Silence is the worst thing (Emison)

Chapter 20

Chapter 20
It had been over an hour before Spencer returned to the hospital; she knocked on the door softly and poked her head into the room. Aria had sent a message to her that Emily was asleep so she had to be quiet when she entered, even though the girls had been talking at a relatively normal level most of the time anyway.
"Hey." Spencer whispered as she enters the room with four coffees. Aria and Hanna sigh with relief at the sight of caffeine but Alison isn't much of a mood to do anything else but stare at Emily, making sure she's safe at every available second.
"You don't have to be so quiet. She's so dosed up on painkillers she could probably sleep through an earthquake." Hanna said casually and Aria rolled her eyes at the blonde's insensitivity. "What?" She asked innocently when she noticed Aria's gaze.
"This is serious." Aria mumbled back. There was a brief moment of silence in which Hanna looked over at Alison realising her insensitivity and gave her an apologetic smile.
"You know it hurts for her to laugh." Alison said minutes later, her words sad but there was no intention of guilt behind them, it was just her way of expressing the blame she felt for the state of Emily's pain.
"How are you feeling?" Spencer asked as she took her jumper off and sat down on a free chair and handing the girls their coffee. Alison looked up from stroking Emily's hair towards the smart brunette who presented her with a large take away cup. Not feeling very thirsty for coffee Alison accepted the beverage with a smile anyway.
It had been the first time in a while since Alison had been the topic of discussion and this was mainly because she wasn't interested in talking about herself.
"I'm okay." Alison was lying, to tell the truth she was so far from okay. The blonde felt exhausted and even though Emily would be okay, in that moment she wasn't really okay. Spencer raised her eyebrow curiously at the blonde who simply smiled softly before drawing her attention back to the sleeping brunette lying next to her.
"Okay, usually you're lying is something we're used to but not anymore. Cut the crap DiLaurentis, how are you feeling really?" Hanna was blunt but her cheeky tone remained in the back of her throat, she had her cute smirk on and it made Alison chuckle slightly before she went back to a sombre look.
"I have to stay strong for Em, you know? I hate seeing her like this, to see her in such pain. And it's because of me." Alison's voice was barely a whisper because she was mad at herself for presenting such vulnerability to her friends. The blonde would always want to be the ring leader and if she shared such thoughts to her friends they would see her as... human.
Aria and Spencer looked towards Alison with mild surprise however Hanna had her mouth almost hitting the ground in full on awe at Alison's courage to express herself.
"It's not your fault Ali. It's Noel's." Aria's tone had conviction but it wasn't truly enough to convince Alison and rid her of her guilt. To avoid the topic she smiles and nods.
"You really feel for her don't you?" Spencer questions while she sips at her coffee.
"I wasn't aware you had feelings Ali." Hanna chuckled to herself while Aria and Spencer snap their eyes over to the oblivious blonde in unison. "What?" Hanna asked as she shrugged her shoulders.
"Drink your coffee." Spencer said with a mouth full of her own beverage.
"So not the time Han." Aria said after taking a large gulp from her much needed coffee.
Alison rolled her eyes at her bickering friends when she felt a slight movement beneath her as the girls voices increased in volume. Looking down Alison worried if Emily had woken but as Alison observed the brunette's chest rise and fall at a slow pace she noticed curiously as Emily's lips parted slightly.
"Ali..." The words were so faint that Aria, Spencer and Hanna stopped their bickering and gave Alison and Emily their undivided attention. Alison herself couldn't help the small smile develop in the corner of her mouth as Emily tried to move into her but since the brunette was so covered with needles and bandages an attempt to move was futile. "Ali." The brunette whispered again as her head arched into Alison's waist, the blonde's touch never leaving her.
"Aww." Hanna whispered at the sight and as Alison lifted her eyes away from Emily she found her friends eyes watching her and the brunette, their eyes full of curiosity.
The girls waited for Emily to speak again but as the moments passed they slowly went back to drinking their coffee, however no one spoke.
"I told her that I love her." Alison filled the silence as she continued to stroke the un-bandaged part of Emily's head. Instantly she could feel all eyes on her, the intensity of the stare was enough burn holes in her head.
