Finally / Jesse Lingard

Part 16

I feel sick as I see his house in the distance. Maybe I should just go home. Nope. I need to do this.

I knock on his door. He opens the door immediately. I walk in and he closes the door behind me. I look around. I really don't like this place.

"Hi princess." He says with a big grin.

"I'm not your princess." I say.

He laughs.

"So what do you want?" I ask.

"You."

"Josh, you know that's not gonna happen?"

"What because of your shitty footballer boyfriend? I'll sort him out."

"Leave Jesse out of this. I don't want to be with you. Can you just leave me alone now."

"And let you be happy? How is that fair?" He laughs.

I instantly regret coming, I move towards the door. He grabs my arm and aggressively pulls me back.

"Get off of me"

His grip tightens.

"You're hurting me."

"Am I? Well now you know how it makes me feel to see you with someone else."

"Please Josh." I cry.

"I need you, Katie. Look what I've become without you." He touches my face.

I close my eyes.

"Don't you remember all the good times we had? How happy we were. We can be that again."

"I don't want you, Josh. I want Jesse."

He grabs my hair and whispers in my ear, "Don't lie to me. How can you want someone like him?"

"Get fucking off of me" I say pushing him,but he was too strong.

He slaps me round the face and  pushes me to the floor, I hit my head as I fall. I cry out in pain.

"Please Josh. Just stop."

"Just fucking love me. I don't understand." He shouts.

"How can I love someone like you? Look at you!" I shout back, tears streaming down my face.

He goes quiet.

"I'm sorry. I love you. Please forgive me. Me and you we were perfect." His voice was soft again.

"Josh I can't. I need to go."

"Please don't leave. I'm sorry." He begins to cry, "I'm broken"

"I can't fix you Josh. I tried. I'm sorry."

"I don't want you to fix me. I want you to love me. Why can't you do that."

"Look at me Josh. Look at what you do to me. How can I love you?"

He looks down.

I get up off of the floor and go towards the door.

"Please don't go."

"Bye Josh." I say. I leave his house and get in my car. I look at myself in my mirror. My lip was bleeding and my head was grazed. Bruises were already appearing on my wrists. Jesse is going to kill me.

I drive home. Emotionless. I don't know what to do. I can't let Jesse see me like this.

My phone starts ringing. It was Jesse. I decline.

I walk into my flat and fall onto my sofa. I stare blankly at the 4 white walls that surround me.

This is all my fault. I created that monster. I don't deserve happiness. I don't deserve Jesse. I don't deserve all these followers or all this success.

There's a knock on my door. I ignore it. I don't want to see anyone.

"Babe it's me"

The sound of Jesse voice makes me feel sick. What have I done? I can't let him see me like this. I can't lose him.

He knocks louder, "Babe! I know you're in there your car is outside."

I ignore him. Hopefully he'll just leave.

"Babe please let me in." I hear his voice break, "what have I done?"

I get up of the sofa and hesitantly open the door. I look down to the floor. As soon I see him, tears pour from my eyes.

"I'm so sorry Jesse."

"What's happened? What happened to your lips?"

"I had to go and see him. Jesse. I wanted everything to stop."

"You did what?" He starts to raise his voice.

"I did it for us."

"You promised me Katie. Does that mean absolutely nothing?"

"I'm sorry." I try to hug him but he moves away.

"I need some space. I thought we were strong, yet you lie to me and go against my wishes."

"Jesse please." I beg.

"Katie you promised me that you'd stay away from him and yet the next day you go and see him? Did you want to see him that badly?"

"It wasn't like that..babe...please."

"I bet he's sat there laughing right at me. He has you wrapped around his little finger doesn't he? He hurts you and makes you cry and you still go see him. I don't think I can do this right now."

"Jesse, Babe, please."

He shakes his head, tears appearing in his eyes, and slams the door as he leaves.

I crumple to the floor, in a fit of tears. What have I done?