Dear Virginity

- Eighteen -

"Mom, I need to tell you something." I breathe.
"Whatever it is, you know I can take it." She smiles.
"O-Okay."

I was suddenly nervous out of the good time we were having. Would she be mad at me? Would she take off a $1000 for college? Woulds we're scrambling through my mind and it all came out as diarrhea.

"I-I met a guy at Jack o' Beans, ya know the first time I had the interview, and he was really handsome..gorgeous in fact. His name is Bodhi and we started talking ever since I made the job. I told you about the big party Angie was having and of course I went, but I locked the door and made sure Mali's food bowl was full. He was my car ride home and we kissed, er, made out and later on th-that day...that day." Tears were starting to issue at my eyes but mom looks at me with a smile.
"It's okay you can tell me." She pledges.
"O-Okay, well we started taking our clothes off and we kissed, he touched me, but we didn't have sex. He saw the second guessing in my face and he told me we could wait. Obviously there's a strong connection bonding between us, but then he takes me to his apartment and turns out, he's in college and he has a roommate whose name is Heath. He is such a douchebag mom, a player, but I letted him touch me one night when I was sleeping in Bodhi's bed and he was sleeping on the couch. And then the next morning, I hear them talking and they tell me they both want to have a relationship with me and at the same time take my virginity away."

My breath hitches and I take a look at mom whose face is calm, she isn't pointing her long nails at me in anger, or her face budging with 'what did I tell you young lady'. Instead it's the complete opposite, and she only continues painting Mali's nails unruffled.

"Well Felicity, first of all, I'd like to meet this Bodhi boy you're all cry babying about. If you are willing to pull your trust in him, that's fine, you're becoming a woman now and if you have certain standards to leveling up to that, it's your life you're choosing. But know young lady, I ain't showing this gratitude for nothing. I am deeply concerned about your future endeavors and as far as you volunteering to lose the part of your little girl...it's quite a big change, you'd have to have high standards for yourself,"

Mom takes a deep breath, the wrinkles crinkling on her face as she rubs her temples. I felt bad for saying anything in the first place but she continues on.

"Also honey, losing your virginity doesn't just consist..ya know insertion. It also involves sexual proceedings like touching, especially if you've never experienced any mortal there. How far did you go?" Mom queries.
"Um, he only touched me a bit down there and uh on my breasts too b-but of course I have my beliefs and perforation is having sex to me. I guess there's accessories to that though."
"Which is why it's important." Mom sides in and a geeky smile extracts on my face.

It was a bit awkward having the conversation to mom, but through experience and being a woman, I guess there was more understanding more than being angst of five years she'd consider other reduced to my junior. Would I have sex with Bodhi other than the time we almost did? I wasn't sure, that taking on how old I was and if my life was ready for a change. As far as going with Heath, it would be no common sense to cope your brain in reasoning to trust a player. Partitioned to him even saying it, doesn't mental to me seeing him any differently.

Having my virginity is having my knowledge in a certain scenario. What I know about myself and my body is what I haven't yet experience in sex, and of that I'm a virgin. Yet to be experienced.

"So....you're not mad at me?" I look at her.
"Would you like me to tell your father?"
"No!"
"Then lets not talk about it."

The next morning, I was going to Jack o' Beans and mom said she'll stop by to possibly grab a coffee. I was expecting to see Bodhi there, his windswept hair and his blinding teeth. I know I was controlling the situation of this whole consummate thing, so who was I more drawn to? It would make sense to scale towards Bodhi, I've known him longer and we have more of a relationship other than just seeing each other for a night. I don't know Heath's efforts and his strength in words if he was really promising in those premises.

I'm by the coffee shop and my body is slightly hesitating as I'm walking. It's like telling me what I might get myself more into and other being that I might make it official with Bodhi. The bell rings off the door and he's there with the coffee aroma, the maple scent, and the creamy comfort. He has his black wayfarer glasses, his handsome out of bed hair, and those green eyes that just look into your soul.

"Hey!" He says, the atmosphere less awkward now that we have an idea of each other.
"Hi," I hang my stuff up and tie my apron.
"Ready for the new day?" He hooks his hand around my waist, drawing me in a hungry look in his eyes.
"Always as before."

It was another busy day at the shop. The line stacked and the usual black coffees or macchiatos being withdrawn from the steamer. I was a bit scared now that I'm aware of the situation and him being here trying to make any claims. If any move were to moment here, I was trying to be expectant but so far his actions are absent to any motive.

"A bit stuck there?" I see that he's looking at me and I realize I've been sitting here staring into space trying to foresee an exploit.
"Uh just a lot on my mind is all." I shrug, trying to duck any suspension.
"Well the line's gone for the moment, anything troubling you?" He poses.
"Um, my parents came back in town, got a new car. Kudos to me." I pretend to wave flags in gratitude for myself as I'm sheepishly articulate.

I can only see from afar that I'm awkward, although we talked of the whole time being, I guess I'm just shy. We stop our conversation when the door rings again and I see that my mom came like she promised.

"Hi mom." I perk, probably a bit exaggerate than needed to attention.
"Hey, how's it going?" She asks and I see that her eyes are averting towards Bodhi between talking to me.
"It's going good, the same coffee time as I'm shifted. Getting ready for work?"
"Nope, off for a couple of days...is that the boy you were talking about?" Mom whispers.
"Oh..oh yeah, yeah, he works with me behind the bar."
"Hmm."

She looks at me, spectating if Bodhi looked to be enough maintenance for a boyfriend, er reliable friend in companionship.

"I'll take green mocha latte." She confirms, unzipping her wallet still looking suspenseful.
"That's your mom?" Bodhi asks after she goes to sit in a table at the back of the cafe, looking up and down from a menu.
"In some cases."