There were several minutes of silence, it wasn't awkward, it was deafening. The girls waited for Alison to speak but that was all she had. The only reason she would present such an intimate secret to her friends was because she wanted them to believe that she did have feelings, even if she did spend the last several years of school convincing them she didn't.
"Well if you weren't aware of her feelings before Han, you are now." Spencer chuckled and Alison followed in her humour. It was nice to be with her friends like this, even if the situation was not so idyllic, at least they were connecting.
The years of Alison's dictatorial tyranny seem to float away; the girls had forgiven the blonde for who she was in the previous years. Her bullying and her horrid words were enough to almost permanently damage someone and perhaps that was why Noel was the way he was but to them Alison had grown in just the few short months of knowing Emily Fields.
"Well?" Aria asked with her eyebrows raised asking Alison a question without actually speaking.
"I said I love her too." Emily's crackling voice broke the peace and it caused all four girls to jump.
"How are you feeling?" Alison looked down at the brunette, her eyes still closed and her hand still on Alison's.
"I just want to go home Ali." Emily was oblivious to the others in the room, the brunette could only see Alison, her eyes and heart were so focused on the blonde that she couldn't think of anyone else.
Alison felt for Emily, the way the brunette was stuck in the hospital was heartbreaking and the thought of her being in there for more than a few days was just as heartbreaking.
"When can you go home?" Spencer asked as she finished the last of her coffee, the smartest brunette looked at the frame of Emily's bed where her medical files sat in a hanger, pulling it out she looked over Emily. "Do you mind?"
"Not at all, I'm supposed to be out within a week or so." Emily answered.
Spencer drew her attention to the folder in front of her, opening it she gave the papers her undivided attention and took in all the knowledge she could.
"You'll be home soon Emmy." Alison drew her attention back to her girlfriend who had been stroking at the blonde's thigh from underneath the blanket; it felt nice for both of them to feel some contact.
"Why don't you go for a walk around?" Hanna suggested innocently, oblivious to Emily's condition. Spencer's eyes shot up from the folder in realisation, she had read that the brunette was, for the moment, incapable of walking.
"Han." Spencer said as she grabbed the blonde's attention and as she looked over Spencer shook her head, indicating the blonde to avoid the topic.
"What? I thought it would be good to-" Before Hanna could continue Spencer almost shoved the folder in front of her showing the confused blonde the full story. "Rehabilitation? For what?" Hanna felt herself begin to feel embarrassment when she couldn't understand all the medical files. Aria's eyes shot up from her half finished coffee over to Hanna and Spencer.
Emily watched as her friends read through the files that revealed all her problems, the lack of lung capacity, the inability to walk and all her new wounds, it was all there in the files and as she continued to watch as their eyes rose up and down in a repetitive motion and then she could feel Alison's hand move back to her head supportively.
"I can't walk." Emily finally stated as she was becoming tired of her friend's eyes moving from the paper to her. Hanna and Aria looked up sympathetically, they didn't fully understand why but they were sure Spencer would explain later. "For now anyway but I will walk again."
Aria and Hanna instantly became relieved but since Spencer understood the medical files she already had an understanding of what would be happening to Emily over the next several weeks.
There were numerous minutes of an awkward silence.
Alison felt bad for the situation Emily was in and she could tell the brunette was struggling.
"When will they start with rehab?" Hanna's question had a supportive tone but it doesn't seem to help Emily's sense of depression, the brunette may have looked tired but now she was beginning to look low.
"It says tomorrow in here." Spencer comments whilst not looking up from Emily's folder.
"There you go." Hanna said happily.
As the room filled with silence again Alison could tell Emily was rapidly losing interesting in the company surrounding her.
"Can you guys give us a second?" Alison directs to her friends, the three look at each other before smiling and standing.
"I could use with another coffee and there's a cafe down the road." Spencer offers as they walk to the door. As Emily heard the click on the handle being released she felt Alison move from the bed head to lie next to her.
"Don't lose hope Em. I know where your mind is." Alison watched Emily's mind process her words and she was well aware of what the brunette was thinking. "You will swim again. I promised you that."
"And what if I don't?" The brunette challenges. Alison sat up and rested on her elbow while she leant softly against Emily.
