Deadpool X Reader!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hitman for hire the ad said.
Of course, Y/n thought of it as a bit odd.
How wrong you were when you received a note written in crayon.
Meet Me.
It read.
"Ca-Cable? Is that you, old fiend?" I asked. Cable stood over us with a grim expression. Y/n crawled behind me, shaking. "Wade, what have you done?" Cable asked, his voice hoarse.
Ah, nothing-nothing! Nothing super duper suspicious metal head!
I think he means if we've done anything to attempt to end the world.
We did die that one time.
"Wade! Answer the question!" Cable yelled. I jumped in fright because of how his voice became dead......serious.
Heh, heh, how punny.
Sigh...
"Alrighty, alrighty! I just recently blew up a building, got hooked up, and had a sercet boner." I blurted out. I looked back at Y/n who had a look of disgust. "You?!" S/he screamed and began to back away. I turned to face Cable. He had his arms crossed across his chest. "Wade...it's not well in the future...tsk, tsk, tsk." Cable clicked his tounge.
Well then......we must prepare for war.
I'm an angel with a shotgun!
This is some kinky shit.
I got up to my feet and pointed a finger at Cable. "Now listen here twinkle toes," I began. Cable raised an eyebrow at me. "Those goodie two shoes always got a target on my back all the time so don't you dare come here to insult me for what my schedule is!" I yelled. For some odd reason, I felt pissed at Cable, not that I would normally be.
What the hell is thisfeeling?
Why do I feel dizzy wizzy?
What the hell did they put in my drink?
"Ummm......Wade." Cable started. "No! You listen here! I-" But, before I could finish, I heard muffled screaming. I turned my head around to see Y/n.........kicking and screaming in a man's arms. The man held a needle to Y/n's throat. I recognized that man.
That bastrad...
Y/n kept moving her/his head side to side as an effort to distract him. The man noticed me and looked up. "Hey Wade..........what's my name?" He asked, taunting my memory. I pulled out one of my katanas and twirled it. "I'mma fucking spell it out for ya!" I muttered, then spread out my katanas. I charged at him. "Oopies daisy!" He exclaimed, as he stabbed the needle into Y/n's neck, pushing the thumb plunger, injecting something in. Y/n cried out in pain. He released Y/n, causing him/her to fall to the ground. I jumped over Y/n and pounced on top of him. I began to punch and bitch slap him. "Tell me, Francis." I whispered in his ear. "If I cut you, do you bleed?" I watched the poor bastard's eyes go wide. I raised one of my katanas above my head, but then, I felt a sting in my ass. I moved one of my hands down to the buttocks area of my ass. I felt around for a moment then, felt a long, small object. A needle.
Eeeeeeeeeekkkk!
Calm down, we aren't going to die. Well, not tonight.
I smirked, knowing how my powers saved my ass about..........almost every time. I pulled the needle out of my ass and brought it to my face. I looked at the blood stained needle. I then looked at him. "Ya forgot! To pull the trigger!" I then raised my katana and sliced through Francis's throat, making his head come clean off. His head flew through the air for a moment before falling. Blood splattered onto the ground and I looked behind me at Y/n who had begun spazzing the fuck out.
This is not good.
But your love's too good to loose.
I crawled on over to Y/n, placing a hand on his/her forehead. Her/His body temperature had changed drastically.
Burn.
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!
I looked over at Cable. Fear made me begin to shake. "Tsk, tsk, tsk....." Cable said, putting a hand underneath his chin. "Twinkle toes!" I yelled. "S/he's burning up and-" I heard shallow breathing from Y/n. I looked down to see Y/n's rising chest begin to sink and rise slower than usual. "Shit! Y/n don't die on me!" I put my hands on his/her shoulders, lightly shaking her/him.
We haven't even made babies yet!
We haven't fucked yet!
We haven't even made it through one great date yet!
S/he's gonna die a virgin.
This calls for........drastic measures.
I picked up Y/n and stood up, turning to Cable. "I'm going to the hospital." I announced. Cable looked at me, suprised. "You're insane!" Cable responded. I ran off with Y/n in my arms. "I'm insane either way brainaic!" I replied. I ran down several blocks and tried to figure out where the nearest hospital could be. Unfortunately, I haven't been to..........many. Probably, two...........five....six times? I got caught at a corner of which led down to two paths. Life or death. My eyes went down to the sleeping Y/n in my arms.
How.......peaceful.
Oh boy...
Eeeeeeeeeekkkk!
Don't worry! Everything's........gonna be just...just fine?
Well, that's obviously a lie.
Two in fact!
Fuck you both!
Ummmmm.......
No thanks!
"Wade! Wade! Wade!" I could hear the thumps of one, Cable. I turned my head to see Cable slowing down. "Wade! Are you-you well aware that!" Cable began but he had become too tired to even process anything at the moment. "Well aware of what jackass?!" I yelled. "There's a hospital.........right...right there..." Cable pointed to the left side of the city. I turned to where he pointed and sure enough! There one stood, all lights on. "What have we got to lose?!" I yelled. I sprinted toward the hospital while Cable attempted to catch up.
Whathave we got to lose?!
Y/n, the new love of our life.
Our virginity.
I burst into the hospital and ran up to the front desk, slamming my hand down on the tiny, cliché bell. "ER!" I blurted out. The nurse looked up from her clipboard of which she had drawn on. She let out a gasp and stood up, screaming for doctors. Before I knew it, I became surrounded by doctors and nurses, of which they took Y/n from my arms.
