Silence is the worst thing (Emison)

Chapter 9

Chapter 9
By the end of the second day ignoring Alison, Emily had found going to school bearable, especially having the very perky blonde Hanna by her side. Hanna was bright but Emily felt that sometimes the blonde did not give herself enough credit. Certainly sometimes she had her moments but other times Emily found that Hanna was quite intelligent.
By lunch time on the third day Emily was beginning to feel like she could walk down the halls again without wanting to runaway when Alison occupied the same space.
'So, what do you think Caleb will like more for tonight? Tight black dress or flowy red dress?' Hanna asked as they sat down for lunch. The two girls had taken to sitting by themselves and usually Caleb would join if he wasn't busy.
'Hmm. Definitely the tight black dress.' Emily smiled as she sipped at her coffee. Now that it was Friday Emily was happy that she could just make it through the weekend with no drama. Emily enjoyed spending time with Hanna; it was a friendship that Emily could keep up with, emotionally anyway. Physically Hanna was all over the place.
The blonde let out a quick squeal and then looked over her shoulder.
'Ohhhh quick he's coming, let's talk about something else.' Emily looked towards Caleb, he was stopped by one of his teachers and seemed in deep conversation but as Emily went to look away her eyes fell upon Alison.
The beautiful blonde was looking directly at her and she didn't bother to avert her gaze. Alison was missing Emily greatly and as the last couple of days progressed her anger for the brunette subsided and was replaced with jealousy. Alison was jealous that Emily had now confided in somebody else and she seemed happy with that. The blonde secretly wanted to be the cause of the happiness but she knew that she deserved to be ignored. Her words were unjust and to say the least, hurtful.
Emily quickly looked away and back at her coffee. Why was seeing Alison so hard? Was it because whenever she saw the blonde she was reminded of her father and then in turn Jason? She wanted to look at Alison like she used to, but now, she was just scared.
'What's wrong?' Hanna asked as she looked over her shoulder to investigate what altered Emily's mood. Her eyes then found Alison. Her friend was sitting across the courtyard having lunch with Spencer and Aria. They all seemed deep in conversation except that Ali's eyes were looking towards Emily, almost as if mesmerised by the brunette.
'Don't worry about it Em. It'll all work out.' Hanna placed her hand on Emily's shoulder encouragingly.
'I don't think it could Han, it's complicated.' Emily continued to sip at her coffee; it was the only distraction that would stop her from looking towards Alison again.
'I can do complicated and so can Ali. When you're ready you should try talking to her.' Hanna wasn't sure why she was sticking up for Alison, she was still mad for her actions but she wanted both Emily and the blonde to be happy so she would try to fix this. Whatever "this" was.
Emily looked up from her coffee and at Hanna. It was hard to just talk to Alison again, Emily was considering telling her about what had happened with her and Jason but she wasn't sure the blonde would take it lightly. Emily hadn't told Hanna either.
'Has Hanna spoken to you since her little outburst the other day?' Alison asked her two friends when their conversation died down. She felt rude for interrupting since Aria and Spencer were so interested in talking about college, so she waited. Another new thing for Alison DiLaurentis to do, she would usually just interrupt.
Aria and Spencer looked between each other and contemplated whether telling the truth or not.
'You can tell me. I won't be mad.' The two dark haired girls were mildly surprised at Alison's remark; they could tell it was genuine.
'Yeah, we've been talking a bit. Hanna said she's trying to get Emily to talk to you again.' Aria said with a weary smile. Alison's eye brow lifted slightly in confusion, Hanna was trying to help her? The blonde thought that Hanna was mad at her.
'Really? Why?' Alison's curiosity was growing as her friends spoke.
'Not sure. But Emily seems like she wants to talk you. But she also looks upset whenever she talks about you.' Spencer was playing with her coffee cup, it was clear she had finished it some time ago and was hankering for another.
'Wait, she's talking to you guys as well?' Alison again was surprised as Aria and Spencer exchanged another look before nodding in unison.
Alison could feel jealousy bubble within her. Now Emily seemed to be talking to everyone but the blonde and it made her envious of her friends. This was another first for Alison; she was usually never envious of anyone.
'Don't tell me that the one and only Alison DiLaurentis is jealous.' Aria joked and Spencer chuckled softly but Alison shot them both an irritated look, causing them both to become silent again. Pleased with the peace Alison gazed back over at Emily, not seeing the look Spencer and Aria exchanged, they both knew Alison was jealous.
As Alison walked from her locker to her car after school she was surprised to see Noel waiting for her. She wasn't in the mood for him today, or ever for that matter. The blonde was still covetous about Emily talking to everyone but her.
