Seokjin knew he had to feel grateful.
The last month was going a bit better than before.
He should be grateful that for the past month living with his parents, the panic attack had never come around. He should be grateful that his mother always gave him the love he needs, talked to him about everything, and not even once mentioned the horrible incident. He should be grateful that his father was always there to drive him to his schedules, despite the fact that his father sometimes forgot to pick him up, so he had to remind him almost every hour. He really wanted to just use public transportation, but of course he couldn't. People would notice that he is Jin from BTS, and it would only confuse his fans and also his band members if they find out.
He should be grateful that 'I Need U' caught so much attention and made their name rocketed to the top, the result that they got after writing such a relatable song. The song which was talking about a lonely person struggling to come to terms with their break up was also talking wordlessly about mental illness. Yes, it wasn't shown on the lyrics, but the music video showed it. There were so many people, mostly teenagers, found comfort after listening to the song, saying that the song expresses the thing that they wanted to say and the video portrayed the thing that they wanted to do but no one was able to understand.
He knew he should be grateful that during the fansign, there were so many fans that show their support for him. He should be grateful that Namjoon, who sat on his right side during every fansign, didn't want to talk to any of the fans who ignored him or skipped him, wordlessly took their poster and signed it before gave it to Jimin who sat beside him, didn't even once make eye contact with the fan.
Somehow, his mind wandered to the time far before that horrible incident took place and stopped once he opened the memory of their debut's preparation. Seokjin remembered when he stayed up all night, staring up at the ceiling through the dark, thinking if being a singer was really the best decision for him.
He remembered how since back then, he was the clumsiest and the most awkward among them. His dance skill was terrible. His voice was nothing special like Jungkook's, Jimin's and Taehyung's. He couldn't rap or write a song like Namjoon, Yoongi and Hoseok. All he had was only his face, always his face. When the agency told him his position of the group was 'The Visual', he did nothing but smile. He was hoping for another reason like maybe his voice wasn't that bad, or his dance skill was getting better, but the agency didn't say anything other than that.
It continued even until their latest comeback. 'The Visual' label was stuck on him like the strongest glue in the world. It wasn't that he didn't like it, every idol must be very happy to receive such a label. Being the visual meant that you are the most beautiful or handsome person in the group, but for Seokjin, it was nothing.
That label means that he didn't work hard enough on his singing and dancing.
That if he wasn't good looking, then his dreams of becoming a singer would have never come true.
But he knew that he should be grateful. If it wasn't because of his face, Seokjin wouldn't be able to stand by his best friends under the name of BTS. He should be grateful that his face made his dream come true, even though he was overshadowed by the other members, but he knew he should be grateful. He should be grateful that he succeeded in pursuing his dreams, the hardest dream to reach, there aren't so many people who were as lucky as him.
He knew he should be grateful. He was aware of how that incident was nothing compared to everything that he had. He should be grateful that despite being raped, he got the most amazing family, best friends and fans in the world, thus he shouldn't look at that incident as a big deal.
He knew that was lucky. He had amazing people around him. He knew that there are people who experienced the same thing but didn't have anyone to lean onto. He knew he shouldn't react that way, he knew he shouldn't leave the dorm and being overly dramatic at everything. He even told himself that the panic attack was only him being overreacting at everything.
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BURDEN ✔
Fanfiction[COMPLETED] Jin x BTS All of the members knew that there's something wrong with their oldest hyung, but they didn't know what. Thinking that their oldest hyung is just tired, they didn't do anything. But they didn't know that Seokjin is fighting aga...