"Then we'll just have to find something else you're good at." Her words were seductive and they coursed through Emily as the blonde's hands moved to arm, stroking it slightly. Alison's mischievous behaviour made Emily chuckle and relax and she realised she had spent little time with just her girlfriend since everything that had happened with Noel.
Leaning up towards Alison Emily gently pressed their lips together and attempted to move her arms around the blonde's neck. With several attempts failed the brunette began to feel depressed about her weakness, the feeling of not accomplishing the smallest task was becoming a burden. She wanted to touch Alison, to feel her.
Noticing her struggle Alison moved her hands to Emily's, interlocking their fingers.
"You will get there but don't force yourself." Alison whispered as she slowly and carefully moved Emily's hand to the back of her neck. "There's nothing wrong with asking for help."
Leaving a small kiss at the tip of Emily's nose Alison felt the bandages on Emily's wrist rub against her skin, it was an odd sensation but the feel of Emily's hands against her was a good compensation.
"I want to touch you." Emily whispered into Alison's ear sending shivers all the way up her spine. Though it would seem Emily's statement was sexual both she and Alison knew there was nothing sexual about it, the pure innocence was that she needed to feel positive human contact and it was what she not only wanted but Alison felt she needed it.
The blonde's hands suddenly felt pressured, the burning desire to satisfy the brunette pushed a certain urgency that caused her hands to shake.
In an attempt to control herself Alison led her hands to Emily's cheeks, though a good percentage of her face was covered with bandages Alison still found skin to touch. Through the moment Emily felt her eyes close at the gentle, warm contact and slowly her fingers clucked to the back of Alison's neck. For the first time in what felt like an eternity Emily felt Alison's skin properly and it was through her hands that she felt such perfection.
"You saved me." Emily whispered as Alison's hands continued to stroke her skin, the blonde looked up from her task to the brunette's eyes and saw the sincerity of her words.
"I know you would have done the same for me." Alison whispered back as she watched Emily's mind work.
"No, I mean..." Emily began but Alison's sudden attention on her made her feel shy. Creating the courage to voice her thoughts Emily softly kissed the blonde next to her. "...You saved me from myself. From what happened last year."
Alison took a few moments to understand what Emily was actually referring too but after consideration she smiled and blushed.
"I saved you?" Alison forced the words from her mute lips; she had almost forgotten how to speak because of how shocking Emily's honesty was.
The brunette nodded and Alison could feel her becoming more understand of the girl beneath her.
"I love you Ali." Emily murmured as she gently pulled on the back of Alison's neck, the pain in her body momentarily disappearing at the contact.
"I love you too, Em." She replied before letting Emily draw her into a chaste kiss. In the innocence of the moment neither Alison nor Emily heard the door open. It was not until a voice cleared their throat did it bring the two girls to jump apart. Drawing her attention towards the door Emily found a young blonde standing patiently in the frame waiting for permission to enter, the brunette had no idea who the mystery woman was until Alison's breath got caught in her throat.
"Cece?" Alison yelped happily as she carefully removed herself from the bed. "What are you doing here?" She continued as she walked over to Cece and leaped into her hug.
"Well Monica told me about her college paper she wrote and she said she came here." Emily watched Cece carefully and she had to admit the blonde was stunning but standing next to Alison she didn't stand a chance. Emily saw Alison's beauty radiating from her as she invited Cece to enter the room. "She also told me she got the vibe you weren't seeing Noel anymore, at first I thought a vibe was somewhat a weird analogy to use but now I get it."
Cece looked over at Emily smiled brightly, she was confident and very intimidating; it was almost as if she was an older version of Alison and that was when Emily realised why they were such good friends.
"Hi, I'm sorry how rude of me. I'm Cece Drake, old friend of Ali's." Cece introduced herself to Emily politely but it was hard for Emily to fully understand the blonde, she was polite but in a confident way.
It was confusing.
"Emily." She replied with a croaky voice.
"At first I thought you were in hospital when your dad gave me the room number but that's okay." Cece looked over at Alison who had made her way to Emily's side, however still standing; it was a distance the brunette was not comfortable with.
"You spoke to my dad?" Alison asked mildly surprised.
"Yeah I came down for a couple days to see my parents, so I thought I'd come see my favourite girl. Except when I went to your house your dad answer the door and he seemed pissed off, I mean more than usual. He told me I'd find you here and then he slammed the door in my face."