When Alison made it to her car Noel smiled at her. She didn't know why she even went to his party that Friday night, she was just angry. She seemed to be angry a lot more than usual lately.
'Hey gorgeous.' Noel said as he leaned in to kiss the blonde, she quickly moved her cheek again and smiled. His eye was still bruised from the fight with Emily. He seemed un-phased that Alison didn't allow him a kiss because he knew they were still on a "trial run".
'So have you been thinking about us? Are we getting together or what?' He asked hopefully but Alison wasn't in the mood. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Emily departing school totally un aware of her and Noel.
'Look Noel, I can't do this. I've got way too much going on right now.' Alison could tell that Noel was upset with her and as he followed her gaze he was even more displeased.
'Whatever Alison. You two deserve each other.' He turned to walk away; his remark was so bold even Alison had no reply. The blonde instead got into her car and drove away. She was not in the mood for any of this.
As the blonde pulled her car into her driveway she was greeted with her father's Mercedes already parked at the front of the house. She was mildly surprised to see that her father was home so early, she briefly thought there might have been some special occasion but decided he had just finished work.
'Dad?' Alison called as she entered her home. No one answered but she could hear her father talking up in his study. Subconsciously the blonde found herself slowly walking up the stairs trying to listen in on the conversation. She assumed her father would be on the phone as he always was.
'What do you mean she visited him?' Alison's father sounded angry when she placed her ear on the door, curiosity always getting the better of her.
'You're a prison; you should have some sort of notification process!' The person on the other end spoke for a while and Alison could hear her father's frequent footsteps. He was pacing. 'Well next time Ms. Fields visits my client you let me know straight away!'
Alison heard her father slam his phone on the desk. He was not happy. But what caught the blonde's attention more was the surname who visited his client. It was probably just a coincidence. It had to be. Unless... Who was Emily visiting in Jail? Alison had to find out. She knocked on the study door and then opened it, not bothering to wait for permission.
'Hey Dad, just wanted to let you know there's a lot of mail for you down stairs.' Kenneth hadn't been home in several days. Business was always his life and he didn't know anything more than that.
'Thank you, sweetie. I'll go sort it out.' He turned to pick up an empty coffee cup on his desk.
'I've got that. You go sort out those letters.' Her father smiled before leaving the room. His head was not clear enough to realise that his daughter's behaviour was slightly out of character.
Alison turned to her father's desk and shuffled through some old case files. Nothing seemed remotely interesting and when she shut the draws again she decided she was being paranoid. How many people had the last name Fields anyway?
When Alison was about to give up in her search she noticed an old case file with "closed" imprinted on the front, on the desk. Looking towards the door Alison quickly grabbed the file and read through it. The first page was a large photo of her brother Jason, in a police mug shot. The image confused her. Jason was in prison? Why wasn't she told about this? Above the police record there was visiting record. Her mother's name was writing almost every single time except for the occasional appearance of her father's. But the most recent date on the record was what stood out the most.
Date visited: Tuesday 18th
Time: 10:36pm
Emily Fields
That was the day Emily's mother had practically thrown Alison out after the dinner and the next day Emily was ignoring her? What was Emily doing seeing Jason? As the blonde went to turn the page she heard her father walking up the stairs. Quickly shutting the files, Alison grabbed the cup from the desk and headed downstairs like nothing was out of the ordinary. In the back of her mind however many questions ran ramped. Why was Jason in prison? Why did Emily visit him? How did they know each other? And why didn't her father tell her any of this?
As badly as Alison wanted to ask her father she already knew he wouldn't tell her anything, with his client confidentiality and all that. So Alison decided to go straight to the source...
When Emily made it home from school that day she felt on edge but wasn't sure why, she had spent most of the day with Hanna. However, since it was Friday the bubbly blonde had plans with Caleb and Emily was left at home by herself until her parents finished work.
The brunette decided to preoccupy herself with reading, anything to keep her mind off Alison and her family.
Emily pulled her copy of "Great Expectations" from her bag and continued where she left off last night, the brunette was aware that the assignments for the book had been finished and long gone but she merely wanted a distraction.
And she figured Charles Dickens would keep her busy.
The brunette made herself a cup of tea and sat herself in front of the television with the music channel playing. It was nice to have some noise in the background; it made her feel like she wasn't alone.
As time passed Emily had made it through two chapters before her eyes began to strain. The story might have been confusing but Emily still found her thoughts fixated on Alison. Sipping from her tea Emily briefly thought of going and seeing the blonde but realised she was supposed to be ignoring her. It was easier when Hanna was around.
