Severus Talks - Severus Snape (COMPLETE)

'Pig in a wig'

Do you know what term perfectly defined Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin: Third Class; Honourary Member of the Dark Force Defence League; and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile award?

Pig in a wig.

It made sense really. After all, Gilderoy wore wigs. And he was immensely thick. Like a pig.

Severus had tested him.

"Where are Kappas commonly found?"

The fool hadn't been able to answer him. The answer was, obviously, Mongolia. Severus would expect any third year, at the very least, to be able to answer him. The idiot had rambled.

"Well, you see, they are found in many places. Ah, Professor Sprout! If you'll excuse me, Professor..."

He had then hurried off to annoy Pomona. The man was like an irksome flea that jumped from person to person causing irritation.

*

It was dinner on one particularly restless evening, and Severus had chosen to sit beside Minerva at the staff table, rather than encounter Lockhart's twitching for a full half-hour. It had been a habit of the DADA professor since the bloody message on the wall to jump at the slightest sound and Severus had absolutely no sympathy. Personally, he considered the Dark Lord in the flesh to be far more terrifying than any gargantuan snake, and at least the basilisk was something he could research. Of course, only he and Dumbledore knew it was a basilisk, as they'd held an intellectual discussion at the start of the summer term and determined the answer.

However, despite knowing the identity of the monster, neither he nor Albus had the slightest notion to where the Chamber of Secrets was located. He suspected that the wizened headmaster was probably hoping for the Potter boy to happen across it as he customarily did. Severus planned to use Lockhart as a human shield if the basilisk did ever decide to go for Half-bloods instead of Muggleborns. While morally unfriendly, the plan had some merit. Severus would survive, and the blonde-haired baboon would not, and that was all that mattered.

"Could someone else sit next to that ferret?" Severus asked quietly to his fellow head of houses. Filius purposely avoided his gaze and Pomona shook her head frantically. He turned to Minerva. "Minnie, please? For my sanity?"

"Very well," Minerva sighed. "Just this once. We'll have a lot to catch up with tomorrow. I'll be able to regale you with tales of Lockhart's brilliance and talent for being in ten thousand different places at once."

"I shall look forward to it," Severus replied, bowing his head. Minerva eyed him carefully. "Not," he added, as she walked away. She threw him a dirty look. Severus inwardly laughed. If the buffoon could get on anyone's nerves, it'd be the Scottish woman's. He almost felt sorry for the man. But then, he didn't. And never would, no matter what happened to the unfortunate wizard. 

Ironic words, as it turned out.

*****

A.N. Cliffhanger! Well, not really. Everybody reading this should know what happened to the fool that was Gilderoy Lockhart.

Thank you for reading and PLEASE COMMENT! Even criticism is welcomed. :)