Can you love a ghost? // H.S✔️

18. No pulse

Second update today..you're welcome 😏

We are coming to the end of the third toy story film and Harry is sitting on the edge of the sofa, hand on my knee which is going numb from his cold touch.

I've never been so happy in this moment in time can we stay like this forever?

I look up at the tv and watch the last scene of Andy handing over his toys to the little girl, I look out the corner of my eye and see Harry he's so in-depth in the film it's cute to watch and I can't help the corners of my mouth rise into a little smile.

My Harry.

The film comes to an end and Harry lets out a big sigh and leans back into the sofa.
He looks like he's about to cry I put my hand on top of his. He turns to look at me and sadly smiles.

"Look what I've missed out on" he nods to the tv. I look at the ending credits.

"What? Toy story two and three?" I half chuckle.

"Yes!" He laughs " I would cry if I could".

I look at him he can't cry? I think about it and I remember I've never seen him cry. Not when he was telling me about the night or anything.

"Oh you can't cry?"

He shakes his head "anyway, they were pretty awesome films" he shifts himself so he's facing me.

"I've enjoyed this" he gestures between us and I smile and nod. So I have I couldn't of spent my time doing anything else as much as I enjoy spending time with Harry.

He leans in and kisses me a slow and passionate kiss. I respond with my tongue entering his mouth and let out a small groan. He's cold but I don't mind I just imagine what it would feel like to really feel him. I wish we could do more together like what real couples do. We pull away from each other.

"I want more" he whispers and leans his head against mine.

"Me too" I bring my hand up to his cold cheek and trace his features with my fingers, I drag my hand up to his hair and run my fingers through his curls and pull his head back so I can get access to his neck. I look up at him and make sure I get the go ahead which I do and I plant soft kisses to his neck. I wish I could smell him and it's only now that I realise I can't feel his pulse. I suddenly pull back and rest my hand on his neck.

He watches me sadly and closes his eyes while I apply more pressure. Nothing. There is no signs of life, no pulse, no blood running through him and it's suddenly hit me that this is never going to be real. It will never be enough for me and now I understand. I hang my head low and keep my hand on his neck praying that I suddenly feel the beating of his pulse but I know it was long gone.

I pull away and rest my hands in my lap and wait for him to say something. Anything. He pulls his hands up to my chin and lifts my head up so I have no choice to look into his emerald eyes. Although he has no life he eyes say a thousand emotions.

"I.. I'm sorry" he stammers.

I don't say anything. There is nothing I can say that will change this situation and the more I think about it the more I'm slowly breaking down. I've met the love of my life and nothing can ever happen.

"It's ok" I whisper not really sure what to say.

He shoots up and throws his hands in the air. "It's not fucking ok! This is not fucking ok! Why did this happen to me? What did I ever do wrong to never be able to grow up, to love? To never have something real. What the fuck did I do to deserve this!?" He falls to his knees and holds his face in his hands.

Watching him break down is probably the most heart breaking thing I've ever witnessed and I don't know how to handle this. I want to console him, I want to tell him everything will be ok but it won't and it never will be. He knows that so I can't say that. I can't lie to him.

"Bad things happen to good people" I get up off the sofa and kneel in front of him. "You didn't deserve this" I rest my hands on his black jeans.

"I've never wanted something, someone so bad as I want you." He holds my hands in his and lifts his head up to look at me. "I love you" he declares.

"I love you too" I kiss his lips and watch his eyes close slowly.

"You'll be here forever won't you? You'll never leave me?" I plead with him. I'm not ready for this to end and although I've now realised this isn't going to work, right now I need him to pull me through life. Just for now.

"I'll never leave you. I'm yours forever and always." He runs his nose against mine as he catches a tear falling down my cheek with his thumb.

"Always and forever" I sigh.

I hear the door open and snap up and see my mum walking into the room and stand there wondering why the hell im on the floor. I look in front of me and Harry is obviously no where to be seen.

"What..are you doing?" My mum tilts her head waiting for me to explain why I'm kneeling on the floor I take way to long in making up an excuse.

"Oh I..I'm doing exercises" I say as if it was normal for me to do them.

"Exercises?" She questions as I go into press ups from my kneeling position.

"O..k.." she stands there watching me. "Well I'm ordering a takeout tonight because frankly I can't be arsed to cook. Let me know what you want and I'll order it ok?" She stands for a moment watching me do some press-ups and shakes her head before leaving and closing the door behind me.

I collapse on the floor after four press ups I'm out of breath. I've never worked out in my life. I lay on the floor and think of Harry. Always and forever. He said he's mine. My Harry.

"Har" I call out quietly and sit up trying to control my rapid breathing from the minimal exercise I just did.

"Yes princess?" I jump and turn around and see him sitting on the sofa knees open and his elbows resting on them while he's leaning down towards me.

"We will make this work, promise me we will make it work" I crawl up into his open legs and lean on his knees facing him.

He sighs and I know he doesn't want to promise something that will eventually never work but for now I hope he just says what I want to hear.

"Yes, for as long as we can we will make this work" he leans in and kisses me without breaking the seal I get up and straddle his lap and melt into him.

He pulls me close so our body's are flush together my warmth against his coldness. I hear him let out a groan when i suck his bottom lip and I wonder if he can feel it or if he's imagining like me what it's meant to feel like.

"I've got to go, but come see me tonight? When I'm in bed" I say into his mouth.

"Of course baby" he says before he disappears out of this room as if he was never here. I compose myself and straighten myself up and head into the kitchen to order my food with mum and wish away the hours until I see Harry later tonight.

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Would love to know who you picture playing Holly and Jenny (red bitch)?

Please comment and vote 😊