Cece's mouth seemed to run faster than Emily could keep up with, the perky blonde was bright and very bubbly but the subtle tone of uncouth behaviour remained in the back of her personality, making it hard for Emily to actually judge whether the blonde was rude or if she was just over powering in conversation.
When neither Emily nor Alison replied Cece looked between the pair inquisitively.
"It's a long story." Alison finally answered as she sat on the seat closest to Emily, taking her hand in a comforting manner. Cece remained standing with her arms crossed in front of her chest, it was the spitting image of Alison but Emily didn't say a word. In fact her eyes were stuck on Cece; the blonde's mannerisms were uncanny to Alison's, well what Alison used to be.
"May I?" Cece motioned towards an unoccupied chair and she too did not look away from Emily, her dark and almost smoky blue eyes holding Emily's gaze. Nodding the brunette followed Cece's every move before she made herself comfortable on the chair and placing her handbag on the ground beside her.
"You look oddly familiar, have we met before?" Cece asked breaking the chilly silence that sat in the air.
"Possibly." Emily murmured, she was beginning to think that she and Cece had met but she couldn't think where.
"So Ali," Cece began as she drew her attention away from the odd brunette and to the quiet Alison. "How long have you been..." Cece's sentence drew out, it was curious to her that she had walked in on her best friend kissing another girl, not that it bothered her, it had just never occurred to her that it was a possibility with the way Alison went on about Noel.
"Gay." Emily finished the blonde's sentence which caused both Alison and Cece to look at her. The more Emily looked at Cece the more she realised where she had met the confident blonde. "The word you're looking for is gay." Emily felt herself becoming defensive, she felt stressed and overheated and she could feel her breathing change slightly.
"Em." Ali murmured softly with a hint of embarrassment hiding in her tone.
"She's friends with Jason." Emily interjected before either girl could say another word. She could remember very little of that night because it was a repressed memory but small snippets of Cece at that party flew through Emily's mind.
"Well I'd hardly say friends. I went to a few parties of his, mainly to meet college guys and I haven't seen him in months." Cece was oblivious to Emily and Alison's internal realisation but Alison herself didn't see the problem with Cece knowing Jason, a lot of people were friends with him and it was bound to happen. "Oh my god, I remember you! You were with all your little middle school friends at Jason's big graduation party thing last year."
A thickness lay in the air as Alison watched and waited for Emily's reaction, at first the blonde was expecting an outburst but the brunette merely lay in her bed as if remembering the whole experience.
"Are you okay?" Alison asked before she could even register she was speaking. Emily finally pulled her faze away from Cece and looked deep into Alison's eyes, she realised in the moment that no matter what happened at that party she couldn't judge Cece on it, Cece seemed nice enough, a bit over confident but nice.
"What's wrong with Jason exactly?" Cece asked, her rude side gone and her curiosity burning through.
"It's a long story." Alison mumbled towards the blonde. Cece could sense Alison's displeasure on the topic but it was hard not knowing all the details, she was a nosey person.
When silence feel again Emily began feeling short of breath and at first she thought it was nothing but as the time passed she felt the struggle was too strong.
"Ali, can you pass me the oxygen mask?" Emily asked through deep breaths and Alison looked at her worriedly.
"Are you alright?" Ali queried as she placed the mask over Emily's mouth, nodding softly in response Emily took Alison's hand in an attempt to calm herself down.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to stress you out Emily." Cece apologised as the brunette took several deep breaths.
Moments later Spencer, Aria and Hanna made their way into the room before stopping at the new development in company.
"Cece?" Aria spoke first.
"Well hi there girls. I was just about to leave; I think that it's not the right time for me to be here." Cece looked towards Alison who was still helping Emily with her breathing, when it had calmed down Alison looked over to her friend sadly.
"You're leaving? You just got here." The disappointment obvious in her voice.
"We'll catch up some other time babe; I'm here for a few days." Cece grabbed her handbag and walked towards the door, stopping just in front of Spencer. "I thought you'd be having a panic attack over missing school." Cece chuckled and Spencer forced a laugh.
"Ali," Emily began as she tried to avoid the tension that grew between Spencer and Cece, she looked at her girlfriend and smiled, it was obvious that Cece meant something to the blonde and she wasn't going to stand between them. "Go spend some time with her. I'll be right here when you get back."
