You could feel change arising in the air just like the thick fog around our perfect home. Not bad change..simply change. Growth, a new beginning, and the end of the last one. Kurt was eager to make me his wife as soon as possible. Since wedding plans wouldn't take much..I didn't protest. We wanted it simple..just like we were. Two simple..but not so simple minded people sick in love, and our lives threw us into the spotlight enough, so a real wedding was a definite "no" for the both of us. We wanted intimacy, not a crowd watching like always.
I would never understand why I got so lucky with Kurt..protecting me carefully, and making sure I was taken care of. The bigger the bump I saw when I would look down at myself got..the more nervous I became. But, Kurt's unconditional love was enough to put my nerves at ease.
Hawaii was such a beautiful place..almost leaving me breathless in some places. One night before one of Nirvana's shows, Kurt and I went walking on the beach as the sun was setting..giving me a warm sensation that made me feel as if I were melting into total peace.
"So..tomorrow's the night huh? You'll finally be able to sign your last name as mine and really mean it." He chuckled, breaking the silence, a nervous smile in his voice as we walked through the wet sand.
His words had entered my ears and soaked into the very depths of my soul, stirring up an explosion of chill bumps that erupted across my skin. I still couldn't believe it. The blue eyed boy who stole my soul from me a couple of years ago was now going to be my husband. His baby was growing in my womb, and we were now currently the so called "king and queen of rock". My flooded mind drifted back to sitting in Kurt's car near the sidewalk of my house, scared to death my parents would catch us, and dreaming up a little daydream that I thought we'd never reach. We reached much more.
"What're you thinking about?" Kurt's soft voice broke me from my trance, his hand caressing the hair back from the side of my face as I stared out at the sea.
"Just about how in love with you I am, Cobain. And how I can't wait to become your wife tomorrow. And to eventually hold our baby in my arms..I'm just..I don't know. I feel really happy right now, Kurt." I smiled, watching the blue in his eyes become even more prominent.
The diamond lit sea was breathtaking. Shades of blue reflecting off one another and bouncing off like little lights beams. But nothing on earth..nothing..could ever make me feel the way Kurt's eyes made me feel. Two brilliant blue pools of emotions. Little oceans in themselves, pulled me in deeper every single time I fell into them. He stared at me intensely..a thousand emotions plastered across his face, before he took both of my hands within his.
"Violet..you don't know how thankful for you I am..to be able to share everything with you..I love you..and I love you.." He kissed me deeply, placing his hands on my stomach, caressing it as if he could somehow already show our baby his love for her. My heart was exploding, I almost couldn't take it.
"C'mon..we better hurry back..I'm probably already late." He chuckled, lighting a cigarette as we began walking the opposite direction.
It was practically totally dark by the time we made it back to the venue, the ocean breeze felt nice mixed with the night air, and the moon was shining brightly. They were playing at a place that somewhat resembled a shack, which excited the boys to be able to have a taste of smaller crowded shows again. The place was packed though, people even standing on the staircase outside that led to the beach trying to get in.
"There he is!! Kurt! Man, you gotta stop doing this shit!" Krist yelled, pushing his way over to us.
"Sorry..I guess this is just a really happy time for me. I'm..well..I guess I'm excited." He blushed, eying me and making my heart combust.
It wasn't until then, that I noticed that Krist was giving me a very odd look. The expression on his face was telling me we needed to talk, leaving my stomach in a fit of knots.
"Hey, uh..Kurt? Could you go right over there and grab me another beer, buddy? If I go myself they'll probably tell me to slow it the fuck down." He chuckled a bit nervously.
"Um..sure." Kurt shrugged before giving me a suspicious look, and vanished towards the bar.
"Vi..I gotta make this quick. A fucking dealer was just here because of our pal Kurt here. I don't know what the fuck he has done, Violet. But god, some people probably heard way too much because the guy was a fucking lunatic..I'm telling you. I guess he thinks he is cool for selling drugs to Kurt Cobain or something and wants everyone to know it..I don't think Kurt meant for that to happen..he wasn't supposed to be here..and I'm not sure how Kurt is going to react when the media gets ahold of this one.."
"What?! Krist..what the fuck?! I'm fucking pregnant! I can't have my fucking child taken from me as soon as she's born just because some loon is trying to sell Kurt drugs in public! Everyone already thinks we're terrible people and strung out. This is not good..not good.." My hands were now on the sides of my face..trying to process just what I was hearing. People already were talking about our known drug use at times..and debating on if we could handle being parents.
"He came in the fucking place yelling "Kurt! Kurt Cobain! Anyone seen him?! Is he here yet?! I've got his dope!!!" I shut him up really fast after that of course..but..people were talking..A LOT.." Krist told me, his eyes large and slightly worried.
I could feel my eyes filling up with tears, my nerves were sliding up my throat like a snake, slowly strangling me as I awaited the next downfall.
"Hey..guys? What the fuck is going on? Violet, why are you crying?!" Kurt was now at our side, leaving us speechless.
"Kurt..honey..can you please explain to me why the fuck some psycho was just here yelling about having your dope for you?!" The words exploded from my mouth before I could ponder on them, and Krist was wide eyed.
"What? You're serious?" His blue eyes shot out at me like panic signals, pulling me into him and begging for help.
"Kurt..what the fuck is going on?" I asked, grabbing his hand as if letting him know I wasn't trying to be mad at him.
"I wish I could explain but I don't even know..that wasn't supposed to fucking happen..he was supossed to come to our fucking hotel, Violet, not here. No. You think I did this on purpose?! You think I want to fuck things up?! For people to talk shit about how much of a junkie I am?!" Kurt had exploded..and we couldn't control it.
"Kurt..no..no..I know its not your fau-"
"Maybe you shouldn't fucking marry me, Violet. Look what the fuck I do! All I do is fuck things up!!" He was in tears now, backing farther away from me until he was next to the door.
"Kurt..you can't just leave."
"The hell I can't!!" He screamed, his hands almost gripped within his blonde locks.
And so he did. He left, leaving Krist and I standing in confusion as the entire place had their eyes on us.
"Is there still going to be a show?!" Someone yelled, obviously not seeing what's just happened.
"Congratulations, sir. You just fuckin saw it." I loudly spat out, and vanished into the night in search of the other half of my soul.
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