Finally / Jesse Lingard

Part 30

I sit silently in the hotel room, staring at the 4 blank walls that surround me. What am I going to do?

I can't tell Jesse. He'll feel so shit, he'll blame himself. I can't let him think he's holding me back - he would feel so guilty.

But i can't lie to him - that didn't end well last time. What if he finds out and then doesn't trust me again?

I can't leave Jesse for a tour. I can't. I won't. But what if I never get the chance again? What if I turn this down and never get to achieve what I want.

The door opens and Jesse walks in, sweaty and out of breath from training.

"How did it go babe?" He says plonking himself next to where I was say.

"I didn't get the tour, babe." I smile weakly.

"Why not?" He asks, "You'd do anything for this tour, why is no one giving you a chance?"

I shrug, "I guess I wouldn't do anything."

"What do you mean babe?"

I sigh, "I don't want to tell you."

He looks at me confused, "why not?"

"Cause you'll either get mad or blame yourself." I say, "and that's not fair on You."

"Well you have to tell me now." He says, leaning his head on my lap, "you're worrying Me, Katie."

I sigh, "she said the only way I'll ever make it in the music industry is if I leave you.''

I could see the hurt in his face, "What? How does me and you effect you fucking singing on a stage?"

"No one will take a WAG seriously in the music industry." I imitate the woman.

Jesse goes silent for a few moments.

"I won't be mad if you want to leave me Katie" Jesse says quietly, looking down, "You don't have to feel bad."

"Jesse, I don't want to leave you." I say softly, "I just don't know what to do."

"If you want to go on this tour, I will wait for you." He says, "This could be your chance."

I smile at his attempt to make everything right, "Thanks babe, but I don't want you to wait for me."

He looks at me, hurt, "what?"

"No not like that." I laugh, realising what I had just said, "Its more, i want you to be with me."

Jesse looks relieved. A small smile on his face.

"Like, what's the point of me putting so much work into a career that I would never enjoy if I can't come home to you."

"Are you sure about This?" Jesse asks, "You might not get another opportunity like this?"

I shrug, "I might never meet another Jesse Lingard."

He smiles, "No you won't. Not one that loves you like I do."

I hug him, "I'll just have to work my way up on my own, and if It don't  work out, I'll stick to youtube."

"Why don't you audition for like a TV competition?" He asks.

I laugh, "what as Jesse Lingards girlfriend? All I will get is shes using him for votes."

He laughs, "and I'd use all of my money to vote for you."

I chuckle then lean down and kiss his lips softly.

"Thinking about it now." Jesse says, "They're fucking pricks."

I laugh, "that's the music industry babe."

"No it's not." He says, "That's just unfair and cruel, what kind of person would make someone choose?"

I could hear him getting angry.

"Babe it's fine." I say trying to calm him down.

"Yeah but it's not, is it?" He replies, "A manager would never say to me oh dump her or you can't play. It's fucking bullshit."

I go to speak but Jesse continues his rant.

"I bet they're tour is shit anyway, ill buy all the tickets and then no one will turn up. See how they fucking like that."

I laugh, "but then they are still getting all the money and won't even need to work for it."

"Yeah well then I'll book all the venues before they can. Then they can't even have a tour." He rants.

I laugh again, "Babe just go and shower and get ready for your match. We can send them a shitty email later because she said I have to contact her with my final decision."

"Yeah, and it will be shitty too. Fucking bullies." He says still mad.

"GO AND SHOWER." I shout.

"JOIN ME AND I WILL." He shouts back, and then smirks.

"NO SAVE YOUR ENERGY." I shout back and laugh, "Babe seriously, we're going to be late if you don't hurry up."

He sighs, "fine."

I laugh at him as he walks off into the bathroom like a sulking toddler. He is so cute.

I quickly swap over my smart blouse for my Lingard England top and but some ripped skinny jeans on. I keep my hair down and keep my make up on.

Jesse emerges from the bathroom in his towel. His body was still wet from the shower.

Yup. I definitely made the right decision.

_________
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