"Are you sure?" Alison questioned, she was sure Emily needed her but she knew that the brunette could take care of herself but it had been a very long time since she had seen Cece and she wanted to spend some time with her.
"Yes. Go on, go have some fun." Emily stroked Alison's hand a final time before the blonde smiled cheerfully and leant in to give her a quick peck on the lips.
"I love you." Alison whispered in her ear before grabbing her phone and heading towards Cece. The older blonde moved out her elbow for Alison to link arms and before anyone else could speak the two girls left and closed the door behind them.
"Well jeez; the awkwardness in the room could not have been more uncomfortable." Hanna stated as she replaced Alison in her seat.
"Tell me about it." Aria murmured as she began drinking her new coffee.
"So what exactly was Cece doing here?" Spencer watched Emily curiously, it seemed that the brunette was struggling and though it seemed to an untrained eye it might have been her breathing but to Spencer she could sense something was wrong.
"Your guess is as good as mine." Emily replied before taking the oxygen mask off but still keeping it in reach. "How does she know Cece?"
"Oh they've been friends for years." Hanna also noticed Emily's displeasure about the older blonde, it seemed they had not necessarily disliked each other but they certainly didn't take a liking to each other either.
"So! When were you gonna tell me about you being a lesbian?" Cece spoke a little too loudly as she and Alison made their way out of the hospital, they had made it less than ten feet out the door before the older blonde began bombarding Alison with questions.
"We weren't exactly ready to tell everyone." Alison murmured as she followed Cece to her car.
"I guess Noel had different plans then." Cece's tone was sarcastic and had humour behind it but Alison didn't feel it was right laughing not after all Emily went through.
"You saw the videos then?" Alison opened the car door and as Cece opened her she stopped and leant against the roof.
"Of course I have. Everyone around here has." The blonde waved her hand around demonstrating her point and Alison couldn't help but notice people staring as they walked by. It was official then, everyone knew not that it bothered her, what bothered her was some of the looks she was getting, the hatred was terrible but among that there was sympathy.
Rolling her eyes Alison climbed into Cece's car and shut her door.
"I don't think she likes me." Cece commented as she placed her keys into the ignition.
"Emily has a lot going on, give her time, she's the sweetest girl." Alison tried to stand up for her girlfriend but even she could sense that the brunette didn't like her old friend.
"I thought I was the sweetest girl?" The older blonde nudged her friend and pulled out from her parking spot.
"Oh please don't kid yourself, you're a Class A bitch and you know it." Alison and Cece broke out into laughter. For the first time in what felt like forever Alison felt herself relax, she had been so tired and so emotionally exhausted that even thinking about sleeping was becoming an issue.
"So why was your dad so pissed off?" The older blonde asked as she drove through the main street of Rosewood.
"He kicked me out because of my relationship with Emily."
"What? That seems a bit harsh, even for him. He doesn't really seem like the dad that would care about you being a lesbian." Cece was confused about Kenneth's reaction, sure he wouldn't be over the moon but she was sure he wouldn't go as far as kicking Alison out.
"It's not really me being a... lesbian. It's more complicated than that." Alison thought of Jason as she spoke, it had been so long since she had even spoken to her brother let alone seen him.
"Then un-complicate it. Is this about Jason?" Cece definitely wasn't a fool when it came to Alison and her secrets; the older blonde was smart and very cunning.
It took Alison several minutes to answer, she wasn't sure if she could even talk to Cece about what happened.
"Yes but it's not my story to tell." Alison didn't look at Cece but she could tell her friend was looking at her curiously and she had to admit the last time she had been with Cece she would jump at the opportunity to gossip but now she found no interest in it.
Looking at Alison Cece could tell that her friend had changed and it seemed it was because of Emily, not that Cece had a problem with it, in fact it seemed Alison had changed for the better.
"Alright, I won't ask. Subject change! Tell me about this Emily girl." Cece said brightly as she stopped her car outside The Brew. Getting out of the car the girls made their way inside and waited in line to order a coffee.
"What do you want to know?" Alison murmured as she felt the stares of everyone in The Brew fall on her.
