Finally / Jesse Lingard

Part 18

I stand outside of his hotel room. I don't think this was a good idea - Liv has away of making things seem like they are fault proof and then you go there and you realise what is actually happening. If he doesn't want to see me, or speak to me, I could just make the whole situation worse...but if i leave it he might move on or forget about me.

Every outcome I can think of is negative. But I'm here for a reason, to apologise and try to make things work.

I take a deep breath and knock. No one answers. I wait a few moments before beginning to walk away. I knew this wasn't a good idea.

"Katie?"

I turn to face him. He looked tired and drained and his eyes were bloodshot. He was as much of a mess as I was.

"Hi." I say with a weak smile.

"W-what are you doing here?"

"Just wanted to see you...im sorry, I don't know why I thought this was a good idea." I say before continuing to walk down the hallway, tears pricking my eyes and beginning to travel down my cheek.

"No, Katie wait." He calls, following me. I turn back round to face him.

"I'm ready to talk." He says, walking back into his room. I follow him. He looks emotionless down at the floor as he sat on his hotel bed. His laptop was open and I could see he had been watching my covers on YouTube.

"I have rehearsed this over and over and yet I still don't know how to put how I feel into words. I'm just going to explain what happened, ok?"

Jesse nods.

"So Josh called on an unknown number. I pick up and he asks to see me. I say no at first but the promises if i go and hear him out then he'll leave us both alone. So I did. It was a trap. He wanted me back, and when I refused he got angry. I guess I deserved it. I really thought I could fix the situation, I saw how stressed you were getting. I'm sorry I lied."

Jesse looks at me, his eyes glazing over.

"I didn't leave because you lied. I left because I saw what he did to you because of me. If i weren't in the picture then he wouldn't get mad and take it out on you. Katie, you are the one thing in this world that i want to protect."

"But Jesse, it doesn't work like that. If you don't want me to hurt than why are you taking away the one thing that makes me happy?" I say, tears streaming down my face.

"I realise that now. I really do. This past week without you has been hell. But I couldn't bare to call you or see you because I couldn't see you this hurt over my actions."

"So you thought just leave me worrying that I've lost you for good?"

"I know i haven't handled this well. I'm not used to someone having this much impact on me. I can't sleep, I can't eat, my motivation has dropped. I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix things." His voice cracks.

"Do you still want to be with me?" I ask.

"Yes."

"And I want to be with you so why are we complicating things?"

Jesse stays silent. I sit beside him.

"I've flown all this way to see you for one reason...Jesse, I think I've fallen in love with you. Sometimes it takes losing someone to realise how much they mean to you. I haven't even been able to upload."

"I know, I've been checking everyday." He says with a slight smile, "I didn't mean to end things. I just wanted some space. Once I realised how much I've messed up I did come to your flat but I never had the guts to knock and everytime you phoned it just made me realise how much i' d messed up. You didn't deserve to be treated like that Katie, I'm so sorry." He sobs.

"I love you Jesse. I want to make things work."

"I love you too, Katie"

He grabs my face gently and kisses me passionately. His lips...I've missed them so much. We kiss for ages before he pulls back.

"I'm so sorry I nearly let you walk away." Jesse says, "I'd live the rest of my life regretting leaving you."

"It's okay, everything was too perfect, we needed a bit of drama,eh?" I laugh.

"But that's enough drama now, right? I can't do this again"

I nod and then lean my head onto his shoulder. We stay silent for a few minutes just enjoying eachothers company.

"Jesse"

"Yes babe?"

"Thanks for beating the shit out of him."