book #1 | be with me | jenzie

39

chapter 39 - life stopped

"you are my oxygen,

i can't live without your presence anymore,"

[edited - 24.12.18]

k e n z i e

Empty.

Souless.

Emotionless.

These were all the emotions I have been feeling since kissing Johnny.

It was the thing I regretted the most in my life. Why was I so stupid? He was the playboy in our school - he could get any girl he wanted, why would he even look at plain old me? Why would he even like me? What was happening to me? Sensible, diligent Mackenzie Ziegler had disappeared the moment I associated myself with him.

I didn't even know what I was thinking when I kissed him. Was I hoping that he could fall on his knees and beg me to marry him? Big joke. All I got was a cruel slap in the face from reality.

That I was out of his league.

To say I have been avoiding him was an understatement. I was trying to erase all the memories I had of him completely.

All those times his lame jokes had made me giggled like a little girl.

All those times his touch and warm hugs had made me feel like home.

All those times his green orbs had stared into my face, plunging into my soul.

All those times I had messed around with him, feeling unbelievably happy.

All those times he made me feel like there was someone on earth who cherished me for who I was.

All those times I could be myself when I was with him.

And most of all, all those times I had imagined a future with him.

No, I didn't want to think of this anymore. I shook my head, pulling my hoodie closer to my skin.

"Yoohoo, Kenzie? Hi? Are you there?" Lauren's bubbly voice snapped me out of my daydream. It's unfair. It's unfair how she could stay so happy with William when I got rejected so cruelly.

"Yeah, I'm here," I muttered, picking at a loose strand of my hair that had came out of my ponytail.

"Well, can you tell me why you and Johnny have been avoiding each other?"Lauren demanded, as I flinched at his name. I didn't want to hear it anymore for the rest of my life. His name itself was the biggest curse that had ever been given to me.

Shit. I fumbled with my hair. What was I gonna tell Lauren?

Oh, Lauren, I might have kissed your brother the day before yesterday and he kinda rejected me, so I'm going through a period of depression. I decided I'm way too stupid and I do not want to hear anything about him. Please stop talking about him anymore, thank you so much. *then bursts into tears*

No, that won't do. This was so hard to deal with.

If only I didn't kiss him at all. It was always if only when it comes to Johnny.

"What? You kissed him? OH EM GEE! Am I going to become a godmother? Did you use protection?" Lauren screeched, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me.

I must have said it out loud. What the hell was I thinking? I rubbed my temples furiously.

"Lauren, for your information, I'm only seventeen, and he kinda rejected me," I sighed dejectedly. If only everything in this world happened exactly like in Lauren's fairytales.

"WHAT? YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!" Lauren yelled and I quickly shushed her. Having an over enthusiastic friend can be a handful sometimes. It was equivalent to talking to a young boy about ice cream.

"He loves you, I swear. No wonder he has been mopping around like a hulk yesterday," Lauren whispered.

Loves me? Sure. That's why he pushed me away. My heart clenched as the haunting look in his eyes yesterday floated into my mind again.

"You guys are acting like a married couple who just split up. That's so stupid, just get together and make babies already. Stop sulking and wearing black the whole day. Please, it's like I'm attending a funeral with two zombies," Lauren scoffed, tugging at my hoodie.

I guess what she said was kinda true. Not the making babies part, of course. That part was just so... Laurenzy.

I have been sticking to an all black wardrobe disaster, and moping here and there like a goth girl. Even Maddie had been quite pissed with me.

I just couldn't get myself to dress up nicely again. There was no one who would appreciate my clothes anymore, no one to tease me about how I dressed again. I balled my hands up into fists.

Suddenly, Lauren gasped and nudged me with her elbow. Scowling and rubbing my stomach, I turned around before freezing in my tracks.

There he was, standing just five meters away from me, staring at me intently with those sparkling sea green eyes of his.

Johnny Orlando.

My heart squeezed tightly as if someone had stabbed it.

Truthfully enough, he looked no better than me. He was dressed in black too, looking like an exhausted panda. His eyes though, they were shining. He still looked as good, I thought, depressed, it was hard to stay away from him.

I can't deal with this right now. Was he, perhaps, feeling as sad as me? Impossible. The playboy doesn't ever feel heartbreak. He started walking towards me determinedly. Shit. Was he coming over to laugh at my dumbness?

He was just a meter away from me, and all of a sudden I was running, pelting down the hallway.

Running away from him. Again.

I can't take this.

The tears were coming fast, in sync with my pounding footsteps. My eyes were watering and I could barely even see where I was heading, when-

OOMPH.

I crashed into a hard chest.

From my heavily watering eyes, I could slightly make out it was a tall guy.

Oh.

Brandon.

Not even thinking straight, not even thinking about what was coming out of my mouth, I blurted.

"Will you come to The Annual Gala Ball next week together with me?"

(1016)

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