The Crying Game

Chapter Six

^^Paul Lahote^^

Recovery hasn't been as easy as it sounded.

I hated the rituals, but I could tell that it was helping.

Since I was told by Dr. Cullen to test the strengths by day, walking has been easier. But the pain was still there. That was something I needed to overcome -and thanks to Bonnie and aunt Tiffany, progress was on track. The cast was a nuisance and I only had it on for a couple of days and I was already impatient about getting it removed.

Thankfully I wouldn't have to wait that long either.

This gave me the opportunity to work on regaining my powers now that Bonnie was here. Though I admit that she had been brutal at times, it's been helpful more than I had expected. I wasn't allowed to pity myself when it came to limiting myself -I had to go beyond in order to waken everything inside me. Something told her that I'd eventually need it.

Doing what I had was considered dangerous for our kind. It was almost an evil power that occasionally let's go, and if we're not careful, we could become uncontrollable. It's just like Bonnie said to Sam, it's similar to a vampire shutting off their humanity. This was known to those who fed off of human blood, and to those who were practically newborns. When this was applied, a vampire becomes literally heartless and disconcerting for those around them. It doesn't matter who they kill, or how. Sometimes they base it on brutality just to show how evil they can be.

Being a witch, most are known to make those suffer rather than kill. It lasts longer and is much more effective.

Which kind of brings me to Paul. What I had done to him is like me squeezing his insides and releasing them over and over again. Almost as if I had broken his bones and healed them quickly only to break them again, it was the dark side of me that wanted him to suffer drastically -and I lost control.

It made me wonder why I felt so guilty for it too. He did, in fact, try to intimidate me, and all I wanted to do was make sure that he was okay. As far as I knew, Sam explained that he was almost in full recovery and would be facing his consequences once he was.

According to Embry, it hasn't brought the pack back to where they should be -they're still falling apart, and that's what makes me feel even more responsible. This meant that the only family Embry had, was falling apart. And I still would have something he didn't, and it made me look selfish. I knew I had to do something.

But that would be after I healed I guess.

But I could see that it still bothered Embry.

I was back in depression mode. Sometimes I would stare blankly at Bonnie, out of mind as I thought about what I was going to do next. I didn't want to leave here screwing things up once again. I wanted to do right for once, and never feel the blame of what happened. I was tired of feeling like I was prone to making mistakes rather than getting it right for once.

I'm sure Bonnie could already tell how I felt, and there were nights that she lay with me to comfort me. I think she knew where it all came from too.

Tyler.

I felt stupid for missing him, but I did -I do. I just wanted to see him again, to feel just one more hug him. To hear him tell me that things would be okay even though it meant that it wouldn't be -to hear his voice again.

As much as I had hoped to get over him, it felt as if it was getting harder and harder with each day that passed. The memories were fresh, and I could still hear his laugh in my head. Most of all, I could remember his moments of vulnerability.

Everyone saw Tyler to be an asshole, but there were only a few of us that were able to see the vulnerable side of him. He was charming when he wanted to be, and sincere. Those are the times I missed most about him, because not only did he let his guard down, but that's when he put me first and told me how he felt about me.