How did I get here?

Chapter 15

I had a plan and I hoped it would work. I told Tyler I had a plan and to be in my room tonight. Of course, I said it ridiculously flirtatious in hopes he would have some motivation to actually come. I ran around my room lighting candles and I was wearing a dress that I wasn't quite comfortable in and lots of make up. This honestly reminded me of the night in the selection with a certain red dress......
I looked mirror and tried to make my hair and face look perfect. I took a couple of deep breathes before looking at the time 8:59, he will be here any second. I sat on the bed and fanned out my dress, tonight had to be perfect.
Tyler came in the room and seemed pleased with my look. He went to shut to the door behind him, but I stopped him.
"Leave it open I want Maxon to walk in and see how in love we are," I said. Oh those words were so painful for me to say.
"What's with the sudden change of heart?"
I came over and wrapped my arms around him and smiled at him.
"I recently realized how dumb I was being, your perfect." I said and with that I pushed my lips against his. I hated this, but I reminded myself I was doing this for my child. I gently moved my lips and kissed his neck giggling between each kiss. I had to constantly remind myself that this was for my child. This isn't what love should feel like I thought as I continued to kiss him on and on. I've always believed when you kiss the love of your life you shouldn't be able to think and there should be warmth in your chest and butterflies in your stomach, that is not what I was feeling. Tyler seemed to be enjoying my kisses, so far everything was going according to plan. 
"You are so sexy," I whispered in his ear before going back to my kissing. Uggg I hate this! This isn't me! In those moments of pure agony I realized something for the first time, the love of a mother. Here I was putting myself through pain and sorrow for the good of my child. Isn't that incredible, I feel so much love for someone I've never met. I felt a single tear slip from my right eye, but that didn't stop the kisses I was giving Tyler. I started to debate in my head how to tell him, about the baby. I thought about whispering in his ear that I had a surprise or tell him in between kisses, but everything felt so wrong. I ask myself again, how did I get here? I always thought that a husband would be overjoyed that is wife was pregnant, but here I was trig to soften to blow.
"I love you," I whispered in his ear hoping that would be the last thing I needed to say or do. But I was wrong. He slightly grunted at my comment and kept the kisses coming. Those words hurt for me to say, I haven't said that to him since our wedding night because they are no longer true. I don't love him, I hate him I despise him. What am I doing? I'm in a ridiculous dress and am doing something way out of my character, still I continue to kiss him. Still I continue to let him abuse me, still I stay married to him, and worst of all still I stay quiet about it. Why? My reasoning for I deserved it because I cheated on Maxon, I- I didn't believe that anymore. No human deserves to be treated this way, but I don't know how to stop it. Even back in the selection I had to do that project where I ended up suggesting to eliminate the cast. I had so much hardship in my life, but I never knew how to fix it. I guess I haven't grown up much, because I still don't know how to change any of this.  Eventually, our kissing started to slow and I knew it was time for my news. Please work, I pleaded in my head. After our kissing stopped I grabbed his hand and led him over to our bed and sat down. I laid my head on his shoulder as I put together how I was going to break the news. I took a deep breath and prayed this would work. I gently lifted my head off of his shoulder and put my mouth against his ear, I kissed him once there before breaking the news.
"I have a surprise for you," I said trying to keep my voice level and my emotions under control.
"Oh yeah, and what would that be?" He said with my face right next to his I could feel his smirk.  I took another deep breath this was it, it's now or never, I had to tell him.
"I'm pregnant," I said barely loud enough for him to hear.
Tyler turned to look at me, "say that again?" He said, with the tone he was using I knew he had heard what I said, still I repeated myself.
"I'm pregnant."
He shook his head and rolled his eyes at me.
"No you stupid girl I heard you the first time." 
"Well what do you think?" I asked as I looked down at my hands. I risked peeking up at his expression, but it was hard to read.
"Well there is only one thing we can do," he said simply. He seemed weirdly calm about all of this.
"What?" I asked.
"Well, you have to get an abortion," he said and gave me a wicked smile. My heart dropped.