" I went to step passed him but he blocked me off, the snow was getting heavier 

"No you will listen to what I am goign to say, you didn't know about all the times mum was up at 2 in the morning crying, the nights dad went over to Liams or one of the other boys crying, or the fights they had over you. You were never here, always with Mads, anywhere but here"

"Do you even know how hard it was, having to face you all and say I'm fine when I starve myself and make myself sick after meals, smoked got drunk till I passed out, cut myself everyday just about, and tried to take my own life, I was guilty and ashamed and I hated myself and wanted everyone to hate me"

He looked taken aback like he didn't know everything 

"I I-"

"Save it I don't give a shit" I walked towards the door, keys no keys ringing the doorbell I heard it echo through my house

My mum opened the door 

"You look like a snowman Megan" the broad smile I loved as a child grew on her face

"Very funny can I come in please" I didn't let her answer well it is my house 

I glanced at the mirror in the hall I was covered in snow and it was starting to melt
"Go on get changed then come down for tea, whatever you want aslong as you have something"