Maybe Just Happy - Kurt Cobain Fanfic

fifty three: love her madly

Kurt's point of view

If there were ever a time I truly hated myself..it was the night I nearly destroyed the perfect relationship I thought Violet and I had. I didn't know what I was thinking, and that was just it...I wasn't thinking. In fact.. I had so much shit floating through my system that night, I probably had about one brain cell left.

"No Kurt! Just leave me alone!" She cried on Krist's lawn, holding her growing belly that held our baby girl inside..making me want to jump from a cliff as I watched everything I loved collapsing in front of me.

"Violet...please...." My voice trembled as I continued to walk her way beneath the moonlight..slightly stumbling as I struggled to keep my balance.

"Why don't you just go back to that fucking girl?! Huh Kurt?! I'm sure she's a lot funner than your pregnant wife...go back to her and leave me the fuck alone!!" She was sobbing now..and my heart was aching.

"Violet...no..no...I love you...Vi, please...I didn't want her..all I was thinking about was you....I was so fucked up Vi..I didn't even know where I was..I didn't want her...she wouldn't get off of me..." I stepped closer to her, despite the look on her face that screamed she wanted me to go away. I refused. She was my world. Carrying another world inside of her.

I reached out and caressed her hair away from her face..the way I always did..and she winced as if she were in pain rather than pull me closer.

"Violet...please..let's go home.." I told her, attempting to take her hand.

"No!! I don't have one!!" She cried harder and I felt as if I were drowning.

"At least let me take you inside...it's not good for you..or our baby..come on honey...let's get you up off the ground..." I gently took her hand and she pulled away once more.

"Alright Vi...you take your time.." I sighed and shut my eyes tightly as I walked away, my heart stinging like a piece of raw meat the entire walk back to the door.

"K..Kurt..." She suddenly sobbed, causing me to immidiately turn around.

"Something's happening...." She grasped her belly, breathing hard as she struggled to get air. I ran to her side without thinking twice, and pulled her up into my arms.

"No...no..what do you mean?!" I held her face in my hands, observing her pain filled, frightened eyes as my heart pounded beneath my chest.

She grabbed her stomach in response and cried harder, and my hands began to shake with fear. I put her into the car, and quickly backed out of the driveway without another thought.

"Hold on Violet...hold on..it's going to be okay..." I lifted her hand to my lips, pressing them firmly against her skin in attempts to relieve any of what she was feeling.

We ran into the hospital in a huge blur. Violet was nearly passing out from a mixture of pain and fear, and it was scaring me so badly that it was difficult to not show my fear and be strong for her sake.

"Kurt.. I'm scared.." her voice cracked with a pitiful cry, her hand squeezing mine to the point of breaking as we were finally put into a room.

"I know babydoll..it's all gonna be okay though.. alright?" I caressed her face with my thumb as her wide eyes screamed at me with fear..and I was breaking inside. I wanted our baby to be alright..to be healthy..the both of them..more than anything in the world.

"Mr. Cobain? We need to take Violet down to another room for a few tests.." a nurse said as she suddenly entered the room.

"Oh.. okay.." I mumbled, not taking my eyes from Violet the whole time and taking her hand again slowly.