A Broken Heart

Chapter Thirteen - Hidden Thoughts and Feelings

Dawn's POV

Ash's hand still held mine until we've reached Twinleaf Apartment complex. He pulls out his ID and keys before heading inside together. After checking in with the receptionist, we take the elevator to the 7th floor and Ash guides me to room 1127.

It's a rather simple apartment, everything is neatly placed and nothing needed to be tidied up. Ash leads me to the living room before fetching some drinks from the kitchen, I take this chance to explore around. Though there isn't anything that seems out of the ordinary, a certain picture caught my attention. The photo is inside an ordinary frame and placed on his bedside table.

I immediately recognise the boy in the picture as Ash. He hasn't changed all that much, some things just remain the same don't they? Ash still has the same goofy smile and peculiar hairstyle. However, the girl hiding behind him is strangely familiar. Her sapphire eyes resembles mine and she has the same navy blue hair as me. Who am I kidding? Without a doubt that's me! 

I recall multiple occasions where I thought Ash closely resembled someone that I can't put a name on. My memories of my childhood had always been vague but I can't seem to remember anything about meeting Ash in the past at all.

"Ah! Found ya! It's impolite to wander around someone else's place without permission." He jokingly says, winking at me before placing the drinks down.

He stands behind me and rests his head on my right shoulder. Despite being just as close before, my heart starts pounding again. Now that I properly think about it, isn't our physical intimacy too close for friends?

"Are you interested in this photo?" He asks.

I nod in response.

"It's a photo taken from before I became the 'demon child'. I had a pretty ordinary life up until then." He weakly smiles.

"The girl in the photo is a childhood friend of mine. We used to play together everyday, she wasn't exactly the most cheerful and talkative type of person but I enjoyed her company very much. I only recall good memories of her since she moved before I became the 'demon child'. Though I'm pretty sure she regrets it now, knowing what I became."

"That's...."

Ash's dejected smile is heartbreaking. I cannot find the correct words to comfort him. I want to tell him the girl in the photo is me but I couldn't. Is it because I have no recollection of the time we spent together in the past? Or that I didn't want to ruin his image of the girl from his memories? After all, I brought him misery on the first day of his transfer. It's painful but for the best.

"Th-That's impossible, Ash. The girl of your memories would surely treasure the time you've spent together. I'm certain that she'll remember you as a great friend!" 

Feelings of guilt envelopes me but I can't tell the truth.

"Hopefully.... Ya know, I probably liked her romantically. I always preferred to stay beside her despite being teased by the other boys" Ash sheepishly adds.

Those words unexpectedly stings. I'm unsure of my own feelings but I would've preferred him liking the current me rather then the weak girl I used to be. Is the present me no good?

"Argh! Enough with the depressing atmosphere! Let's head back to the living room and get something to drink! We should also think of a game to entertain ourselves with!" I abruptly shout. 

"Hey! You're the one who brought up the picture!" He states.

We made our way back to the sofa in the living room and sat down opposite each other. I drank the tea which Ash prepared in one gulp and noticed him staring at me afterwards.

"You're extremely ladylike, Dawn." Ash sarcastically remarks.

"Still more so than you." I sulk, trying to conceal my embarrassment.

"Is there anything you have in mind that you'd like to do now?" Ash asks after taking a sip of his cup of tea.

I spent awhile thinking of the possible things we could do and the perfect game eventually pops up. A game for me to know Ash better.

"How about the Icebreaker Challenge? We could take this chance to understand each other better." I suggest.

Ash agrees with my suggestion and we begin the first round.

Time Skip

We've been revealing trivial information such as birthdays, favourite colour, hobbies etc. I learnt much more about Ash in such little time span, nothing could bring me greater happiness. Nonetheless, I have yet been given the opportunity to ask the question I desire to the most. How does view me? Just what am I to him?

We're approaching the end of the game as the sky darkens. This is my last chance, it's now or never.

"A-Ash, what do you think of me?"

It wasn't exactly what I planned to ask but it's close enough. Without hesitation, Ash grins at me and answered confidently.

"You're my most precious friend and an irreplaceable existence for me. I wouldn't ever wish for more!"

A sheepish grin plasters on Ash's face afterwards. Perhaps the me from when I first met him would've been overjoyed to hear that; but now I can only feel misery. In the end, I've only been lying to myself. I do like Ash as more than a friend. Yet I only realise these feelings of love after being friend-zoned.

"Dawn? Are you alright? You seem to be lost in thought."

I glance towards Ash to find him with an anxious expression. I quickly fake a smile and pinch his cheeks with my hands.

"Why wouldn't I be? You're such a worrywart Ash." I joke.

"Thank god, I thought I angered you with my answer." He let out a sigh of relief.

Once again, I wasn't able to understand Ash and only thought of myself. I hate how selfish I am right now. To overcome these ugly emotions, I must discard of these feelings. If they continue to grow stronger it'll only hurt the both of us. I clench my fists and abruptly stand up.

"It's getting rather late now, I should head home before it's too dark outside."

He offers to walk me home but I shake my head and refused. Without speaking another word, I left his apartment alone. 

I don't like this, it's as if I'm taking out my anger on him.