Maybe Just Happy - Kurt Cobain Fanfic

fifty five: and I love her

Velouria had only played three shows in a matter of months, but the energy that would explode when we would perform had definitely not gone anywhere.

I stood backstage, Sarah and Emma both doing everything in their power to make me take things easy. According to them..and to Kurt, I was pushing it a little. But I refused to lay down and quit. Playing shows again was making me feel more alive, and I knew that alone wouldn't be harmful to our baby.

"Violet, why don't you sit down a few minutes..you look a little..pale, I don't know.." Sarah mumbled as she sat down her bass near my feet, handing me a bottle of water.

"Guys.. I'm fine..I fucking swear.." I sighed, sitting down before someone else decided to tell me the same thing.

"That was Kurt on the phone..he's coming.." Emma told me, walking into the room with her hands holding yet another bottle of water towards me.

"I told him I'll be fine tonight.." I sighed, getting more and more tired of being treated like a piece of glass.

"Well, he said he feels uneasy not being here.. and he told me to make sure you're drinking enough water.."

I leaned my head back against the wall behind me in response, and looked up towards the ceiling in silence. I wasn't weak. I knew what I could and couldn't do, but everyone else seemed to think I was going to break at any minute. I took one last sip of water, and stood up from my seat, grabbing my guitar that was sitting near me.

"Five minutes till show time.." Our stage manager's voice suddenly entered the room, and I looked at Sarah and Emma with a slight smile.

"I'm fine, and we're going to play a sick show, okay? Despite the fact I look like a fucking whale, I can still play. And good. I think we established that fact last weekend..so are you ready?" I said, slowly backing away closer to the door. They smiled at me, still looking a little uneasy, but I wasted no more time, and walked out onto the stage.

I could hear the screams of people saying my name, and felt the adrenaline rushing through me already. I stood facing away from them, tuning my guitar and watching Emma and Sarah appear a few moments later. I soon turned myself around to face the crowd, and reached for the microphone in front of me.

"Hi.. we're Velouria..and..even though everyone seems to think I'm going to break any moment..and I currently look like a whale..I promise we're going to kick ass tonight.." I got a roar of cheers from the crowd, and turned myself back around to strum the first chord.

We played a few songs that we knew would get a good response, and then went into a couple of new things I had written. I looked down into the crowd about halfway through the show, and noticed Kurt pushing his way through a sea of people in the front..who were all freaking out over his presence. A few bodyguards were forcing them away, and he was finally in a safe spot towards the very front. I couldn't deny how beautiful he looked, his eyes already pulling me into their own world. I smiled down at him and winked, and my heart sank deep within my chest as he winked back.

I wanted to show him that I wasn't going to break, and that I still had it in me to play a good show. I noticed myself starting to become a bit dizzy, but knew it was nothing more than nerves and the exhilaration of playing again. I powered into our next song, playing so hard that I was sure my fingers were going to end up bleeding before it was over. I waited angrily into the microphone, giving it all I had and putting every bit of my energy into it, and heard the crowd beneath me going wild. I tossed my guitar to the stage with force, a few pieces flying off and going through the air, and suddenly was hit by a stabbing pain in my lower stomach.

I tried to ignore it the best I could..until yet another wave of pain hit me, this one more intense than the first. I sat down in the middle of the stage without another thought, or without being able to help it. Sarah and Emma were already at both sides of me, talking over top of one another in a panic. I slowly looked down into the crowd with fearful eyes, expecting to see Kurt, but he was already coming up the stage so fast that he nearly fell.