Moments later Emily heard footsteps from outside and then the front door bursting open. At first the brunette thought it was her mother so she didn't stand. But as a few short moments passed Emily found not her mother but a flustered Alison standing in front of her.
'Come on in.' Emily murmured before she went back to her tea, however Alison didn't appreciate the humour and the brunette could tell.
'Oh so you are talking to me now?' Alison wasn't expecting Emily to talk to her straight away; the blonde originally thought it was take some persuasion.
'Why do you care?' Emily was fast with her response as she sipped at her tea again, she was getting better at sticking up for herself.
'I don't.' Alison tried to hide her jealousy but secretly Emily wished she wouldn't. Emily wanted Alison to show that she was jealous; it made her feel like she did matter to the blonde.
Sipping from her tea once more Emily gave Alison a nod and rolled her eyes.
'How do you know my brother?' Alison spat out, she towered over the brunette as she struggled for words. How did Alison know?
'I don't know what you're talking about.' Emily said calmly as she put her book on the coffee table next to her tea, giving Alison her full attention.
'Don't lie to me! You went and visited him in jail on Tuesday. Why?' Emily knew she had been busted, but she wasn't sure why she felt guilty. The brunette didn't really owe Alison anything, even if she felt she did. As badly as Emily wanted to tell Alison about what had happened, she couldn't bring herself to do it.
What if Alison didn't believe her? No one else did!
When the brunette's silences continued Alison's patients wore out, she was not in the mood for anymore silence!
'Tell me Emily!'
'I meet him at a party about a year ago.' It wasn't a lie and it didn't reveal any details about her past, Emily felt she had done a good job of answering the enraged blonde's questions. But Alison wasn't satisfied, she wanted more than that.
'It wasn't a friendly visit so tell me why.'
'I can't Alison.' Emily stuttered and looked away from the blonde. Her confidence ceased to exist from that moment on.
'You can't? Or you won't Emily?' The brunette looked away from Alison. This was too hard for her and she was already having a hard time coping.
'I can't. You wouldn't understand.'
'Try me.' The blonde said crossing her arms, still standing dominantly in front of the brunette.
Emily was lost for words.
She was emotionally and physically stuck. It was too hard to talk about what had happened with Jason, she had done it once before and it did her absolutely no good. Of course there was going to be struggle if she were to ever talk about it again.
'God, Emily! Just tell me!'
'He raped me!'
And there it was. The words stuck to the air like a thickness so uncomfortable anyone would run.
But Alison didn't. She merely stood there, shocked at Emily's outburst and revelation.
Her brother Jason? There was no way he could have... could he?
Emily broke down into tears and fled from the room. Heading upstairs to find sanctuary in her four walls was all she had. The brunette assumed by the silence Alison gave her that she didn't believe a word. It was too hard to believe.
But saying it out loud, made it so much more real. It meant it really happened and even after almost a year, Emily still couldn't accept that. She brunette fell on her bed feeling helpless.
'Em?' Alison said softly as she walked into the crying brunette's room. To see Emily in that much pain meant something, it meant that she couldn't have been lying. Alison trusted her and cared for Emily way too much to see her feel this way.
'I'm not lying. I swear Ali.' The brunette was practically sobbing into her pillow as she spoke. The scene Alison was witnessing was too painful and she had to do something.
'I believe you Em.' The blonde said as she sat on the edge of Emily's bed, tenderly placing her hand on Emily's shoulder.
With the touch of Alison's hand Emily felt herself let go, she let go of all her anger towards the blonde and reached for a hug. Tightly returning the gesture, Alison held Emily close and stroked her hair.
'I'm so sorry Em. I didn't know.' Alison realised in that moment what a fool she was. Emily was so special and dear to her that the blonde couldn't believe she let her jealousy get the better of her. Alison knew she deserved to be ignored for the rest of her life from Emily.
As Emily's crying subsided, Alison was sure her hold remained tighter than before and she was content with this. The blonde wanted to hold this damaged girl until she was better, even if she had to hold her for the rest of eternity. At first she thought it was out of guilt for what her brother had done but instead the blonde knew she felt something more than that. Her heart was beating faster than it ever had before and it was all because Emily was holding her.
The brunette let out a deep sigh and wiped her eyes of her remaining tears. Removing herself from Alison's hold Emily looked deep into her eyes, smiling softly Alison leaned in and kissed the brunette's forehead.
'I am sorry, Emily.' Emily could feel the authenticity of Alison's apology and it made her smile.
Forgetting every negative emotion Emily had towards Alison, the brunette felt herself moving in to kiss her. Emily needed some reassurance that Alison was truly there with her and holding her. The brunette just wanted to hold on to the one thing that made her feel good.
