Life With You

18 - Openness

Jade

I am crying the whole time I'm cooking pancakes. Ngayon ko lang napansin matagal na pala akong hindi kumakain ng pancake. This is my comfort food yet I didn't eat this during my down moments. Maybe because I'm afraid to gain extra weight with it. I saw the hurt i've caused to my loved ones, especially to Althea. Nasaktan ko siya because of my insecurities. It's a struggle for me also to fight my eating disorder. I had it again and I don't understand why I had it again. But I will try to overcome this. Starting with my pancakes, I said to myself.

"Done." I whispered to myself while wiping my the tears from my eyes while I put the last pancake from the pan and into the plate.

"Hindi kaya maalat yan kasi may kasamang luha." I heard at my back. Althea.

"Who cares I'm the one who'll eat this anyway." I reasoned without turning around. I heard no response but I felt a warm body behind me. A warm hands around my waist and a warm face against my cheek. She rested her head on my shoulder while she wrapped me with her tight embrace.

"I'm sorry, I don't  mean to yell at you." She said while inhaling in my neck.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hide my situation from you, too Love." I said while holding her arms around me. "I'm always on denial about it."

"I understand, Mahal, pero we're one now kaya sana malaman natin ang damdamin ng isa't isa. Our fears and doubts. Everything." she whispered. "Mahal na mahal kita Jade, hindi ko alam kung paano ko pa mapapatunayan sa'yo pero gagawin ko ang lahat just to prove you how much I love you." she said almost choking, she's trying to hold back her tears. I felt guilty. I slowly turned around to face her, cupped her face and slowly closed the gap between us. I kissed her tenderly and she responded with equal tender and sweetness.
I missed her kiss, full of assurance and security, her kisses that never changed. It's like she's always missing my lips and hungry for my taste. I felt her arms tightening around me as if afraid to lose me while she's now kissing me passionately. I felt myself giving in, as I always been everytime I'm in her arms. We're kissing hungrily now, like we've been apart for a while. It's like we missed each other so much. Ang away namin kanina ay parang naglayo sa amin ng matagal. Ganon namin kamahal ang isa't isa, konting sandaling pagkakalayo dahil sa pakatatalo ay namiss namin agad ang isa't isa.

"A-althea." I moaned when I felt her hand on my breast. She's hungry for me. Everytime we make love, it is like our first time. Althea loves me so much and I'm too blinded by my insecurities not to see her faithfulness.

"I love you, Jade. So much." she whispered after our lips parted. We're both panting and her hands now in my back gently caressing while she keeps me close to her. "I miss you, I want you."

I held her face. "Hungry for me?" I asked now smiling. She took my hand from her face and kissed it.

"Lagi Mahal..." she whispered, her eyes full of love and desire.

"But I still have to eat my pancakes." I said.

"It's ok, Love. You can eat your pancakes while I'm eating you." she said grinning.

"Althea!!!" I shouted swatting her arms, I felt my cheeks turning red.

"Just kidding, Mahal. I just love to see you blushing." she said kissing my nose. "C'mon, let's eat your pancakes upstairs." yaya na niya.

"You'll wake up our babies." I reminded her.

"Nope. Mama's with them and they're sleeping soundly, Mahal. And we're not sleeping there tonight. Sa attic tayo." she said while she's now holding the plate of pancakes.

"Sa attic..."

"Yup."

"Paano pag nagising mga bata?"