Dear Virginity

- Thirteen -

"Hi honey."
"Hey mom."
"What're you doing?"
"Just sitting at home."

While I was watching tv with Mali, mom and dad decided to FaceTime me from where they were. I had to say it was nice to see them, I was starting to miss them a bit after they left, but it was enough to have the home to myself.

"Have you been home all this time?" Mom asks and I couldn't lie to her.
"Well, Angelina had a party yesterday, it was only a short while until I left."
Mom laughs, "How come you left so early."
"Too much is all I could say." I say, avoiding to confess what was a rape attempt by a Latino boy and his friends.
"Well, it's nice that you're safe, you're still at home-Oh, and how did the job interview go?" She asks me.
"It went well, I was hired and now I'm a candidate."

I hear mom clapping and behind her I can see dad naked stepping out the shower. I pretended that I didn't see it and just kept talking to her, not trying to be as suspenseful or shocked. We talk for hours, mom so far having a great time with her sisters and parents, and how they all missed me and wish me luck for the rest of my years in college. When we hang up, I actually feel lonelier like I have tons the days before.

For some reason now that I'm realizing in freelance, this week has been crazy, everything's been happening since my parents left. The sleepover, the new job, Bodhi, the party, and almost sex. Was it a little ironic for me to distinguish? Or were things let go now that I'm not under my parents' wing? I had tons of questions rambling in my mind, whether I was doing the right thing, whether I should stay the good girl and act how she behaves, or should I just do what comes along.

I felt a bit pressured, like I was almost about to reach my peak when a rock is forced on my shoulders. I don't want to go to sleep, cause it's like subduing it, so what should I do? I want to talk to my friends, because I think this whole sexual things has gotten me nervous, but at the same time I feel like they're just gonna walk over me since they're so used to sex, used to those feelings, and used to accessorizing themselves to boys. Of course I have morals for myself and I'm fighting toward my big dreams in life. I guess one of those are...not being a hoe?

I look at the television tiredly, my eyes feeling stuck, and I just have a lot on my mind. I'm now feeling lovesick. His hands on me, his tongue on my skin, and his breath heaving with his mouth moist and his instincts poised like a tiger. I don't know what I was feeling right now, but maybe it's what my body's stressing about.

I instantly grab my phone and actually call Bodhi. I don't want to be clingy, desperate, dependent...but those feelings are coming back again and it's storming up in a blender with choppy carrots getting stuck on the blades. I hang up and stop it from ringing, although I think he answered. I feel sick, legitimate sick, and it's overpowering my body into a serious shipwreck. Sweat is running down my body and I feel faint but I can't quite determine it.

I don't know how long my phone's been ringing but it's ringing in my ears in a blur, fainting like I was being pulled away from it and I am. A loud ding is from my phone.

Hey Felicity, you called?
••
Are you okay, I know I left three hours ago.
•••
Felicity?

I pick up my phone, reading the messages and as I try to text back, it feels like my fingers are moving pounds of sacks. I really don't know what's happening, but it's scary.

I want you

I only text as enough to only sum up my mentality.

Ok

He replies and I put down my phone in a huff and hug closely to Mali. Although he smells like sweat, hot butt, and hours of being outside, I clench him to my hard nippled chests and probably held him even tighter. I hear tires skid outside my door, when he's finally here.

I'm in my Coffee is my lover pajamas, sweating in my pink shorts and mismatched socks seeing Bodhi walking to the door. I have Mali still in my arms as I put on my sneakers and a jacket with my hair still down from the shower. I answer the door right as he's about to knock on it.

"Let's go." I lock the door and walk past him to his car.
"Ok, where?" He says, fixing his glasses and quickly opening the door for me.
"Mmm," I think for a bit. "Louis's ice cream."

He drives down the street in a quarter mile and we're in front of the ice cream shop like I had requested. We all share a salted caramel sundae, drizzled in caramel with toffee like ice cream and cinnamon sugared almonds. Mali has some, and Bodhi and I share the bowl together outside the parlor.

"So uh," he looks. "What was the point of this?"
"I..," I start but I'm indecisive. "I don't know."
"Well, was it really what you texted?" He asks me.
I nod.
"Ok...this sound a bit bizarre but take a scoop of ice cream and put it inside you."
I look at him shocked as my cheeks are sparkling and I'm looking around me to see if anyone's looking.
"Don't do that, you'll make yourself even more suspicious." Bodhi scoots in.

I take the red spoon, scooping up the caramelized ice cream and sneaking it up to my legs. Bodhi's watching me and I can't help but stare directly at his green eyes piercing into me. I push the entrance of my shorts by my legs where my panties are, pushing it aside and letting the coldness press on my soft skin. I shiver a bit and look around again before continuing. I find my vaginal and push the spoon up, the ice cream melting down the spoon to my fingers but I feel some of it dissolving in my entrance, a weird pleasure syncing to it.

Bodhi licks his lips, "That's a good girl, but can you do me another dare?"
I'm unsure but I nod again.
"Put it in your mouth." He says and I slowly but surely let the melted ice creamed spoon in my mouth, the whole spoon in fact and I take it out probably a minute after and he uses it to eat the rest of his side of ice cream.

Now that was bizarre.