More than friends (A Harry Styles FanFic )

Chapter nine

Harry's POV

I was so angry I was shaking.

I hung up the phone and resisted the urge to throw it across the room. I hadn't maliciously lied to her to get off the phone, I really did have an event to go to, although it was in an hour. But I had to get off, she sounded so broken and upset and it was all because of me. And the whole time she was trying to make me feel better. It was when she tried to apologize a second time that I needed to hang up. I was so mad and the last thing she needed was to listen to me rant and yell.

Usually any time this happened, a friend of mine being mobbed with me, I apologized profusely, they'd accept and we'd both move on. This was different. Not just because of what happened with Savannah, but because she did accept my apology and I couldn't move on. I felt so fiercely protective of this girl, even before she'd had the anxiety attack. When I saw that mob, I felt a sense of protectiveness I had only ever felt with my mum and Gemma. She looked so small and scared in that moment that I panicked. It probably hadn't been the best idea to make her go through them all, I should have called security and come up with another plan, but I had just wanted to get her away.

Just like I told her, I knew. I could tell right after meeting her she wasn't one for crowds and lots of new people, but I never imagined it would be like that. Seeing her crumpled on the floor, her whole body shaking, struggling to breath, was something I'd never forget. It was burned into my mind. I hadn't known what to do other than try to hold her and when she wheezed out an "I'm sorry" I couldn't stop the tears that had burned at the back of my eyes. It was my fault. No matter what she told me, I knew that much. I had been so selfish. I didn't know why I felt so drawn to her, but I felt such a strong urge to be around her constantly. She was quiet and kind and I felt at ease when I was with her, so much of our relationship and my actions towards her coming naturally to me.

As I sat there, stewing in my kitchen, I realized what was happening all at once. I had feelings for her. It was that simple, yet it had taken me over a month to recognize it. She was beautiful, something I definitely had noticed when I first saw her, but it was a different kind of beauty than what usually drew me in. A soft kind, one you particularly noticed when the sun was coming in through the window in her flat and was shining directly on her face. Or when she'd sit with her legs drawn up to her chest and giggle softly at mine and Nick's banter. In fact, I had thought it numerous times when we walked Gizmo, he had seen something and advanced forward quickly, quicker than I thought he could move. Giz was on the heavier side, but she assured me that he was fast. I had challenged her on that and she had smiled and told me she'd prove it. Suddenly, her and Giz had taken off running and when I caught up to them she was breathing heavily and laughing at the expression on my face. Her eyes had looked shockingly light with the early morning sun shining on her and she looked so joyful that all I could do was smile back at her. But for some reason I still hadn't put it together.

I knew I was sometimes quite touchy with her, but I tended to be like that with everyone. I would hang on people, lean my head on their shoulder, cuddle up a bit. But I hadn't noticed until now how much I truly enjoyed it with Savannah. I found myself wanting her to cuddle up against me, liking the feel of her by my side, herlegs wrapped over mine.

This was bad though. I learned early on in my career that relationships just weren't for me as long as I was doing this. Apart from Niall, the other lads had managed to maintain relationships, but I hadn't figured it out and I gave up. It seemed cruel, putting a girl through it for my own selfish benefit. Just because I didn't want to be alone. The last girl had harshly told me I wasn't worth the trouble, the mobbings and the death threats, and I slowly realized she was only being truthful. So I vowed that I wouldn't do it again, I'd settle down after this was all over. Trying to make it work while I did this was too hurtful to both of us. As it all clicked though I realized Savannah was the type I could see myself doing that with, trying with. Quiet nights in, takeaway and television, it was what we did already. As much as I realized I wanted to, I couldn't be selfish with Savannah anymore. I had to push her away.