The kiss was tender and soft. Alison was momentarily surprised as she wasn't really expecting it but the blonde wasn't complaining. Bringing her hand up to Emily's neck Alison held the girl tightly, making her know that the blonde had no intentions of letting go.
Emily could feel her heart rate accelerate and she felt her hands move to Alison's hips subconsciously. Pulling at the blonde, Emily sunk back into the bed, letting Alison hover over her. Their kissing slowly grew in passion, for Emily it was hard to control herself when it came to Alison. She desperately wanted the blonde and as the kissing continued Emily felt Alison's hands move to her waist. The touch of Alison's hands on Emily's skin caused a soft moan to escape her lips. Control seemed impossible at this point.
Passion grew between the girls as their kissing amplified, Emily could feel Alison fight for dominance and this time she allowed it because Emily knew that Alison needed this as much as she did.
Alison let her hands roam Emily, at first through her clothing but after a certain amount of time she found it wasn't enough.
Slowly but surely the blonde gently let her fingers slightly lift up the hem of Emily's shirt, causing her to moan again. Slowly revealing the brunette's tanned and rather toned body; Alison couldn't help but break the kiss to look. As Alison observed she noticed a large scar on Emily's hip, it caused Alison to remember the scar on Emily's back.
Many questions rose as Alison laid her eyes on Emily's body. There were several small scars around her stomach and ribs and then the larger one peaking from the top of her jeans, they all looked painful.
Emily noticed Alison's gaze and became embarrassed. She attempted to pull her shirt back down but the blonde stopped her. Softly, before Emily could retaliate, Alison lowered her lips to a small scar and kissed it. Emily let out a large breath that she must have been holding in for longer than the blonde noticed, but she continued kissed each scar. Alison counted eleven in her head when she made it to the largest scar. When the blonde went to kiss it she noticed Emily inhale a large amount of air.
'Does it hurt?' Alison paused before kissing and looked at Emily.
'Yes... it does. All the time.' The brunette held her breath, afraid Alison would judge the amount of scars of her body. Though it wasn't her fault, Emily had gotten into the mind set of blaming herself.
Alison pulled away, she didn't want to hurt Emily anymore then she already had.
'Don't stop, Ali.' Emily murmured; every single time the blondes lips touched her skin, Emily felt sparks spread through her. The brunette wanted more.
'I don't want to hurt you.' Alison paused before hovering over Emily's skin again.
'You won't.' Emily sounded convincing and even though Alison could sense her hesitation, she could also sense the brunette's need for her. Moving to edge of Emily's jeans, Alison slowly kissed the scar that stretched several inches across her skin.
'Did... he do this?' Alison couldn't say her brother's name anymore; she didn't even want to think of him but as Emily slowly nodded Alison realised she would feel guilty every time she looked at Emily's scars. She would see her brother and she would be reminded of what he did to her.
'Do you want to talk about it?' Alison did want Emily to talk, she knew that this was the reason why the brunette was silent for so long and she just wanted the brunette to know she cared and believed her. Emily looked away momentarily before looking back to Alison, giving her a small nod.
The two sat up and crossed their legs, knees touching and hands intertwine Emily felt a comfort she hadn't felt in a long time. Alison gave the brunette an encouraging smile before bringing Emily's hands to her lips, kissing them delicately.
'I went to a party with some friends. We had finished school for the year and everyone was celebrating.' Emily paused; even then Alison could tell that the beginning of the story was a struggle.
'There's no rush to talk. Take as long as you need, I'll be right here when you are ready.' Alison's words were genuine and Emily knew she could trust the blonde. It was just hard.
'I want to tell you.' Alison smiled softly at the brunette. She was ready. 'My friend introduced me to her brother's friend. It was Jason but I didn't know his name until later that night. We were dancing and everything and it was fun, I guess. But I was uncomfortable. I remember everything, how loud the music was, I remember him holding me when we danced. It was just... uncomfortable.' Emily breathed in and watched Alison, she seemed pained and the thought of anyone touching Emily angered her.
'We got talking; he said he wanted to travel once he finished college. Since I always wanted to travel I was interested in what he had to say. He offered for us to go upstairs so we could hear each other, at the time I thought he just trying to be sweet but now... well now I just feel stupid.' Emily rolled her eyes at her immaturity; she should've known Jason's intentions.
'So, he... raped you at the party?' Alison struggled with the word. It wasn't even her experience and she was struggling! No wonder Emily didn't speak for so long!
