bts angst imagines/scenarios (CLOSED)

namjoon x reader. suicidal

Request by @yoongiARMYinfires

Namjoon, my boyfriend of 6 months, wrapped his arm around me. We sat on my apartment couch, watching some boring action movie that I didn't give 2 shits about.

No matter how close he got to me,  even though I really did love him, I couldn't shake this feeling. My heart never sped up anymore like it used to. I never genuinely smilled anymore. I felt trapped in my own body, in this world. When I was alone was the only time I got a break from pretending, and am able to cry myself to sleep.

Sleeping is my only escape from this place. I don't belong here, and the longer I sat watching this movie with namjoon, the clearer it became to me. I don't feel this way for no reason, Its because I deserve it. I don't deserve to live in this world, so it's punishing me by not letting me live. It's telling me that I need to go.

If it wasn't for namjoon, and how much he cares about me, I would have no secound thoughts about the choice to kill myself. It's all I can think about lately, and tonight is my last night alive. Thought I might as well spend it with the only person who loves me...

The movie soon came to an end, and I sighed. As soon as namjoon left, that would be it. I finally could end my suffering.

" ok, y/n" namjoon said, I gave him a bright smile, while my eyes stayed dull. " I'm heading out now.

Before he left I handed him a letter. It was nothing fancy, but I thought I could at least write him something to say good bye. Once he left the room, my smile faded. I instantly grabbed a bottle of vodka, and took a quick swig of it straight from the bottle.

I went out on my balconie, and stared at the cars wizzing past on the street underneath the 20 storie building I lived in. Suddenly my phone started ringing, I checked it. Namjoon was calling. He must have read the note. I put my phone on silent, and set it down on the railing Oh well, it's now or never.

I took a deep breath and climbed over the railing. I stood up on the edge, my arms gripping the railing. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. When I looked back down, i saw a man, flusterdly running inside the building. When I took a closer look... it was namjoon!!

" shit..." I said to my self. I looked behind me awaiting his arival. I didn't think he would come back here. I shouldn't have given him the note when he left, of course he would read it before I could do this...

I'm what seemed like secounds, namjoon burst through the balcony sliding door. I looked back out to the sky, not wanting him to see me like this.

"Y/n..." he said softly.

" don't get closer..." I said.

" I wont, i wont..." he said. " But can you please just get down from there so we can talk. It's not safe..."

" That's the point"

" please. Just talk to me... this isn't the answer..."

"THAN WHAT IS!" I yelled turning around quickly, almost slipping and falling, but I grabbed the railing before I could. Namjoon jumped. " this is my only choice namjoon..." I said softer, and more quiet. " this is what the world wants me to do..."

"That's not true y/n... please" namjoon said. " were still young, we've only dated for 6 months, but I really do love you... You don't need to do this..."

I stared back down at the road.

"I never feel real namjoon. Death is the only escape"

" That's not true. If you give it a chance, and talk to me, and get down from there, I can help you. I want to help you! But you need to let me. Suicide is not the way. Please, I don't want you to leave me."

I slowly climbed back over the railing. I felt my self coming back to reality for the first time in a long time. I felt the wind blow through my hair, and I felt like I was alive.

" thank you!!" Namjoon said, and he wrapped me in a tight hug. I felt my tears Brim up in my eyes. I can't believe how stupid I was, how could I leave him alone... " I'm so happy, I promise I'll do everything I can to help you..."

I held him tight, and cried into his shoulder.

" whenever your ready" he said. " I'll always be here to listen"