Let You Go ||Kuroo Tetsurou x Reader||

Chapter 21

I'm so sorry for the lag guys. My dad passed away from cancer and I was dealing with a lot of stuff revolving around graduation and college.

Keiji leaned in, his lips moving closer before he pulled away. "Damn. I can't do this to you, I respect you too much to have this happen when you're in such a vulnerable place. We both know you love him, even though he makes the stupidest decisions ever and isn't very good at speaking." He said with a sigh.

You looked at him, confused but you both understood well what he was saying, and that it was true. "I think he's just afraid of losing you again, that's why he's making all these dumb mistakes. Or he's just a flat out idiot, it could be either really." Keiji said, reasoning as you both studied each other in the dim light.

"Why are you so in love with this boy that you continuously give him second chances?" He asked, shaking his head as he watched headlights reflect against the inside of the car, vehicles speeding past the parked car.

                     You shrugged, you really had no idea. You tried to think of one, but there really wasn't a logical one. You could say love, because well it seemed that you did love him, but why did love have to hurt the way it did. Love wasn't supposed to make wounds larger, it was supposed to heal them. Or was it just his love that hurt. The more you thought the more you confused yourself, because really, the way people often depicted love was that it was supposed to emphasize the best parts of you and heal past scars and cuts. But how come the love you shared with Kuroo didn't do that.

"The best person to talk to about this is Kuroo. I'll drop you back off and wait, just in case anything goes astray, but really, you're the one in this relationship, you need to tell him how you're feeling. This entire thing has been such a rollercoaster, and I can't comprehend him, he's so complex. You're the only one who has seen the deeper, hidden parts. You understand him better than any one. This is your life. Don't let him diminish your shine. If he can't stand to be in your light, then he doesn't deserve to be with you. " Keiji said, lifting up your chin and kissing your forehead gently.

              The drive back was nerve racking, just because you could feel the pressure building up in your heart. You felt like you were literally going to burst. It was scary, confronting your feelings the way you knew you needed to.
Kuroo wasn't outside of the cabin when you arrived, he must have gone out searching for you.                

You entered the cabin before sitting on the bed. The little cabin was a mess, the trash was kicked over, there was things strewn all over the floor and a chair knocked over in an fit of anger. You sent him a text, saying, "I'm home."

After several minutes, Kuroo entered into the cabin, his hair was messier than usual and his eyes were dark. He also had bags under his eyes and a black sweatshirt half unzipped, hanging off his frame haphazardly. He knew before he entered the room, that something was going to happen.

"Why. Why do you mess up so much. You've lost me twice, and yet you say you're so afraid of losing me but it's become something you're good at. You tear me down, pulling apart pieces of me and smashing them on the floor. I don't understand how you can claim you love me. Love doesn't make wounds larger, it shouldn't hurt the way it does. Explain to me why." You said, looking at him as he picked up the chair and faced you.

"I can't'. I don't know. I thought I was doing everything right. And I just get so anxious about the future, because I want a secure future. I want you to grow old with me. All these plans I have are meaningless without you. You're the person I want to marry. It's scary thinking you might not be apart of it. "

"Then why do the things you say and your actions not line up. It doesn't make any sense to me at all. If you're so afraid of losing someone why do you so freely treat them like you're okay with losing them? With tearing them down?"

Kuroo stopped and bit his lip. He really didn't know why. "I'm trying my best, okay I have a lot going on and I'm trying." He said his lip beginning to quiver. "Yeah? Well, I've had a lot to worry about too, you know being sick and everything. It's not an excuse to treat the people around you like crap. You need to learn that. And Tetsu, I'm a person. I can walk away, maybe not easily, but I can, I don't have to withstand being treated the way you treat me. And you know I can and will walk away, because I have before."

"Why do you let this build up, you let it get to this extent and then you just go off on me." He snapped back. Which made you bite your tongue with frustration.
"I shouldn't be told that you question being with me due to my health. You think the future is promised, and that's where you're so wrong. Life is too short, and unpredictable to think anything will be stable and permanent." You said, gazing at him as he stared back at you, dark eyes boring holes into your head.

"Fine, whatever, I'll work on it. " He said, growing more anxious. "But you have to chose between Akaashi-san and I." He said, crossing his arms over his chest. "You spend too much time with him, and I'm not comfortable with it."

You chuckled. How funny, really how ridiculously funny. "You're in no position to be making ultimatums. I'm the one whose walking on the fence of being with you or not."
"It's funny, you think I'm always just going to keep crawling back to you. But you know, that's not the case." He said, suddenly becoming defensive.

"I never said you'd keep crawling back to me. But if you really wanted me that bad, you would be on your knees begging for me back, or trying to figure out how to fix all your wrongs. I really don't know what there is left to say." You said, crossing your arms over your chest.

"Says the girl who won't chose me as her first choice over Keiji. Pathetic." He muttered. You really wondered what happened throughout the conversation that he suddenly thought he could act like this when he was barely hanging onto you by a thread.

"Lose the friend whose stood beside me for everything, or the boy whose let me go multiple times. If you couldn't see my worth the past two times what is going to change?" You asked, both of you looked at each other, as silence fell over the room.