'No. He tried but I pushed him away and ran downstairs to find my friends. I wanted to go home but they wanted to stay. Jason had followed me down by that point and tried to pull me back, everyone thought it was normal but I had had enough. So I pushed him over and left. I was too afraid to call anyone and I was still in shock from the bedroom incident all I could do was walk and it was pouring outside.'
As Emily retold her story it was like reliving the whole thing.
'In the rain? Was it a long walk?' Alison had many questions she wanted to ask but she tried to let Emily speak.
'Yes but I never made it home. I had been walking for almost an hour when I noticed Jason was following me, I didn't know if he had driven or if he had walked, I tried to run from him but he was too fast. He hit me on the back of my head with a bottle, it didn't knock me out but it really hurt.'
Emily led Alison's hands to the back of her head, guiding the soft inspectors to the small scars that Jason had made with the glass bottle. Alison felt the small bumps and almost instantly covered her mouth in shock.
'He dragged me into a nearby alley and held me down and...' But Emily couldn't finish, she couldn't relive that again, it was too horrible.
'I remember everything, the smell of the rain, the smell of the rubbish in a nearby dumpster. I remember him, the way he touched me and pushed me down. It's still haunting me and all I want to do is forget. He took everything from me.' Emily held on to Alison's hands tightly and made herself continue, she needed to talk. She needed this.
'I always see it. I always see that alley in my dreams. I see my own blood beneath me, I see him even when I wake up, I hear him. I just want to forget but all I can do is remember. I can remember the way I felt when he first punctured my skin with that bottle. It was excruciating. At first he just used the glass to tear my clothes but when I screamed because he cut me he seemed to find it pleasurable. He made me say his name when he did it. He started off with little scratches. They've healed. Then he went with digging pieces of glass into my skin. Which are these.'
Emily lifted her shirt to display her small scars to Alison and even though the blonde had already seen them, seeing them a second time was just as disturbing as the first.
'And this one...' Emily pointed to larger scar that disappeared passed her jeans. '...Goes half way down my thigh. He dragged the bottle down and listened to me scream. At first it was just a small drag but because it was that painful I didn't say his name. So he continued and made me say it.' Alison felt her jaw drop, the scar looked painful and it was permanent. She hated her brother for what he did to Emily.
'What about the one on your back?' Alison distinctly remembered seeing that scar on Emily's back the day she visited her at home for the first time, but that scar didn't look like a cut, it looked significantly worse. Emily's hand instinctively went to her side, she couldn't completely hold the scar because of the angle but even now she could still feel it through her shirt.
'When he had finished, I tried to run away, I thought he wouldn't bother chasing me because he had gotten what he wanted. I couldn't exactly run, so as I slowly stumbled away he pulled my head back and stabbed me in the back with the bottle. I don't really remember many details after that. I remember the pain and I remember him throwing me to the ground after but that was it. I lay there waiting. I thought I was going to die, so I waited for death. Someone found me not too long after that. I think they were taking rubbish to the dumpster and then they called the police. Next thing I know I woke up in a hospital.'
Emily waited for Alison to talk. The brunette knew that Alison was still taking the whole story in. It was a lot to hear in one go. Emily's mother hadn't even heard the whole story through without bursting out crying several times.
'Oh my god Emily.' It seemed like an eternity had passed before Alison finally spoke. Her hands went to Emily's neck and pulled her into a hug. This was the only thing Alison felt she could do. What could she say? Emily's experience was enough to give up in life but here she was, with Alison.
By some freak chance she was here with Alison. The blonde had never felt so blessed to have met someone, but at the same time she felt so much guilt spread through her body, not because of her brother but because of how she had treated Emily. The jealousy and the anger, it was all so unnecessary. Emily was just scared and who could blame her? Alison felt immensely bad for not caring for the brunette more.
'I'm so sorry about everything I did Em, I'm sorry I got angry at you, I'm sorry I yelled. I'm sorry I got jealous when you talked to the others.' Alison held Emily tightly to her and she never wanted to let go.
'Wait, you were jealous?' Emily pulled away from the blonde so she could see her beautiful blue eyes. Alison nodded shyly. 'Why?'
'Because I want to be the one that you want to talk to. I want to be the one that you want to be with all the time. I want you, to want me in the same way that I want you.' Alison knew that expressing feelings was never her thing but the words she spoke to Emily were crystal clear.
'And Emily... there is nothing in this world that I want more than you.'
Alison's confession made Emily's heart race. How could Alison be so perfect about what the brunette had just told her? She knew it wasn't easy to hear.
Emily realised in that moment, that even though Alison wasn't perfect, she was perfect to her.
'I want you too, Alison.'