therapist | jack gilinsky

three

silvanas pov// song mood: alessia cara- out of love

i sat there on my bed in silence, just staring at my suitcase. so many thoughts clouding my mind and not knowing which one to figure out first. i let a deep breath as if i was holding onto for dear life. i grabbed a grey sweater and grey leggings and threw it on once i finished moisturising my body and my face. i walked to my makeup desk and just stared at my reflection.

what's the point? he won't care if you put makeup on and try your best.

i quickly brushed out my hair and put it in a bun and let my baby hairs stay in the position they was in before. i went under my bed and slid my grey fur sliders on. i unplugged my phone and the time was 12:27.

i was meant to meet jack at 12.

i rolled my eyes and just grabbed my car keys. it's not as if he deserves my time anyways. i left the house making sure i messaged jess telling her i was going out for a few minutes.

i drove in silence to the cafe. i just needed my mind to relax and calm down, music wasn't really needed right now. i parked my car in an open space and made my way to the café entrance. there was hardly anyone in here. it was so silent you could here the kettle in the back kitchen boil.

i looked my left and saw jack. his hoodie covered his head but you could still see little bits of his hair hanging out. i sighed and walked over to where he was sitting.

he lifted his head once he heard me sit down. i looked him in his eyes and they were red and puffy. has he been crying?

"silv, hey." he sounded so tired. i just blinked multiple times not wanted to say anything.

"how've you bee—"

"have you been crying?" i asked, cutting him off. he looked down then back up at me and sighed.

"yeah, i'm not even gonna lie to you."

"why?"

"i guess when i found out your mom died, i just lost it. she was like a mother to me too since you know, everything with my mom was so hectic an—" he stopped mid sentence not wanting to finish it.

"not so nice knowing not everyone sticks around right?" i was really talking out of anger right now.

"how do you think i feel, jack?" here comes the waterworks. "find out my mom is sick, goes to visit her for a couple weeks, just for her to end up gone! a-and coming back to the man i wanted to spend the rest of my life with wanting to spend his with another girl." i tried wiping my tears but they just falling. "my heart is bleeding right now jack. two important people in my life that i needed the most." i couldn't stop. i was like a machine that just exploded because it's been overused.

"yeah my mom couldn't control her actions but you. you, you're just—" i didn't even wanna finish what i was going to say. i took a deep breath to try and calm myself down because i was losing my cool right now. i opened my eyes and looked up at jack.

"why?" i sniffled

"why what?"

"why didn't you tell me i wasn't good enough?" i croaked

"it's not that you weren't good enough silvana. i just felt as if we didn't have anything there anymore. it's like i felt a spark just die out." my heart just keeps breaking. "i just feel like ever since you found out your mom was sick you became different. you wasn't as sexual, you started to eat more and you gained weight, you started to act different and not just around me but the people that surround us."

so our sex life became shit, i got fat and my attitude was changing. "i tried my best to make myself love you but i couldn't anymore, and that's when madison came back in my life and changed it just a slight bit and gave me those couple of things you were lacking."

i just shook my head looking down at my sliders. i don't want to hear anymore of this.

"i hope she gives you everything you hope for, i hope she fulfils your needs and i hope she loves you as much as i do." i took a glance and jack and then at the blueberry muffin i had ordered. i shoved it away, and more towards jack. i didn't want to get any bigger.

i grabbed my bag and my car keys and left the café.
i'm flying back to arizona tonight and i'm gonna stay until i figure out how to get my life back on track.

//

damn this chapter was deep.