BURDEN ✔

[Chapter 26]

A few days later after the talk with Yoongi at the café and he felt a bit relief after pouring his heart out, Seokjin found himself can't stop thinking about Hoseok's words at the rooftop.

"You know hyung, I do hate myself sometimes. Many times."

Seokjin sighed as the word echoed inside his head.

"I always feel like I'm not good enough. I'm not satisfied with the way I dance, I don't know if my rap is good enough, I don't know if I'm a good dance instructor for both of you and Namjoon. I don't know if Yoongi hyung and Namjoon are really satisfied with the way I rap."

Seokjin opened one of the shelves and took out a bottle of sesame oil, sugar and soy sauce, then placed it on the counter beside the stove.

"At some point, I-I feel like I'm good enough, b-but when I look into the mirror of our d-dance practice and s-saw all of you improving so much, I-I couldn't help b-but feel disappointed at myself, a-all of my confidence c-collapsed just like that."

Seokjin gripped the edge of the counter, trying to steady himself as Hoseok's words run inside his mind. He really wanted to tell the younger that his thoughts were wrong, that he is good at everything he did and he improved so much in every aspect.

Seokjin startled when Jimin went inside the kitchen, interrupting his thoughts. Instinctively, he hid both of his arms behind his back. Jimin stopped on his track once he saw his hyung weird action, eyeing the eldest like an eagle. Seokjin smiled sweetly at him until his eyes disappeared and his cheek puffed up, but Jimin could sense something wrong.

"Hyung?" Jimin asked, walking closer towards his eldest hyung. "What did you hide from me?"

"Eh?" Seokjin widened his eyes, faking his surprise. "Nothing, why?"

Jimin looked at his arms, before trailing his eyes back to Seokjin's eyes. "Why did you hide your arms?"

Seokjin was in loss of words. He stared at Jimin with his eyes slightly wider, gulping almost loudly. Jimin's small eyes suddenly widened in fear once a realisation hit him.

"You..." he trailed off, gulping, praying that his prediction is not right. "You d-didn't...you didn't hurt yourself anymore, right?"

Seokjin widened his eyes and shook his head rapidly. "No! nononono! I didn't! I promise."

"Then why do you hide your arms?" Jimin asked again, slightly relief but also worried.

Seokjin looked at Jimin for a few seconds before sighing and dropping his gaze to the floor. "I wear a T-shirt today."

Jimin raised his eyebrows, leaning on the counter on his right. "And?"

Seokjin sighed, drawing invisible pattern on the floor with his socked foot. "All of my long sleeve shirts are in the laundry...and...it's too hot for...for a sweater or a jacket."

Jimin furrowed his eyebrows, couldn't exactly catch what the elder means by his words. "And?" he asked slowly, trying to meet his hyung's eyes.

Seokjin looked at Jimin unsurely and shook his head, avoiding the younger's eyes. "I uhm...I just...I don't want to be a constant reminder for you guys."

Jimin still couldn't understand when the elder means, not until his eyes suddenly fell on the knife on the counter beside Seokjin. His face softened.

"Hyung," Jimin walked closer, gently pulling his hyung's arms from behind the elder. Seokjin's head was still hanging low, but with a pounding heart, he let Jimin pull his arms.