How did I get here?

Chapter 59

It's been a few weeks since I've talked to Maxon about how the fault of the situation goes both ways. I think he's been excepting it more, but I can see in his eyes that he still blames himself.
"How are you darling?" Maxon says,pulling me out of my thoughts. I had just run into him in the hallway and it was the first time I'd seen him all day.
"Good, how are you?" I say.
"Okay," He says.
"Why just okay?" I ask tasing one of my eyebrows.
"Work is stressing me out," he says.
"I imagine being King isn't always fun," I say.
He gave me a look that said, you have no idea. "There's is so much good you can do in the job, but it isn't always the most relaxing job."
"Wow you are really selling the be queen thing to me right now," I joke and suddenly his face gets serious.
"I promise there is a lot of good to this job, it's fulfilling. You would be perfect." He says.
"Hmm I'll think about," I say, trying to lighten the mood.
"I hope you will," he says.
"I can tell your stressed, your taking everything a little to seriously," I comment and his shoulders finally loosen as the tension leaves.
"I know,I'm sorry."
"No need to apologize, I get it. Well at least I think I do." I say.
"Look I've got to go to my next meeting, but I'll see you later okay?" He says.
"Okay," I say. He quickly kisses my lips and I can feel my heart radiating how happy he made me feel.
"I love you," He says.
"I love you too," I say. I wasn't afraid to say it anymore. I still doubted my ability to get remarried sometimes, but I wasn't scared of emotions anymore.
I walk back up to my room and I see the last person I expect to.....
"May?" I ask.
"In the flesh," she jokes and I immediately hug her.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, so quiet only she could hear.
"I've come to talk," she says. I pull away from and we move to sit on my bed.
"What did you want to talk about?" I ask, still so eager to see her.
"Feelings. Specifically yours," she says looking directly at me.
"Oh great, this is exactly what I wanted." I say sarcastically.
"You really need to," She presses.
"Okay fine," I say looking down at my feet and thinking about where to start.
"Well I'm in love with Maxon," I say and she squeals with excitement.
"Hang on let me finish," I say and she calms down. "I just am not one hundred percent sure I'm ready to get married."
"But you love him," she says flopping down on the bed.
"Life is not that simple," I say.
"Why not?" She says.
"Because I can't be that trusting," I say.
"But Maxon is not Tyler," she says.
"I know he isn't, but it's scary."
"I understand Ames, but you love him and he loves you."
"I know," I say and look down at my feet. "It's just I'm scared that he'll change once we get married, like Tyler did. And then my miscarriage, I'm scared to have another baby." I say.
"Just take it one at a time, marriage then babies."
"You know, I wish I was as innocent as you. Never change May."
"Oh believe me, I won't."
"I thought that way once to, just promise me something." I say.
"What?" May asks.
"Just promise to never get with a guy like Tyler, all it is is heart break."
"I'll try," she says.
We are quiet for a moment and I hoped that May never have to go through what I had to go through.
"Trust Maxon Okay he's a good guy," May finally says quietly. I look into her blue eyes and I can tell she truly believes that. "Also, be okay with getting pregnant again after you get married."
"I'll try May, but it hurts. I lost my child, it's not as easy, it's painful."
"I know, I don't think it would be easy. Just promise that you'll move on with your life eventually."
"I will May, I promise."
"Good," she says.
I put my head on her shoulder, and we stay like that. I hope I can get over all the hurt.