"How did you meet her? I don't remember her being at school." Cece watched as people a group of boys in Rosewood High Sharks jackets sat at a table not far from the pair and began talking and laughing at Alison. The blonde herself tried to ignore them but it was providing to be difficult.
"She enrolled a few months ago." Alison ordered her and Cece a coffee and moved out of the line and headed for a free table. Following, the older blonde couldn't help but continue to watch the boys.
"Hey Alison." One of them stood up and made Alison turn around. "I know the cure." He continued as Cece reached her friends side.
"Cure to what?" Alison was mildly confused and looked over at Cece who kept her eyes on the significantly taller boy.
"It's my dick." The rest of the boys erupted with laughter and Cece moved in front of the already upset Alison and pointed her finger in front of the boys face, catching his focus.
"Sweetie, I can assure you that even if she was remotely heterosexual, your dick or lack thereof, wouldn't cure a single thing, mainly because I'm pretty sure you have to have one to use it." Cece crossed her arms against her chest and watched as the boys friends laugh at him.
"Excuse me." A voice came from behind Cece and when she turned she found Ezra Fits standing with his own arms crossed against his chest. "Shouldn't you boys be at school?"
"So should she." They stood and began defending themselves as Ezra stood between them and the girls.
"I think it's time for you leave." Ezra pointed towards the door before the boys could make a rebuttal, they shrugged and left without saying another word.
Ezra turned to the rest of The Brew who had been listening in on the conflict.
"If anyone else has a problem with Ms DiLaurentis being in my shop there's a nice cafe down the road." Ezra waited for someone to stand but everyone merely looked between the pair and waited until the young man turned away.
"Are you okay?" Ezra asked as he looked at Cece and Alison sympathetically. Smiling and nodding Alison began missing Emily.
"Ezra Fits, the last time I saw you, you were teaching at Rosewood High." Cece smiled her own trade mark smile and looked Ezra up and down.
"Yes well I felt I needed a change." He laughed softly and motioned the girls to sit at a booth in the back corner.
"Thanks." Alison said before Ezra walked away. Cece made herself comfortable and waited for Alison to sit down before talking again.
"Just ignore them. I'm accepting of your relationship so that's all that matters." Cece joked, her smile lingering around her lips.
"Are you though?" Alison was questioning Cece's humour and it bothered her slightly that her best friend was making such a joke about of her relationship.
"I am Ali, don't be silly. I just didn't even expect it. You were always talking about Noel and trust me I know he's a dick but I thought you really liked him." Cece had a valid point; her friend had never shown the slightest interest in women.
"I liked the idea of him more than anything." Alison counter-proposed as the barista placed their coffees in front of them. Thanking him she looked back at Cece who had her eyebrows raised in curiosity at Alison's politeness, usually she was just ignore the barista. "What?"
"Nothing. So go on then, tell me about Emily, I want to know everything." Cece was pushing Alison to speak which was odd because usually the blonde was always talking.
"Well, we met in the hallway a school. I kind of barged into her and then made a big scene. You know she didn't talk?" Alison remember the first day she and Emily met, it was definitely an unforgettable experience that was for sure.
"Like to you?" Cece asked, raising both her eyebrows in surprise.
"Like to anyone. For almost a year, the only reason we kept seeing each other was because he had a biology assignment together." Alison remembers fondly of the study she did with Emily, the brunette was so smart and she didn't even have to say a word to express that. Emily and her studying in the kitchen was, to Alison, one of the best times of her life and she sort of wished she could just go back to that simplicity.
"Really? So how did you get her talking then?" Cece was becoming more and more interested in Alison's story and the blonde could sense it, it made her smile.
"Well, one night we were studying and Noel came over, he tried it on and I said no. But I guess Noel has never been used to being told no. Emily saved me but I yelled at her because she still wouldn't talk to me." Alison felt her rambling to be too much so she decided to fill her mouth with coffee instead of words. Cece watched curiously as the blonde fell over her words, it seemed her friend had become very love-struck with this Emily.
"You're a very confusing girl Alison DiLaurentis." Cece chuckled as she too drank her coffee and Alison smiled sheepishly in return. "You really care for her then?"
"I really do." The blonde's words were the most confident they had been all day and it proved to Cece once and for all that Alison did indeed fall for Emily Fields.