bts angst imagines/scenarios (CLOSED)

suga x smoking/self harm reader

Request by Taes_GUCCI_HOUSE

Me and my boyfriend yoongi just moved in together a few days ago. Most people would be excited to live with their boyfriend, but because of the things I do, I was a bit scared. Yoongi doesn't know that I smoke. I've been able to sneak around and smoke a bit, but Its been harder than I thought it was.

We were about to get ready for bed, and I felt a familiar craving feeling. I sighed, and put a lighter, and a few cigarettes in my pocket, I turned to look over at yoongi.

"Hey, I think I'm gonna go outside and get some fresh air, before I go to bed" I said, lying through my teeth. I felt bad for lying to yoongi, but I've been lying all my life so I was used to feeling guilty by now.

"Oh, ok" he said, as he started to get into bed. "Don't wake me up when your done" he said. I turned away, and started to head outside. It seemed weird how easy it was... maybe I'm just really good at lying, or Maybe he just doesn't care enough to look deeper.

I flicked on the lighter at the end of the cigarette, and held it in my mouth.  I took a nice deep breath in, and let the smoke fill my lungs. I know it's unhealthy, but it doesn't matter when I'm probably gonna die young anyways.

The truth is, there's another secret yoongi doesn't know. I held the cigarette between my fingers and stared at it. Slowly, I lifted up my sleeve revealing multiple cuts and burns. All self inflicted. I winced, and placed the tip of the cigarette on my arm, my skin burning. Leaving a red mark on my arm, that would soon blister up.

I put the cig back in my mouth, and pulled my sleeve down. I took another long drag. I stared up at the night sky... It was beautiful. Too bad I'm ruining this beautiful world by being in it...

"If that's what you call fresh air, I don't want to know what dirty air looks like to you"

Suddenly, i turned around, seeing yoongi standing in the doorway. I dropped my ciggerette.

"How long have you been there?" I asked. He walked over to mr, and stepped on the cigarette, putting it out.

"I just wanted to check on you, you were taking a long time" he said. I looked away, then sat down on the stairs leading up to our door. "So, why are you smoking? Why did you hide it?"

"I don't want to talk about it" I said. I didn't care what happens to me, I just didn't want yoongi to know what was happening to me. I didn't want to have to deal with this...

I got up, and started to walk away, but yoongi grabbed my wrist before I could get anywhere. I hissed from the pain, and instantly pulled my hand away, and held it close to my chest. Yoongi looked surprised, and a bit confused. Then his face turned more serious. He grabbed my arm again, and I hissed. He quickly pulled my sleeve up before I could pull away.

My heart started pounding, it was too late now... My arm was limp as he held it, and saw all of the cuts and burns. He looked down at them, gently grazing his hand over them. I looked away. He let go, and my arm dropped down, my sleeve getting pulled down with it.

"Why" he said plainly, almost as if he was asking himself. He kept looking down.

"Yoongi... just leave me alone, I do t want to talk about this... you weren't even supposed to find out" I said. I started to walk away again, but my wrist was grabbed once more, and I realized I couldn't escape...

"I'm not leaving, untill you tell me" he said. I looked away. I just wish I wasn't here. I wish I didnt have to do this. I just want to be alone. I sat back down on the steps, and sighed, looking down. Yoongi stood in front of me with worried eyes.

"It's not important yoongi" I tried to protest. "Lets just go to bed"

"What do you mean its not important?" He asked. He sighed and sat next to me. "Y/n... there's obviously something wrong... you've got cuts and burns all over you... come on, tell me. I don't want you to feel that way anymore. I don't know if I can do much, but i really want to help you. Please, I just want to know why..."

I sighed. I guess I have to. I looked away, and started talking.

"I'm so dumb yoongi..." I said. "Like, I'm a fucking terrible person"

" what? Why?" He asked.

"I just am. I'm like... awfull. I never do anything right, I make other people feel bad just by exsisting. I shouldn't exist. I'm... bad" I said. It was so scary telling yoongi all of this... but it was all true... I was a terrible person...

"Y/n..." he said softly, his voice quiet like it was going to break. "Your not a bad person. Your amazing. I really love you y/n.. I don't want you to do this to yourself any more..."

"Yoongi..." I whined in protest. "It's not like I'm gonna die. It's just a little bit... it's not really that big of a deal" I said.

"Y/n.. Your hurting youself. I don't care if your cuts are super deep, or if there just a scratch. I love you, and I do t want you to hurt yourself, ok? And with smoking too. You know it's not healthy, are you doing that to harm yourself too?" He asked. I looked away, and he sighed. "So you are..."

"Yoongi, please. If I can't do this... what do I have? I'll just go crazy. I might really die..."

"Listen to me y/n" he said. "Your not gonna go crazy, I won't let you your not going to need these things anymore, I'll help you. I'll talk to you, we could even go talk to a therapist of you want. I just... I don't want to loose you, ok?" He asked. I sighed and looked down. I knew I would probably regret it, but I didn't want to hurt yoongi anymore. I stood up, and he did aswell.

"Fine..." I said. I looked away, but yoongi grabbed my shoulders, and leaned in for a soft peck in the lips.

"I love you y/n" he said. I blushed, and gave him a hug. Even though he found out my secrets, I just can't stay away from him. I don't know if I can ever stop this, i don't even know if I want to, but knowing that yoongi loves me, and is actually willing to help me... I feel such better.

"I love you too yoongi" i said. I hugged him back. Slowly we let go, and yoongi gave me a soft smile, then he yawned.

"We should probably get to bed now.." he said. He looked up at the syarts, then back down to me. I nodded. He held my hand and led me to the bedroom. He hugged me all night as we slept. Even though I was worried for tommorow, I knew he was here for me, a feeling I'd never felt before, and I'll never forget it....