How did I get here?

Chapter 29

Here goes nothing, I think as I begin my story......
I try to hold on to my smile that Maxon has requested I hold until the end. Maxon moves to stand up and I know it is time for the proposal.
"Over these past several months I've had the opportunity to get to know 35 amazing women and one of these women has found their way into my heart, Lady Kriss will you join me?" Maxon says and I think I may puke.
She nods and I can see how bright she is smiling, she will be an amazing queen, better than I could have ever been.
He takes her hands in his and gets down on one knee, this may be the most painful thing I've ever had to watch.
"Kriss you are the light of my life, you've showed me what I have been missing all my life, love. Kriss, will you marry me?" He asks. 
"Yes," She says and he slips the ring on her finger. He quickly stands up and they kiss, I avert my eyes knowing I won't be able to handle it. The report ends and I walk away as quickly as I can. As I ran out the door, I run into Aspen.
"I'll take you to the car where your family is," he says. I nod and walk quietly towards the car, think awful thoughts about myself and my character, this was all my fault. "I'm sorry," he says and all I can do is nod, as far as I'm concerned my life is over. We endure awkward silence and soon we arrived at the car.
"Read this when your ready," Aspen says slipping a note into my hands and I nod. At the time I thought it was a love note. I quickly slip into the car and May silently hugs me the whole way to the airport. We all get into the plane and we are still all silent.
"Do you want to talk about it," my mom asks. I just shake my head, unable and unwilling to speak. I watched out of the window leaving everything I thought my future was going to be behind.
I open Aspens letter and am actually surprised at what I see.
Dear Mer,
I will always love you, however I'm not in love with you anymore. At this point, I think of you like family and I always will. I have fallen in love with Lucy, I've opened my heart again and I hope you will too.
Love, Aspen
I just stared at the letter unable to comprehend what I had just read. If I would have listened to Aspen on the train, I could have avoided this whole mess. As soon as I arrived home in Carolina, I went up to my room and didn't come out.
"Dinner America," my mom says, but I couldn't eat.
"I'm not hungry," I say. 
She sadly shook her head and walked away. This went on for days.  After one day she forced me to eat, but even then I didn't eat that much.
"America, we need to talk." My mother comes into my room several weeks later.
"About what?" I asked, wanting nothing more than to be left alone.
"Your depressed and we need to fix that," she says.
"My Father just died and I lost the love of my life," I say. "Of course I'm depressed."
"I need you to take these," she says pulling out an anti-depressant.
"I don't want those," I say.
"To bad, you have to take them." She says and places the bottle on my side table.
"Okay Fine, Just leave me alone." I say and put my face into my pillow. I wait until I hear the door lock before I burst into tears. Since I had left the palace, crying is something I do more than anything. Two more months passed by with the same behaviors, I took the pills, but I couldn't tell if they were helping. Aspen, Lucy, and Marlee had all come by several times and each time I've sent them away.
"I've had enough," my mom says bursting through my door on a Saturday afternoon.
"With what?" I say sounding extremely monotone.
"I can't stand to watch you lay here depressed. Tonight you, Kenna, and James are going out." I tried to object, I really didn't want to go. But with one look from Mom I knew I had to go.
"Fine," I say and she walks out of my room feeling satisfied. I get out of bed for the first time in months and look at myself in the mirror. I looked like a wreck, my hair was knotted everywhere, my eyes were red and puffy, and I was pale. Then I looked down at my body, it made me feel sick to see how skinny I was. I had eaten enough that you couldn't see bones, but I didn't look that far off. I thought about Maxon and how he needed me to look presentable tonight.
Soon May comes up with a tray of food and offers it to me.
"Thanks," I say as she hands it to me. I decided I needed to start eating for the good of my health. I hungrily ate the food on the plate only now realizing how much I missed food.
"I came up to help you get ready," she says.
"It's only the afternoon," I say confused as to why she thinks we would need to start so early.
"Brushing out your hair is going to take awhile," she says and leads me over to a chair. She picks up a hairbrush and starts to slowly bush through my hair. "I'm really glad you are going out tonight," she says.
"Really," I say, even though I understood why, it seemed weird coming from May. Our entire lives she has begged me to stay home with her and to be with her.
"Yeah, I think you need a pick me up."
"I probably do." We sit in silence, enjoying each other's company.
After an hour and a half she puts the bush down, "I think I'm done with at least that part."
She moves to plug in the curling iron and I look at myself in the mirror, it felt good to be taken care of. She pulls the top part of my hair and makes a cute messy bun on the top of my head. Then she curls the bottom half of my hair, while she does that I start humming for the first time in months.
"Now it's time for your make up," she says as she unplugs the curling iron and grabs the make up bag.
"Don't go to crazy with the make up May," I say and she nods.
She puts a light layer of foundation on my face, so I don't look so pale and washed out. Then she puts blush on, to give me a little color in my cheeks. Lastly she does light eyeshadow and a little eyeliner and mascara.
"Now for the outfit," May says.
"Thanks May, but I think I can pick that out for myself."
"I just want to make you feel like a princess," she says. Princess. She didn't mean to, but that word hurt me. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have," she starts, but I put my hand up and shake my head.
"It's okay, thanks for your help." I say.
"Your welcome," she says and quietly exits the door. I pull out a lacey blue dress out of my closet and quickly slip into it. Then I put on a pair of white lace heels and look at myself in the mirror, this is going to be good for me I tell myself. That was a lie,that was the night I met Tyler. I briskly walk downstairs and James, Kenna, and I all head out.