book #1 | be with me | jenzie

46

chapter 46 - breaking up

"i never hated you for not loving me anymore,

but i hate myself for still loving you,"

k e n z i e

I squirmed uncomfortably on the sofa, twisting my hands as I waited apprehensively for Johnny. He had just called to inform me that he would be coming over in a while, and I was already a nervous wreck. Confessing? It was one thing. Breaking up with the person that meant the world to you? That was torture.

For the past thirty minutes, I had gone to the toilet repeatedly to stand in front of the mirror and pretend that I was talking to Johnny. But it was so hard. So hard to say all those untruths and pretend that they were real.

I didn't want to do it.

Just as I was lost in my thoughts, the door bell rang. My heart immediately rose to my throat. Johnny was here. That was too fast, too fast for my heart. Gripping the sides of my shirt, I walked to the door slowly. As I reached out towards the handle, I caught side of the bracelet on my wrist.

The bracelet that Johnny had given me. Ever since I got it that night, I had been wearing it everywhere. But today, it would be easier if I talked to him without it. Biting my lips, I slipped it into my pocket and pulled the door open.

"Hey," Johnny smiled, letting himself in.

I gulped as I smiled back weakly, but it turned out more like a grimace. I froze as Johnny headed directly for the sofa collapsing in it, sighing in relief. My eyes trailed up his head. Droplets of water were still dripping down from his blonde hair. He must have taken a shower before he came here.

"What are you standing there for? Come over," Johnny grinned as he patted the empty cushion beside him, stretching out his arms to me.

I clenched my hands as I walked past him and sat at the end of the sofa. It took all my willpower not to crawl into his warm embrace and tell him all that was happening. Johnny frowned, letting his arms dangle awkwardly in the air.

"Are you okay? You seem weird," he laughed, moving closer towards me while reaching out to touch my face. I dodged his hands as I looked down. This was hard.

"Kenzie?" Johnny's voice had an edge to it now. He must have realized it. I needed to get it over with quicker.

"So, um, we need to talk," I mumbled as Johnny pulled back his hand.

"Yeah, what's up with you?" Johnny's face has lost all its goofiness and his eyebrows were slightly creased. He was still so handsome. My eyes lingered on his face far longer than I should have allowed myself to, as if I was trying to imprint his face into memory.

"I think... we should break up," the words were out before I could take them back. The air around me stilled even further, if that was possible, and a tendon popped up on Johnny's hand. There was a dangerous air around Johnny as he looked at me incredulously, unable to speak. We sat in complete silence for a few seconds, until Johnny recovered.

"You must be kidding me," He joked weakly, his green orbs flashing, "It must be April Fool's Day," he had a weird smile on his face as he looked at me for confirmation.

But I wasn't joking.

The smile slipped off his face when he realized I was completely serious.

"I don't get it, everything is fine, you weren't unhappy, what's going on? Is that why you threw away the bracelet?" Johnny looked bewildered as he stared at me. A muscle in his cheek was ticking away furiously. It's funny how I could still notice even the smallest of things in this situation.